First Child

With my first child, I boiled his pacifier whenever he dropped it on the ground or in the car seat. By the time my last child rolled around, I wiped the pacifier on my jeans and popped it back into his mouth.

Second Child

When I was a brand new mom I literally put the basinet right next to my side of the bed (inches away from my head) with the baby monitor in his basinet and the receiver part of the monitor on my night stand. Picture that in your mind if you will. HYSTERICAL. Fast forward to my second child, my daughter… when she was born I put her in the basinet, but this time I put her in another room and I threw away the monitor.

Last Child

When I had my first child, if I had to shower or use the toilet, I would bing him into the bathroom with me. This way I could keep an eye on him. By the time my last child came around, I would run to the bathroom and lock the door behind me.

Garage Floor

One day, my youngest who was around two at the time, came walking in from the garage with a chicken nugget in his mouth. I didn’t think much about it. I saw another nugget in his hand a little while later and I started thinking…. I know we didn’t get chicken nuggets today… that was like 3 days ago. I wonder where in the hell he got the nuggets from. HE PICKED THEM OFF THE GARAGE FLOOR AND ATE THEM. May I remind you that I live in FLORIDA. He’s still alive by the way.

You Gotta Problem?

When I was younger, if I had a problem with someone I honestly thought it was THEIR problem. I didn’t figure out that it was MY problem until I was around 40.

Authentic Life

My mom smoked 40 years, 2 packs a day. If she sprinkled salt on her food, it was more like a cup of salt on her food. How could she be so careless with her health? And then one day I woke up and I saw my mom for who she was:  someone living her authentic life. Hot damn, I want to be just like her when I grow up.

What do You Know?

When I was 40 I realized that I didn’t know anything.

Today is the Last Day of Your Life

Death is for the dying and life is for the living.  If you have a really nice piece of jewelry or expensive car that you only drive on Sundays, honey, WEAR YOUR JEWELRY AND DRIVE YOUR CAR EVERY DAY LIKE YOU WERE DYING TOMORROW… because none of us knows when that day will come. Enjoy what you’ve worked your but off for TODAY.  ]]>