Cigarette

My Mother’s Death

At age 62, stage 1 lung cancer, mom decided to go the chemotherapy/radiation route. The doctors told her it would extend her quality and quantity of life.

Since I was in the closest proximity to mom, mostly everyone called me for updates and suggested I inform her about the seriousness of chemotherapy. In the same breath these people said I should tell mom about the alternative treatments that were also available.

Boy did that bother me. Time and again I told everyone the same thing:  it’s mom’s life, she is allowed to live it any way she wants. Our opinions were just that, ours… and should be kept to ourselves. Our job was to be her cheerleader. Like being your child’s cheerleader.

In a weird way, and maybe you concur, having your parent die sort of puts you in limbo:  you have one foot in the past and one in the present. I never felt that way until mom died. I guess because she was part of my present and future.

I also began to see my position as my mother, and my daughter was in my position (like when I was her age growing up) – I don’t know how to explain it. Suddenly, everything my mom said or did (when I was growing up) made so much more sense. But I didn’t feel this way until after she died. Is that normal?

I was 43 when she died, my daughter was 13. This year will be 10 years that she’s gone.

As always, I can think of a million other things to say, but I want to hear from you, your experiences with your mom’s passing, and from some of you who still have your moms around, what it’s like to have her in your life at our age?

I will never know.

 

 

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