A Daughter like This

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“I’m at a loss. I’m also upset about this and need some help.

My daughter (44 year old) has been successful in her career and life.

When her boys were little they had a business that took a lot of their time on weekends so I babysat a lot. As the boys grew older I got less calls from her.

I don’t get calls telling when or where the kids ball games are but her in-laws seem to know everything about them.

She’s a devoted Catholic and very involved in the church. She informed me last time I spoke to her (about a month ago) that she spoke to her priest about her father and I (divorced). When I asked why she spoke to him about us I was told because she didn’t want us to go to Hell. She believes that because her father and I are divorced we are going to Hell.

Last month we had a hurricane come through and when I checked in on them she acted like I was bothering them. I’m tired of this.

Now she believes that she’s better than most people out there.

I’m at the point where I don’t want to have a lot to do with her anymore. I’m just not good enough and probably never was. What would y’all do with a daughter like this? Keep in mind she’s 44 (not a child). Thank you in advance for any help” -Anonymous

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23 thoughts on “A Daughter like This”

  1. Your practicing Catholic daughter should be reminded of the fourth commandment: Thou shalt honour thy father and thy mother. Period.
    She sounds like a ‘selective’ practitioner.

  2. She is judgemental let her be
    You can’t force her to accept you.
    You have the right to live your life the way it suit you.

  3. As I read all these responses about “going to hell”, “bastard children” I feel so incredibly grateful for my loving God who does not judge me. I spent yesterday celebrating my ex-husbands 70th birthday with his children, my children and and our children. We were never married so technically two of those children are “bastards” and we spent 15 years living in sin yet there we all were together, happy, laughing and full of love for each other. I hope that you find love and happiness however that works for you. “Judge not, less thee be judged”.

  4. First comment I agree with. Kids have become too entitled and expect too much. They do not own up to their mistakes and rarely say thank you for things you have done for them. Pretty sad state of affairs. I have been made to feel absolutely useless and treated worse by my kids than anyone else I deal with in life. I pray that this GSM will change but I have no hope left that they acasually will.

    1. Charon, we are in the same boat. I have dedicated the past 37 years of my life raising my 4 children pretty much by myself (oldest is 37, daughter), and youngest is 18. My two oldest are from my first 12 year marriage, and my 2 youngest are from my second marriage. The father of my 2 oldest has completely bashed me to my children and they seem to take his side. He had nothing to do with them until they were old enough to “hang out” together. My daughter treats me horribly, and wants me to apologize for small episodes that happened in our life. She seems to find all negative in everything. She cuts me down constantly. I have tried mending our relationship, but she just seems to want to argue about the past. I have decided to let it go as it’s effecting my health. It’s sad when we do everything we can and dedicate our lives to our children, only to have them turn on us, because of their fathers manipulation. It’s very sad.

  5. Knowing it’s hard to accept her behaviour, but pray for her and keep your distance . My marriage of 30 yrs broke down and I am still not divorce . As he say he will divorce me next yr . God knows my heart . I am at peace after all the sadness . He never realise how mess up my boys are after this . Yes I was angry with the world . It was my journey and nobody could walk it for me .All my situation I had to do it my self . God is our father as He say in his word “Be still and know that I am God . He will fight your battles . Focus on positive stuff and be kind to yourself . Again I will say pray for her that God will change her attitude towards you . Surely you are a beautiful person in your own right . I feel for you because only if you walk that road you can understand the pain . Just don’t worry give it to the Lord in prayer .

  6. Just keep lightly in touch eg Birthdays, Christmas etc. Although she might not want to keep in close touch for now and some time past. Sooner or later she will need you. Or the grandchildren will get in touch. But do get a live and try not to dwell too long on it because it will affect you in a negative way

  7. I am a divorced mother as well, but have been married to my second husband for 26 years. I think the division of family is one of the reasons God hates divorce. I know He doesn’t hate me, and I know I am forgiven, because I have repented, and asked for that forgiveness. I have forgiven myself as well.
    It seems children more frequently today remove themselves from the lives of their parents, and I can’t wrap my mind around that, other than they need Jesus! Your daughter may profess to be a Catholic, and I’m not sure what that means to her, but does she truly know the love of Jesus? I could sit in a garage all day, as Joyce Meyer would say, but that doesn’t make me a car. I think if our children knew the love of Christ, they would be able to love as we are commanded to love others. They would be able to forgive, as God has forgiven us. How righteous do they think they are to hold on to sin, when Jesus hung on that cross and died for our sins? We have to pray…pray that they will know the love of Christ, and are drawn into a personal, and intimate relationship with Him. After all…that is why we were created!

    1. My son, who was extremely devoted to me, turned against me last me year after he converted to Catholicism and then met a girl who encouraged him to throw us (his two sisters) out of his house. He told me to go back to my husband (whom I have been separated from for 10 yrs, and he took me with him to escape that when he graduated law school, as I had been homeschooling them for 18 yrs). He even took me to court to evict me when I refused to move back with his father and I couldn’t find a job fast enough to move out. It’s been a nightmare and my girls are scarred from him turning on them and m, so suddenly after making years of promises to care for me and help them in college. My best friend from college started a company and I am working for her now. It is so freeing to be independent, but I don’t know if I can ever forget what my son did. Unless he’s possessed by the devil, he will try to reconcile one day, but I will not. So while the others here may tell you to pray for your daughter and wait around for her to need you, I will say the opposite. Pray that her self righteousness is quickly crushed. That she regrets deeply her pride and dishonoring of you. But go live your life like she doesn’t exist. Make use of these days you have left, not mourning for a lost love, but replace that love with someone who needs you. There are so many out there that want a mothering influence in their and their children’s lives. If you need that in your life, give it to someone who wants it and deserves it. Forget your ungrateful child. They only cause pain.

  8. I’ve experienced similar behavior from two of my children. Estranged for almost ten years from my youngest. We do talk now but it’s very strained. My oldest rarely calls and barely will respond to a text. My advice is to send notes and emails saying I love you. It’s up to her to answer. Never give up and pray hard. And find things that you enjoy and get involved so you aren’t dwelling on the situation. I love to travel and stay on the go all the time.

    1. We can’t make decisions for our grown children. You sound like you are doing the right things and she isn’t mature enough to move forward with this relationship. Just continue on with things as you have been, anything else will only make the situation more difficult. Enjoy your life the best you can, that is your best option.

  9. Speaking as a divorced Catholic. Been with my dear husband 37 years. I’m sure God hasn’t closed the door on me or you. Not sure how as a Catholic your daughter can be so judgemental. We were estranged for 15 years with one of our sons. Now we see him and his family once or twice a year. I’d advise don’t forget Birthdays ,Christmas send loving greetings. Keep yourself busy and live the life you’ve got. Not the one you hoped for. Sad but we do the best we can and keep her in your prayers.

  10. Sounds like she’s attending an extremely conservative version of the Catholic Church. Being divorced does not send you to hell. It never has. Getting remarried without first obtaining an annulment (or the death of the other spouse), because it’s considered adultery, will result in your being forbidden the sacraments, but to the best of my knowledge, that’s it. All you can do is pray for her, and possibly take any opportunity to remind her of Jesus’ opinion of Pharisees.

  11. Be patient, as best you can, recognizing it can be hard and hurtful. Hopefully, in time, she will come around if not for her or you, for her children to continue to have a beautiful relationship with their grandmother. Hugs.

  12. In my experience, much of the generations in 50’s and below feel this way. That she is catholic and your are divorced is incidental. They don’t have time for their parents, we made this or that horrible mistake, they will NEVER do that (I’ve been told to my face by my children, as I observe them doing the same and worse). They were raised in the me, me, me pop psychology of self esteem. They got all the ribbons for participation so their little feelings wouldn’t be hurt by the reality that there are winners and losers. The cannot see the world beyond the tip of their self interested nose. Parenting and “adulting” is SO HARD for them. Not sure what they expected, but obviously, we don’t meet those expectations.

    1. My husband’s ex called him to see if they could have their marriage annulled as she got heavy into the church.. He said hell no! Wasn’t going to have his 3 children be bastards.. Keep your own council, enjoy your life as it is.. Either she will change ot not… Don’t fret.. Big hugs x

      1. I just want to say as a practicing Catholic, your daughter is not living her faith at all. I am so sorry you are being treated this way. I wish you could make an appointment with that priest and tell him your side of the story but maybe that would cause more grief. You will be in my prayers.

  13. I have a daughter that wants nothing to do with anyone in our family but especially me. Sadly, no one knows why. It’s very hurtful but I’ve learned to live with it and know that it’s her loss of a good family. I’ll always love my daughter. 💔

    1. Teetering in the same position. Weary of being made to feel like I was the worst POS mother on earth when I know it’s the farthest thing from the truth. These children that do this, they have some deep demons and they want to blame everybody for their “misfortunes” real or imagined, instead of looking at their own choices.

  14. Salvation is a gift from a loving God , it can’t be earnt But is given in grace Through exceptence of Jesus as your lord and saviour ,
    This gift is given to those who ask and is never taken from us . You cannot lose your salvation over divorce or any thing other than blaspheming the Holy Spirit.
    Once saved always saved !

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