Broken Hearted Mom

“June of last year I received a whispering phone call from my daughter-in-law stating that my son, age 29, had been talking of suicide in front of my granddaughter, age two…

He was also putting his fingers in the shape of a gun and putting it to his head. She said this started because they were invited to his dad’s house for dinner, dad wasn’t there, and a note was put on the sauce pot saying help yourself. This put my son on overload because his dad was out with the new girlfriend and not spending time as promised with my son and his family. (This happened a lot with his father) My daughter-in-law figured my son’s attitude would pass, but by early evening he had added a few beers and his suicide talk got worse. This is when she called me.

So my daughter and I went to their home, pretending to just pop in. My son was drunk and crying. Telling me that his life wasn’t worth living and that he was going to dig his own grave in the woods and end it all. I listened and tried to calm him down, but to no avail. Two hours later my son was naked in his yard trying to hang himself. I had no choice but to call 911. I met the police, explained his emotional situation and said don’t be surprised if he wants death by cop. (His best friend died that way in the mall parking lot two years before) They proceeded to try and speak with my son, who clearly wasn’t having any of their chat. He tried rushing up to one policeman who pulled out his taser. My son laughed at him, but at least he stopped. After what seemed like hours, really only a few minutes, they calmed him down enough to talk. My son was snotty in his responses and demanded they leave his property.

Finally the police asked my daughter and I to meet them down the road. We left. The policemen came about 10 minutes later. I thought they would have detained my son on the mental health hygiene law, but no. They left him on a promise that he’d go to bed (!?)

In the mean time his girlfriend and baby had left the home headed to my house for the night. My son, who is a hunter with guns in the house was not heard from the next day. I asked officers to please do a well fair check on him. He answered the door and stated he was fine.

Since this has happened he has not spoken to his sister or I. He has threatened me via text. His girlfriend and daughter have moved out of his home into their own apartment. He has tried to block me from seeing my granddaughter. Which, thankfully, has not been allowed by her mother. I have tried to reach out, my calls go unanswered. I’ve sent random texts, to which my texts have been blocked. Before that day, our family was close; it was always my daughter, my son and me.

He blames me for what happened that day in June. As a parent, seeing my child sooo broken as he was, I was left with no other choices than to call 911. (here come the tears) I sit here writing this feeling broken. I feel I did everything I could within my power to help him. What can I do to get past this? To make things right? How do we move forward as a family? I don’t need an apology, I need my family back with him included. My daughter says he is a narcissist and I need to move on. How does a mom do that after 29 years?” – Broken hearted mom in New York.

  1. It seems the root of the problem is with the father. You mentioned that the he had done this throughout his life. Not knowing his father, I am wondering if you might reach out to him, so if he is a descent man, he might approach your son. It’s that situation that led to your son’s breakdown that night. In abusive relationships it’s very hard to set boundaries. You were being the responsible one reaching out and looking out for your son. But you can not resolve their issues. I would suggest serious couciling for you to learn how to set boundaries and your son to seek counseling as well. It’s very hard, and heartbreaking but in some situations you have to acknowledge they are out of your control. The hurt is from the treatment of his father, not you! He knows you love him! Be patient! I hope this helps!

  2. You cannot ignore the suicide attempt. People just don’t threaten to commit suicide. Life like you known will never be the same. Your son needs professional help. Your family will need professional help in dealing with him. Despite the misfortunes in life, an adult is not supposed to have a temper tantrum and blame it on a parent. His child will also be greatly affected without counseling. It truly hurts when our children isolate us but don’t move on without help. Also, if your son wasn’t listed as having a mental illness, the police would not just step in especially if he said he is fine. Take his suicide attempt serious!

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