Accept or Not?

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“I found out that my husband chats with women on porn sights…

I’m 60 and am not comfortable with this. We’ve only been married almost two years and I’m sure this is something that has been going on for quite a while. I’m trying to accept it but am not sure I’m gonna be able to.

I also know that at my age almost any man I meet that has been single for a time is probably gonna be interested in some type of porn. Watching it, looking at it, chatting or something. I don’t want to be lied to so I know about it but I’m not comfortable with it. Am I wrong to be upset about it? How do I accept it and not be upset?” -Anonymous

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24 thoughts on “Accept or Not?”

  1. I think I’d talk to him about it and let him know it’s bothering you. Ask him if he’d consider going to counseling with you so you can discuss it and work it out. I wouldn’t act accusatory or angry. Afterall, as far as you know , he hasn’t acted on this behavior. He’ll probably tell you it means nothing and you’re over-reacting. If he won’t go to counseling, go without him. It’ll help you decide what to do. Good luck!

  2. I would not put up with it. Cheating doesn’t have to be physical sex with some one. To me it is when one partner spend time and energy on someone other than their partner, emotional time and energy.

  3. Unfrtunate for you , this is a man not ready to be into a commited relationship,, sad you chose to go ahead and marry this man , you needed to have some alone time to learn you , and what are your real needs , but you are married and it is only up to you what you should do for your peace of mind, and sanity, I am not that patient when it comes to disrespecting me in any way , so I can only wish you luck in your future and , what you decide for you ‘

  4. Men are pretty basic creatures. Women are very complicated in many ways. Men can chat up a woman and it can mean nothing to them. It’s a way to feel attractive and still a runner in the gene pool. It doesn’t mean they don’t love their mate. And it can mean they can rise to the occasion (lol) because they have tested the waters elsewhere. It’s the ones who go to meet the woman they are chatting with and fall in love….those sappy puppies….that you have to watch out for. In this day and age I think you have to allow for a certain amount of this…..it comes with technology. Try to remember back when men would go to “those” bars, drink, drool on the women, then go home and be a good husband afterwards…..same sort of thing only they are home already.

  5. would not bother me at all …my husband is impotent…and has been for 20 years …we have been married almost 40 years …and I trust him completely…no different than some of these scenes in a movie…so if he enjoys it …I do not mind at all….

  6. I would try to talk to him about it, maybe it’s something you can enjoy together. Worse case scenario you take the intrigue out of it for him. I havn’t met a guy yet who doesn’t cheat in some form or fashion regardless of what’s going on at home in the bedroom. Intimacy with you has nothing to do with this. You just need to decide what level of stupid your willing to deal with. Good luck.

  7. I believe in your post, you already know the answer. Often times we try to justify, we over think. Follow your initial instinct and take a step at a time. Your heart knows the way.

  8. I lived 25 years in that hell. Never again. When I finally got enough guts to leave it. I said never again. Alone is better than that hell

  9. Be upset? You betcha! He’s cheating in his mind…and hiding it!!!! If you truly love one another, you can try to work it out…BOTH OF YOU. And, I’m sorry for your pain.

  10. I’m a therapist who has helped hundreds of couples. If you love each other and want to save the marriage I urge you both to see a counselor. Emotional infidelity is often a way of escaping a painful reality and can be forgiven.
    I’ve helped couples survive actual physical affairs. It can be done if you’re both committed to it.

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