Grief Archives - GreyFeathers.com Blog

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First Love

ByGreyFeathers
February 6, 2021

“Dear Grey Feathers, I am 62 years old, married 20 years this time and lately cannot get my…

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Life in Limbo

ByGreyFeathers
February 3, 2021

“In May of 2015 I lost my husband of 36 years. It devastated me. I had never been…

GreyFeathers

22 hours ago

"I always see posts and memes about young Mamas being tired. You know what? This 61-year-old Mama is tired. Although my kids are grown, I work outside the home and pretty much do everything from cooking and dishes to lawncare. So, what do I want for Mother’s Day? A commitment from the adult children in my home to help. I want to spend time with my grandkids. I want you to send me their sports schedules, because I’ve asked three times. I want you to share special desserts and meals with their grandpa and me. You see, although I often feel physically tired, mostly my heart is tired. Tired of feeling taken for granted." -Anonymous ... See MoreSee Less

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I went over and used my daughter's pool on mother's day. Alone. Her family went to the beach, because mother's day is her day! She's busy with her teen and infant. Although I feel your pain and have had similar feelings, ultimately our life and our happiness is our own responsibility.

I feel like I was much more attentive to my grand parents. I checked on them and I visited at least once a week. Kids and grandkids are different these days. I wish it were not so but they are too busy for anything but their own lives. I’ve decided to live my life, do my own thing, create my own pleasures. If I don’t count on them—I’m never disappointed. Not what I’d wish—but it’s the life I have and it’s OK.

Just once...just once I would love to have my kids take me out for lunch or dinner and maybe give me some presents. Would be nice! I’d even be happy to wake up to breakfast

I went out to lunch with my adult kids recently. It was a wonderful Mother’s Day. I realized that all of us had been working so hard and the pandemic isolation was overwhelming despite the fact that we all work and share similar burdens. Just that little time-out was a respite for us all. I am proud of them and we are all trying our best.

Definitely can relate. Seems like it's always on the Grandparents to keep in touch. Not how we raised them. My Daughter never called, texted etc. today. God help her. Someday she will know how I felt today.

I look back on how I regarded my mother when I was a mother and a wife, with a farm to run and finances to juggle ... and that informs me how much I should expect of my grown up children. Very little is my answer. I then told myself to go embrace this part of my life, find my adventures, my zest, a new circle of friends, and be a positive, happy person who is good to spend time with. 🦋

I'm blessed to be very young in spirit and physically able to do most everything, as I live very independently on my own. I feel if I ever need help or assistance, my daughters will know how to handle it, as they have watched my brothers and I help with my parents over the years. Even grown children continue to watch the actions of their parents.

I too am tired, I have been for awhile, the choices I have made were the cause of some of this tiredness, now I make different choices, ones centered on my well being verses the well being of others, my tiredness is fading. Take care of yourself first and the rest will fall into place.

I read these reply’s and I don’t find myself there and I hope I never do. Sure I get tired but nothing is any better then having them all at home. I want all of them to have memories of holiday dinners at home. I am 79 and my health is not good but as long as I can do it, it will done with a great full heart.

I feel this deep in my soul. I raised my children to be strong and independent, to go out in the world and live their dream lives. I am incredibly proud of them all! But I also sometimes feel that I raised them to be privileged people that take for granted that I gave everything I had to get them there. I want them to come home to see me, to share a meal, to talk and laugh and love. If they would come home to help me, that would just be a bonus!

I want to spend time with my grandkids one on one but unless we take them all at the same time my son and daughter-in-law refuse us. My husband and I both work full time. We want a week or long weekend individually with each grandchild. My daughter in law is so afraid that we will spend one penny more on our only granddaughter that she refuses us to get them separately.

I hear you ! I did not hear from a single one of my grandkids yesterday, whom I interact with fairly regularly. It was Mother’s Day and they posted about their moms. It was also my birthday. I kept watching for a message or text....

Had a lovely mother's day with three of my four children coming to my little house to clean my walls and ceilings and dealing to the heavy jobs in the garden. I am so lucky and grateful for their much needed help. Old age is hard to cope with sometimes.

Ha! I had to laugh when I read the first lines of this post. I, too, am tired. When my dear husband asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day, I answered, “ Peace and quiet.” He laughed and reminded me the grandkids would be here...♥️

I spent Mother’s Day with 3 of my 6 grandkids. I fed them, sent the teen out to the yard to do the yard work that’s beyond me, taught the 10-year old a new technique in watercolors, and helped the 6-year-old paint and decorate his pirate treasure box. Yes, I was a little tired after but I wouldn’t have it any other way! And btw, I always pay the teen for her work. Don’t lose the joy of having a family. Talk it out.

Good luck , this is the way it happens for so,many of us . You have expressed being tired perfect .. tired but still doing and pushing yourself as the ones you love watch . It who you are , we are there many of us doing this ... my hearts breaks I did this for everyone in my like with love , my return was when my daughter and son in law took all I had in life ... leaving me broken to my soul , tired to a new place in my soul ... good luck with your journey .. protect yourself the day will come and you need strength for the new waking in you !

Wow, glad my life is not like this. Mine is awesome and i live with my daughter, sil, and grandson. We are all very blessed to have each other. No one takes anyone or anything for granted. I'm happy to be alive and able to see and spend time with them.

Why is it always the grandparents that have to cook and invite grown kids to eat? Why can’t the grown kids ever cook and invite the grandparents to eat. Or take them out to eat once in a while. Once you get old it’s their turn to cook for you and do for you. You just have to stop doing for the ones that never think of you.

Don’t know if a fluke but found my praising my children who are raising my grandchildren seems to hit a spot that my children seem to want. Everyone wants warm words.

My older daughter and son in law were both very sick yesterday and have been for awhile. I thanked God they are alive. My younger daughter is an active addict. I thanked God she is alive. I took my granddaughter to the mall and thanked God for her and that I am healthy enough to do that. My mother passed away last year. I thanked God for her 93 years. My grandparents have been gone most of my adult years. I thanked God I knew them. There are so many wonderful blessings to count. To a glass half full! 🥂 It’s all in the perspective.♥️

I haven't seen my grandson in 2 years. We went to say goodbye to him before we left for Florida in November. He never came out of his room. My husband has early onset dementia. I'm concerned that when they finally see each other, my husband won't recognize him.

Oh my, you need a “ come to Jesus moment “ with those grown kids! Or else stop doing everything yourself and announce “ I am done!” And find what gives you and your hubby joy!

I had lunch at my daughter's house yesterday. We are all tired. Me, my children, all work outside the home. I work 8-12 hour days during spring-summer. But we all try to make time for each other at some point. It is work, keeping your family together. I have had to hire help to clean my house every 2 weeks, so I can have some time off, and my husband has hired someone to mow the lawn. We sacrifice in other areas, but you have to have family time. And you are the glue that holds it all together.

I am lucky to have my only child, my son who is very thoughtful and caring. He is single and 32 so he doesn't have a family yet to take all of his time. He lives 45 minutes away but works from here one day a week. I count my blessings. I know how lucky I am.

Not taking up for your kids, but, they have the same responsibilities as you, with children. I don't know how my daughter in law and daughter do it. It takes all I have, taking care of me and my husband. When we are tired, we don't think straight either. As they say, Just Breathe!

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GreyFeathers

23 hours ago

“I'll start by saying I love my partner dearly. Having said that he talks about himself non-stop. How do I bring this to his attention without hurting him. I sometimes often need a time out from him.” -Anonymous ... See MoreSee Less

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So take a time out...fashion your passion...and just breath. Now you can deal with your man. His insecurities are showing through and his self confidence is lacking. Have fun together doing things that just let you focus on your relationship. We get so caught up in the daily grind we forget to have fun and appreciate each other. It’s all about balance.

I never had that problem- I was- married to a woman of great intellect and a life that made two kids who kept her busy with their needs ! I had it made ! Intelligence was the key !

My son talks non stop period. I only pray his spouse stays with him. I am worried he may be an adult Asperger's sufferer. Maybe your spouse could channel his speech into music or short stories.

Perhaps he is trying to make sure that you value him. By telling you " How great I am " , he may be trying to convince you or maybe even himself.

I have a friend who talks incessantly! When I am "allowed" to get a word in, she finishes my sentence and then goes on talking about what she wants. Yesterday, I had to let her know what she was doing. I repeated her name, "Sue, Sue, Sue," (not her real name), I actually had to shout her name. Finally I said, "let me know when it's my turn to speak!" I let her know that having a conversation means listening as well as talking.

Did you get my ex after we broke up? If so, just know that I tried and tried to get him to stop talking (mostly about himself) and start listening. I warned him that if he didn't, we wouldn't last. After 10 years, I gave up and he still didn't get it! A narcissist can't or won't change. Don't waste too many years trying to change him. You will never get those years back!

Most people talk in sentences; my husband talks in paragraphs. It’s just the way he is. When I get tired of listening, I ease myself out of the room.

Play Toby Keith’s song “You, you , you”..... make it fun but say seriously I wanna talk about me for awhile..... when we were young and the song was new my husband did that to me. He got his point across and we still laugh about it. We are still married....34 years.

I have a friend who does this and when I have had enough (I love talking, too!), I yell "stop talking!" while I cover my ears. It makes him laugh because he knows he tends to fall into monologues, and I think it helps him that I stop him with both determination and humor. I can be quite the talker, too, so I cannot point fingers, I can only let him know when I am done listening. He trusts me because he knows I will always speak my mind and never just go along and be a victim. It also helps that we both have a sense of humor about the other's foibles and also our own. Humor can help almost any situation.

My son in law cannot hold a conversation. He reads or sees something interesting, so he’s telling about it, but only if he can relate the whole story from beginning to end, w/o interruptions. It’s a monologue, but he thinks it’s a conversation. You may not interrupt with a question. Some have problems with their thought-process.

Without knowing more, this is so vague. Is relationship new (and he is *trying* too much)? Is he a nervous person? Insecure? Or perhaps he has read that men don't communicate enough so he's trying to make you happy (even though he doesn't know it is annoying you)? Is he like this in public, with other family, friends, or just you? Whether together a month or 30 years, I would honestly tell him. Not brutally honest though! 🙂

Ok so no criticism here but is he getting some appreciation from others. I know when I'm like feeling a bit overwhelmed, maybe even a bit put upon I think what about all I've done/do. I try not to be self centered because I know I'm blessed but just somedays....and the feeling continues if others don't pick up on the the need for Mom to get a little kudos

Possibly he is feeling insecure and unloved and very lonely. I have found myself over talking because of those reasons.

I dated someone when I was in my 50’s who did this......I think my sister in law stated it correctly after observing him at a family dinner..... she said this is what I saw..... an insecure man dating a strong woman.....I saw a quote recently...... a lion doesn’t have to tell you he’s a lion......

Lots of men are self, self, self! You have to make him realise that you are important too. You seem a very unselfish, caring person, you may have to put your point across with force, so he can see you mean business. If you don't, he will carry on. I've had to do this myself.

Some people are just talky. Learn to let it go in one ear and out the other. He must have many good qualities or else you wouldn't be with him. I think I have masters the art of listening without really hearing every single word.

My sister did this, because her son died at age 52 of Covid 19. I told her he's in a better life in heaven and very happy and stop trying to pray him out.

Sounds like my former entanglement. I rarely spoke in four years. Not because I didn't want to, but because I couldn't get a word in edgewise. I never found a solution.

Bring it to his attention, sometimes people don't even realize how they sound to others, it's a habit, I know someone like that and when ever he gets on a roll, I say something like "It's not all about you", (jokingly) and kinda laugh it off, and usually it changes the conversation, sometimes people just need someone else to remind them.

Perhaps this person is very very hard of hearing, even with hearing aids, therefore when he is talking, he doesn't have to admit he can't hear a word you are saying. I know 3 people that start talking when you say something. I also know they can't hear much at all.

I have a friend who always talks about herself & her health all the time whenever she calls me. After listening for over an hour she may ask me how my life is but by then all I want to do is hang up. I feel it is very selfish of her & she has only got worse as she ages.

I don't think there is a way, and I doubt his feelings would be hurt, anyway. After all, telling him he talks about himself too much will give him the opportunity to talk about himself more. How about changing the subject as soon as you can get a word in? Or, when he brings up his favorite subject, excuse yourself and go do something else.

I’d be curious to know his age. I’ve observed that my elderly father now talks constantly about himself and life through his eyes. He rarely mentions his wife or children in his memories. It requires a lot of patience and understanding that this is just how his brain functions at this time of his life and remember it’s a privilege to have this time together in his later years.

My husband is similar and I too need time out. I have no problem just telling him straight up. 35 years together, open communication is maybe why we have lasted this long. Honest conversations are hurtful yet we all get over it and hopefully take it on as constructive criticism. I find many men have ego’s. It amuses me 🤦🏼‍♀️

My husband retired a yr ago April! And then we shut down. He’s used to being a boss, he thinks he can question the job I’ve been doing for 40 yrs and he’s always here! But I’m glad I have him, he tells me he loves my a lot.

2 days ago

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Thank you Christine for this. Ben is touch with me, he calls every day. The other two stayed with me as long as they needed, then moved out leaving no forwarding address. It’s hard. I’m sure I don’t, as a parent, deserve this. But it is what it is.

And mother’s who love being a mother. And everyone has a mother!! Rejoice and be glad!!!!

Also Mothers whose grown children live on the other side of the world 😢😢

Let’s add foster mothers, step mothers & women who wanted babies but never could. Neighborhood “moms” or Grandmas...Grandmas who are raising their grandchildren. Teachers, coaches & library ladies!!! Anyone can be a mom...even men!! Wishing us all a Wonderful day to celebrate us!

Happy mother's day. To my family and friends .

So glad to see this. All theses Happy sayings I see just don’t feel good this year. This one does🌸

This is one of the most beautiful and thoughtful posts I have seen. Thank you. Happy Mother's Day to all of the mom's 💐🌹❤️

I’ve lost my mum and my son. It’s a lovely post. Thank you. 💕

What a beautiful and touching message! Thank you so much for this. Have a wonderful day with your family!

Mothers' Day is a complicated day and I find this a beautiful and inclusive way to commemorate it. THANK YOU!

Those whose mothers abused and abandonded.

A little sad for me!Miss my children soooooo much!!

This is nice. I guess I just don't get it for the ones who chose not to be mothers. Mothers day is for moms. If you feel left out because you CHOSE to not be a mom, oh well. You don't get a participation award. Mothers day is to honor mothers.

Happy Mother’s Day to all moms, God Bless you!

Happy mother's day to everyone that cares for children enjoy your special day

What a beautiful and thoughtful post. Happy mother’s day

This is beautiful. Thank You for covering all of us. 💖

Thank you , let's add some grandmother's to the list too

Fathers who are both mothers and fathers to their children.

👌 So strawberries for those of us who have no children? I love strawberries but didn't know this was our sign before.

I finally feel included. My mother is gone now, and I have no children. This is a hard day for me.

What a great way to honor all

Moms whose daughter uninvited the whole family from her wedding years ago and has not been part of the family since despite multiple attempts to reconcile.......sad....

Too beautiful of a sentiment not to share ~ Thank You!

And Dads who are Mums to their Kids for whatever reasons

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GreyFeathers

2 days ago

Woke up this morning at 6am because I remembered that I had to get the clothes in the dryer. My son worked a double shift yesterday and got home after we went to bed. His end of the agreement was to get his clothes washed. My end of the agreement was to get them dried before his 8:15am shift today.

Ran into my friend last night (at a restaurant) who said that while she may not be a mom, she still had to feed her three birds and eight dogs before she went out.

For all of us women without our mothers to celebrate 😔 we can still celebrate them in our own way. The friend that I ran into last night said she was going to honor her mother by making "Sunday Gravy" with meatballs and sausage.

When I got up early today my husband said, "You should stay in bed, Happy Mother's Day." My response, "I have to get our son's clothes in dryer for work this morning, it's what us mother's do."🥰 ... See MoreSee Less

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I celebrated Mother’s Day with a chicken salad and a blizzard at Dairy Queen. I was on supervised visitation of my grandson with his mom.

"Happy Mother's Day ! ... stay in bed ..I am capable of putting the clothes in the dryer for you this morning "..... thats what your husband replied I'm sure ....❣

My daughter, who is a mom too, pulled her back out, not the 1st time, and has been bedridden a solid week. Being the caring person that I am, I have been there everyday, cooking her meals and helping out, keeping her spirits up, watching movie after movie with her! She is so great full , I am so happy I could be there for her, after all, I’ve been her mom for 47 years, that never stops ❣️

I know a few moms who had one child and that child is no longer here on Earth, those ladies have an especially rough time for the first several holidays and observances such as Mother's Day. If you know a woman like that please do something special for her.

I am spending going to sit with a elderly man so their children can take his wife to lunch for Mother's day I have two daughters that will work 12 shifts at a hospital and leave their children home because someone else's Mom may be sick and my 3rd daughter and I will have a late lunch HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to All

This or why,why,why,why. Started to respond with "Because you have a dog" Slowed it down for a while. Yes we did have a dog so it made them stop and 🤔🤪🤨😜❤❤❤❤

Happy Mother's Day to all the great Moms and Dads (who are Mums to their Kids) have a great Day. We had our Day in March

Happy mother's day, all mother's step moms, mother in laws, pet moms, would love to hear this.

I cooked and cleaned because it makes me feel better. I also took one son to work and picked the other one up. Their dad usually does this but I was actually off work so I got the pleasure of doing it. It's a team effort at our house.

mama, mama lama, momza, momzilla i love all the names my son has called me over the years... please do not be offended but i hope your husband put the clothes in the dryer...

You will never find a more pure love on this earth, than a mother's love. Happy Mother's Day! She is the one who pulls for you at all times, prays for your happiness, and celebrates you successes!

Or Grandma. Grandma. Grandma, Grandma. 😍

Happiest of Mother's Day to you. 🙏🗡️🥀💕

Yes I agree it is what MOMs DUE !!!! Happy Mothers Day !

Hubby could have put the clothes in the dryer, sometimes I think we make martyrs of ourselves unnecessarily

I really do miss the "MOM MOM MOM"s Love my guys.

a never ending job.. which we do with all our hearts!

Happy Mother's Day to all Mother's!❤

That's why adult men don't know how to do for themselves. Momma always did it for them and sent them out to marry someone who has to still baby them. Like momma did.

Sounds so good!! Have a great day Johna!!

My youngest son on my answering machine: "Mom! mommommom...I know you're there. Moooooommmmmm. Answer the phone, Mom. Mom!! mommommommommom!" It was years ago but I can still hear him. Lol

Happy Mother's Day to all!

You are so right...Happy Mother's Day😊🙏🏻❤️🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

😍😍always there,whatever,so was my mum,nan,,,,,,😘,,,,,,,😘

We're moms 365 days a year.

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GreyFeathers

3 days ago

Outrageous sparkly jewelry! ... See MoreSee Less

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Her delicious food and cakes. Her style and the fact that she was a diva. My Grandparents were the best!

A rocking chair. My Grandma was limited to physical activity because she had severe asthma. She rocked all us babies to sleep in her rocking chair. My mother rocked my babies, to sleep in that same chair!

Quilts! Every stitch was by hand and not any one of them alike. This one is mine. She had one for all8 of her kids and one for all 12+ grandkids. RIP Granny Inez...Nov 2020 at 97 yrs of age.

Grandma’s sugar cookies, Oh what a treat! Warm from the oven they’re hard to beat Spread some buttercream frosting over the top You’ll eat them all! No, you can’t stop! Going to Grandmas on most Saturdays While my mom did her hair us children would play Grandma would have cookies in a jar on the fridge We couldn’t wait ‘til she opened the lid She’d pass them around, we’d have just a few It was her way to tell us, “I’ll always love you” Those cookies were simple, not made with a fuss Just some flour and sugar and love just for us!

I never met any of my grandparents and have often felt the loss of that special relationship in my life. This is a photo of my paternal grandmother which I love. She had 7 children and lost her husband when the eldest was just 14/15. Photo circa 1935/40 in Ireland. I’d love to have known her.

Warm summer nights, a cool bath and clean summer ‘jamas. She was the best woman that ever lived. I loved her so much. She saved my life.

Juicy Fruit gum in her purse, and she always gave me a piece of it at church, her purse always smelled like Juicy Fruit gum.

I remember how she would let my sister and I have “coffee” with them. It was really a small amount of coffee and then she filled the mug up the rest of the way with milk. We thought we were big stuff! ❤️ when I add cream to my coffee I think of her!

Lavenda! My Gran loved it. Her entire bedroom was done in shades of lavender. She wore lots of clothes in the shade of lavender. I would give my life just to spend another day with her. I loved her with my whole life. RIP Gran. Happy Heavenly Mothers Day. You were one in a million ❤❤❤❤❤❤

I use to sit next to her in a glider swing snapping of the ends of green beans from her garden. The taste of raw green beans still reminds me of her.❤

Corned beef and cabbage. She also cheated at cards...in the funniest way. She was the best ❤

Croissants and gardening. My Grandmother always ensured she would have hot and warm croissants when we came to visit. She gardened every day-in was a pleasure helping while visiting.

Grandma was stern, no hugs. Nana I loved her, she loved me, but died when I was 4 or 5. Memories are the most important , those are what you pass on. I’m my Nana now. X x

Having the best food on the table, even though she did not have much money, home comforts came second to food on the table, I always remember her saying "that's best butter that"

Cantaloupe. She used to grow them in her garden. Once they were ripe her kitchen would be filled with the smell of cantaloupe and that was pretty much what we ate with each meal! I think of her every time I cut into one❤

A very thin plait of her hair wound around her head xx

Hats my Nana never left the house without one ..her roast lamb on Sundays her lamb fritters Mon then her sweet lamb curry on Tuesday ...her smelling salts, her costume jewellery... so many things remind me of her ... I loved her so much xx

Peonies... beautiful blousy magenta flowers, a complete contrast to her petite self and the beautiful perfume in a dark blue bottle with a silver filigree cap called 'Soir de Paris'

Aprons. She always had over her dress. She never wore slacks that I can remember. She ironed everything, including sheets and underwear. She loved to watch Lawrence Welk, Perry Mason and her soaps.

Being far down the grandchildren line, I wasn’t extremely close to either grandmother. However, my dad’s mom was always immaculately dressed and wore beautiful matching costume jewelry sets. I definitely love jewelry! My mom’s mother was a hard working Bohemian lady who could do most any thing. I once asked her for a recipe and she said she didn’t have a recipe, she just knew what to do! Wish I had known them better.

My grandma Baker made the best fried chicken and blackberry cobbler. Everybody called her grandma Baker even though she wasn’t their grandmas. My grandmother Hillebrenner would take my sister and I walking thru the woods on our farm. She loved nature. It was magical.

Fresh squeezed orange juice. She used to go outside with a flashlight every morning, pick oranges from her tree, and squeeze me fresh juice. Nobody in my life has ever cared for me like she did.

Her aprons, fresh country biscuits from the oven, and walking with her to look at her flower gardens after Sunday dinner. ❤️

Big soft hugs, her love and attention focused on me (there were 6 siblings), showing me that I could read a book without pictures (Heidi). We would visit about twice a year. She was thrilled to have us “at home”. About midweek my family would go out for the day, perhaps to the zoo and a picnic. On those days, Grandma had a beer with lunch and slept all afternoon. ❤️🥰💖

Fried chicken, gardening and feeding people..I miss her kindness and her unconditional love for me.

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