Blended Families

“This story you probably wouldn’t believe…

It about two people that went on separate journeys as children and connected again when we were 47…. I had been married for 25 years and he had been married twice. I left an unhappy marriage, cheating lying husband. He had been married twice, both women leaving him for other men, the last his best friend. I have three adult children all living their own lives, he has two that are currently 21 & 23.

We both have been single for a while…. He said and did all the right things, he made me feel amazing, and I mean fell head over heels for him, I had never felt what I felt for him in my life. We started seeing each other for a couple of years, then two and half years ago he asked me to move into his house that he and his then 20-year-old daughter were in. The younger one moved in with her mum.

So, I did, we moved all my furniture, etc. into this house. His stuff was worn and not really looked after… to be honest the house was a wreck.

I painted and re-decorated trying to make this house (which the ex-wife cheated on him in) a home and a new life for both of us.

As the weeks turned into months, I started noticing things:
The eldest daughter did nothing, laying around on her bed all day, and when I say doing nothing, I mean nothing. I worked full time as did he.

I would come home to a sink full of dishes, a laundry full of bedding and clothing.

He would treat this daughter like a five-year-old! Even though she will be 22 this year. She has the maturity of a 15-year-old. He bought her a car for 19th birthday, he pays her insurance, mobile phone and God knows what else. She works, and pays none of her own bills.

His kids have no respect for the mother’s partner and the way they talk about them makes me so angry, as they are no longer children but continue to act like little girls having tantrums. They would often tell their father how this man would treat the mother; I think they were hoping for him to go get from the house she now owns with this partner and bring her home!

Family gathering would also refer to the ex-past life, making me feel awkward, uncomfortable and making me feel like the outsider.

I tried talking to him about all the references to the ex-life and would be asked, “are you made of egg shells?” Any time I say anything in regards to his kids, it would always start an argument.

So after yet another ex-family gathering and being made to feel uncomfortable yet again, I decided to leave.

I put this man first in my life, and his happiness was everything to me. Even as I’m writing this, I still love this man as much as I love the air that I breathe but feel I’m losing part of myself every time there is a blow up.

With me leaving I will be taking all my furniture, kitchen items, bed, when I say all I mean all… He will be left with pretty much nothing, and I feel guilty for this. Was hoping to get your opinion, how do you blend families when one side won’t let go of the past?” -Anonymous

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