I have one, do you? An ex-spouse.
Married him when I was 23, like not even 23 an entire month yet. I was madly in love with him. He made me laugh, a lot. We did have some issues before we married. I was never under the impression that I could change him, or that over time he would mellow. But I knew that I was a super patient and forgiving person.
One day when I was 25, my mom, my aunt and I were on our way to the mall. I was sad. I asked them if it was possible to fall out of love with your husband?
They looked at each other and LAUGHED out loud.
“Oh honey, over and over again throughout your marriage you will fall in and out of love with him. It’s very normal.” Phew.
The following year I got pregnant with my first, 2 years later pregnant with my second. And about 3 years later we got divorced.
In the time of more than 15 years since our divorce I learned a few things:
- You need to communicate until you are blue in the face.
- Appreciate anything and everything your spouse does for you.
- The physical part of your relationship is equally as important as the communication part of your relationship.
- The issues you have with your spouse may really just be your own, ie, the way he leaves his clothes on the floor or forgets to remind your children to brush their teeth.
- You can eventually become friends after divorce.
- You did fall in love with your ex, so there must be something you still like about them.
Two strange things happened between the time we divorced and our relationship today.
First, a few years after our divorce we had a pretty devastating hurricane which demolished my ex-husband’s roof. He had nowhere to go. Our oldest suggested that his father move in with us. Us included my current husband with all four children (my ex’s and my current’s) living under the same roof.
I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Mind blowing. We weren’t on the best of terms at that time. I vetoed my ex living with us. But after a few days my current husband said “why not?”
The first time we sat down at the dinner table, current husband to my left, ex-husband to my right… I had an uneasy smile on my face. It was unbelievable. My mother said she didn’t know how I did it.
Funny thing, as time went on with my ex living with us (in all, 10 months) we began a friendship. I helped him pick out clothes for dates. If my husband and I went out, my ex would watch all four children for us. It was a really nice having him around and I know my older children enjoyed having their father tuck them in at night.
Secondly, the other kind of strange occurrence was because I was as Notary, I could legally marry people here in Florida. So, I did. I married my ex-husband and his current wife, in my house. Go ahead and picture THAT in your head.