Grief Archives - GreyFeathers.com Blog

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First Love

ByGreyFeathers
February 6, 2021

“Dear Grey Feathers, I am 62 years old, married 20 years this time and lately cannot get my…

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Life in Limbo

ByGreyFeathers
February 3, 2021

“In May of 2015 I lost my husband of 36 years. It devastated me. I had never been…

GreyFeathers

18 hours ago

“Our extended family is planning a grand family reunion this fall. Hopefully, Covid won't resurge and cause us to have to cancel. But we know of several adults who don't believe in the severity of the virus or in the need for a vaccine. I love them dearly but I cannot risk being around unvaccinated people and the little children shouldn't be exposed, either. Do we ask who isn't vaccinated? Do we tell them that we love them but cannot include them? Do we tell them to wear masks? Some others might not be vaccinated: can we ask in the invitation? I'd love to see everyone but I am not willing to risk my life and the lives of the little ones.” -Anonymous ... See MoreSee Less

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ANONYMOUS WRITES: "I would suggest little white lie by saying your doctor suggests only vaccinated attendees!! Good luck!!"

Sorry but I don't think this is the time for a family reunion. I am not surprised by how super charged everyone is about this topic, including myself....... Even though I am vaccinated I have to be careful as my husband has major lung issues. So when you say vaccinated people probably won't die from Covid I think many elderly could as they can and do die from the flu. How would we feel if we killed off grandma and grandpa? Please postpone.💞

My husband and I are both vaccinated, however he has underlying medical conditions that having COVID or its variants would likely prove fatal. Our doctor’s recommendation for interacting with unvaccinated family members is outdoors, socially distant and everyone fully masked. Some think this is excessive but we are firm that these are the conditions of seeing us and, while we still love them, choices here consequences.

I am assuming a family reunion would include dining together? You cannot wear a mask and eat at the same time. I can see a lot of hurt coming from this situation for various reasons. By just reading the replies here I can feel the emotions. Postpone the reunion.

I am having a family reunion also—I asked that all adults be vaccinated— if not, they were asked not to attend— all 20 of the adults contacted me with vaccination information and dates they would be receiving the vaccine—

I saw a news clip of an unvaccinated family from Florida who chose not to buy in COVID. In one weekend the daughter lost her fiancé, her mother and her father.

We had our large, mostly outdoor, reunion last July. We asked all to be very aware of their own health. If they were not feeling well, please stay home. I really have no idea of who was or was not vaccinated. Over ninety attendees and no one got COVID.

We have family members in Florida who have declined the vaccine. We have no plans to visit them or invite them to visit us.

I would just cancel the reunion....it is not the time with the covid variant coming on strong. You can't change the minds of people who have decided not to get vaccinated....for me it would be irresponsible to have a family gathering. I wanted to get my family together with my eldest sister for her 81st birthday on the 21st of this month, because we couldn't celebrate with her on her 80th birthday because of covid. That is not going to happen. It is out of care and concern for all family involved even though we have been vaccinated the littles are so at risk. I have already lost one sister to covid last November before the vaccine was available and do not want to chance the loss of anyone else.

There’s only one person who you can control and that is yourself. If you aren’t willing to take the risk of exposure then you make the decision to protect yourself and not attend. I am fully vaccinated and tested positive for Covid on July 4th. We have been very cautious and rarely eaten out but on the Tuesday before stopped at a Mexican restaurant and a group of 12 teens were seated by us and one girl sneezed multiple times. Service was very slow and we were there for over an hour. Pretty sure that was my exposure. My husband, also fully vaccinated tested positive 4 days after me. Again, you can only control yourself and have to decide what risks you are willing to take.

We have a family member who refuses to vaccinate. We politely shared if she were to visit, she must wear a mask and maintain distancing, follow sanitary protocol as my husband who is vaccinated is immune compromised. The visit didn’t happen. I felt it was clear message about her priorities but glad she stayed away.

I would not go, even if vaccinated. The delta variant can be spread even by fully vaccinated people. I would try again for 2022. I know of two fully vaccinated people in their 80’s who are currently sick with Covid, and yes, one of them has been hospitalized. You can’t change the minds of those who trivialize the virus, but at this point trying to gather even with immunized people is a danger to the elderly and those with a weakened immune system.

Just say out of an abundance of caution and care and love for everyone, you can only have vaccinated people attend. Truth upfront. Not worth the risk. That would include children. If people choose not to come under those conditions, it is, unfortunately their loss. But at least you will know, you did the right thing by keeping yourself snd others as safe as you could. They should wear masks all the same in areas where you cannot socially distance or inside.

We recently cancelled our Sunday family dinners because an unvaccinated relative was neglectful about wearing a mask and due to chronic disease, I am very vulnerable. I miss seeing everyone, but staying safe is more important. So, even though you make your needs known, they won’t necessarily be respected. I’d cancel the whole event.

I hate to say it but I think it's a little too late for planning family reunions this year. The fact of the matter is we are all dangerous to each other especially when we don't take the precautions to protect ourselves and others. Now that we know that the vaccinated can transmit the virus we all need to be very careful and wear our mask. I don't know that it is possible for us to meet in large groups or even small groups without the risk of someone transmitting the virus and even if we're vaccinated we could carry it to people that aren't. Those are just the facts. Everyone gets to choose. I myself choose not to expose others even though I am vaccinated.

My goodness, my advise to you ( and to myself after reading only a few responses) is never ask for advice on social media. You know your family, do your own research, make the decision that you feel in your heart is best. You've opened yourself up to so many different opinions and that can only cause more uncertainty. If you don't feel that you want to be totally responsible for the decision, talk it over with other trusted family members, that way it's a family choice. If you can't come to an agreement, then you could cancel and try again later. I hope everything works out perfectly for you and your family!

There was a wedding in Houston, you could only attend if you were vaccinated. 80 people attended. 12 people ended up with Covid. My response is everyone should be able to attend.

My family is having a reunion in September and some are vaccinated and some are not! If I’m not welcome because I didn’t get the vaccine that’s fine with me. I can live with it! I will NOT allow anyone, my family included, to take away my right to choose whether I get the vaccine or not! They had their right to choose and I have mine! Period!!

Can you postpone it? I have the same thoughts as you but you may hurt a lot of people if they can’t attend.

Vaccinated shed from 2 weeks to 6 months. They haven't quite narrowed in on that. So they will be the most dangerous. Load up on your Vit A, C & D and zinc. Take gut enzymes to boost your natural immunities. Get lots of sleep and sunshine. Enjoy your family 💕 Get busy living or get busy dying.

Since you have clearly mentioned that the safety of the kids and others is important to you,you should make this clear in your invitation।Sometimes it is important that we make our position clear and say NO ,rather than lament later for not doing so।It does not mean you are undermining anyone or your feelings have diminished।If they are sensible and they truly care for you and others,they will understand your position।

It’s appalling to see your page contributing to greater divisiveness in our society. Not to mention feeding the superiority complex that appears to have taken hold of vaccinated versus the unvaccinated.

Whoever is afraid to attend for any reason should stay home. It’s an individual’s and parent’s choice.

Do an Obama, word it thoughtfully but firmly.. say something like in consideration of everyone’s health only vaccinated are welcome..

I think it's a reasonable request to ask them to only attend if fully vaccinated, especially now with the Delta variant circulating.

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GreyFeathers

2 days ago

Found this on Mrs. B's timeline💓 ... See MoreSee Less

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Love it! And so true . The seams off my brain are stretched with 80 + yrs off knowledge. TRUTH and LIFE. 👍😅

I really was surprised you knew SO much about my personal life😂!!!!!

So true. Just wish I could find a mirror reflecting this!

I love it. It works for me. Thanks.

So glad I now have a title.

I too am officially a seenagers! What a relief to know what mode I fit in! The only thing now I need is a worldpass to see everything I want to see!

About memory. Mine is pretty good. It takes me a bit longer to go thru my files, though, to find arcane stuff not used for awhile.

I concur...I am 86!

Awesome, just love it, I’m definitely one of the members of this elite group.

So happy to know I’m a Seenager!! So much more fun...

Not yet there(seenager) still got to go a few more years but I love the info, so just like to comment 😀😀😀

I am a Seenager as well. I will celebrate this. 😅😅😅

Love this! Really love being a Seenager!

Love it and Soooo True !! 🤣

Nice to put a moniker to this time of my life. The only thing MISSING is my teenage figure 😂😂

True, they know much, but time consuming because slow in speech but with substance.

I never thought of it that way. I hang around people that have health issues, some starting and some pre-existing and how best to get on top of them. Yes once a week we throw caution to the wind and get together for morning tea and talk or knit. In my case I couldn’t knit for the life of me, so I do long stitch for now. It’s always nice to c men folk come in for a cuppa too.

I am indeed a Seenager! I’m going to enjoy every year!

This is so funny 😂

I love being a seenager!

This is it..so wise and true..love it💞

I have a new label

LOL - I love this and will share it!

This is so cool! I love it! 😄

As a seenager I will live a lot better no worries love it.

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GreyFeathers

2 days ago

Anonymous writes, “I have been raising children for 33 years. My youngest just turned 19. I am finding it difficult to find my equilibrium as a single parent. I am not an empty nester, my youngest still lives at home. I need encouragement and advice! I feel very alone all of a sudden.” ... See MoreSee Less

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Try to focus on what makes you happy, other than being around your kids. It’s very difficult when we are used to doing for and thinking about everyone but ourselves. It took me a sad 3 years to adjust

Enjoy your youngest while they are still home. Think back to when you were young. What did you enjoy doing? Find away to reconnect with that.

My goodness GIVE yourself a HIGH FIVE! You are BLESSED mom,You raised your children to be strong independent young ADULTS!! Focus on you now......think about exactly what you would ENJOY doing and do it!

Reclaim yourself. Find your interests, go after new hobbies or reactivate forgotten skills, meet up with old friends and make new ones, have the mindset that you will enjoy your life. Your job as a mother is in transition, make peace with that and seek your new normal.

Write small list of fun things you want to do or make. It's like being let out of school...it's your time now. Be kind to yourself and others. It's an amazing world...👍🙋‍♀️

It is very very hard BUT with time you will learn to find your new purpose....eventually being an empty nester you can start to do YOU again after a lifetime of not.... You must embrace the next phase of your life and look forward not backwards!! ❤️

The greatest gift you can give your children is their independence. To know they can be happy and successful in life on their own is everything a parent strives for. You need to start now to fashion your passion in your own life. Get involved in your community and meet people who share your interests. What activities can you do to keep your body moving and your brain stimulated. Your adult children will still love you and need you as an active vibrant presence in their lives.

I’m in the exact same position - I feel your words but am working through the aloneness - decided it’s my eat, pray, love year.

I had a very, very rough time of it. I was a parent from 19 years of age and was a babysitter prior to that. All I knew was kids. I barely functioned and let life pull me wherever. My youngest is now 30. I am still adjusting to what/who I want to be.

I am in this same position. I’ve been raising children for 37 years. My youngest will graduate next year. It is very unnerving…

.... huge period of adjustment! It physically hurts...once we , Mother’s, were the hub and now, increasingly, , just a spoke! .... gather your best and dearest female friends around you. Chances, they are or have been going through this tough time. Our men, folk, relish this time, viewing it as , now their time! We, women view it, as loosing our darlings. We are expected to smile, help them pack, and wave them off. Toooooo sad, toooo hurtful. Time, is The Answer! God bless xxxx

Well done, momma. You’ve dedicated many years to nurturing and encouraging your children in life. What a wonderful gift you’ve given them. The gift you offer them now is your confidence in them to be the caring, responsible adults you raised them to be. Do not enable but encourage and give them space to figure things out for themselves. It’s now time to pivot and turn all that energy and time you gave to your children to yourself. Give yourself time to discover this new person who, I’m certain, is so much more wiser, gifted, compassionate. Rejoice in this new stage of your life, there’s so much to look forward to, accept the time given you to realize your dreams, past or present. I can’t wait to hear all the goodness you will soon discover!

Take a deep breath and push your reset button. You're beginning the best years of your life. My kids are grown, married, and on their own. Both of my parents have passed away. I have no siblings. For the first time in my life, I don't have anyone depending on me to care for them and I can finally focus on myself. Think about it, you can do what you want, when you want, and the way you want to do it. Enjoy!

As most have written to you, branch out, start doing things you have always wanted to do but put off due to raising children. Dance, book clubs, back to school, travel clubs (there are a ton just for women if you are not in a good space for male companionship), so many options now for us ladies!

One is never done parenting. I' m not sure why you feel alone - did your partner just die? I was a single parent for most of my kids' lives and they are in their 40s now and I have my grands several days a week and for a couple of years, helped homeschool them. You may feel more alone when your youngest leaves. Try to enjoy each stage of your life.

When my daughter graduated from high school I cried. Yes, I was taking in the proud parent moment but also I knew that a chapter of my life was over. The football games weren’t the same without her friends on the field or sitting in the stands with parents cheering. My daughter went away to school but came home after the first year (not the right fit). After a few life adventures she graduated from college and I felt that same feeling. Life has a nasty habit of giving you opportunities to learn and grow so be on the lookout for them. I’ve been blessed in having young children cross my path that I have been able to mentor for a short period and then years later see them again as fine young adults. I’m now 71 and my daughter has asked me to come and live with her (I live in the basement apartment and she lives upstairs). Give yourself time to breathe

I'm right there with you! I've been raising kids 36 years and my youngest is 20 and still living at home. My middle child just recently moved out with her boyfriend. I am hoping that by him being home and then not home often, will help me adjust to being an empty nester. My youngest isn't going anywhere soon though, I don't think. He's on the autism spectrum and needs more support to be able to live independently. I am finding that I have more time to do the things I want to enjoy. I have recently started volunteering at a shelter for senior animals. Maybe find something you enjoy doing. I'm finding I don't really know what I want to do because I've been "mom" for so long

I'm sure your 19 year old was a great source of comfort, friend and respect. Its hard when children leave however, you need to look at the accomplishment of raising a wonderful person ready to go out on her own. You will still need each other just on a different level. Cherish every next moment with her and do the same with your younger child. Life changes and acceptance is a huge part of it!

It is hard, think about activities you have always fancied and never tried, I have joined Tai Chi and other physical activities which are good for me mentally and physically, I have lost some weight and feel good about myself, there will always be a hole where parenthood used to be, but we have done our job of bringing them up. now we can ask ourselves what WE would like, no one asks that when the kids are at home so That when they are grown we don,t even know what we want. look at outdoor activities to keep fit or maybe there is something with crafts you have always fancied, learn to play a musical instrument, anything to keep your mind sharp and capture your interest. It is a very tough time for everyone when the kids are grown.xx

Jesus loves you. You are never alone. Reach out to a local church. Start going, get involved in helping others . I guarantee it helps so much!

My youngest (31) just moved out this week! I have wanted her to get on with her life ( she was at home as studying and I was fine with that) but it is very quiet life now! I have a little dog this last year and she has been a great distraction after the loss of my husband and thru Covid times. I find myself bumbling thru the day and then wondering where the day has gone! Life has changed dramatically. I think all we can do is take each day as it comes, and try snd enjoy moments in each day. Build your activities now so you have things you love to do down the track when it does happen, but at 19 your youngest may be home for a while yet.💐

I didn’t go through this as much when my children became independent adults as I am now that my grands are starting to grow up and develop their own lives. I have to admit I miss them.

I have found many women feel this as their children age into young adults. Our self image has been based on being a parent and suddenly, it seems, we are no longer needed in that capacity. We have to re assess our whole being and find out what we want and need to go on into another phase of our lifr. We rediscover our selves and discover our future. It’s all good, but we feel unerved until we reach our new stride. God speed!

You’re entering another wonderful chapter in your life. Try not to let things stress you, enjoy the ride and treasure the memories and accomplishments of raising your children. Once things settle in your heart, let your own lite shine. It may not feel like it yet but you still have lots of things to do. It’ll happen naturally. You’ll be fine 😃, life is good because you’re part of it.

A wise woman who was an empty nester (after raising 5 kids as a single mother) told me to get a big, old, comfy chair. She said to sit in it and wallow in my grief for as long as it takes. She said eventually you will want to get up and get on with it. IT WORKED! And then there were grandkids…pure bliss!

3 days ago

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Two very tiny things from earlier: I got to see the sun rising and at the dining table the roses in the vase were so fragrant that I could smell them by just walking by.

Since it’s 6:23 am. I’d say my husband woke up. He has cancer. Everyday is a blessing with him. I’m broken hearted. Married 41 years next month.

My friend gave me some ginger roots to plant. His plant grew 20kg of ginger. I am hopeful.

I started a new chapter in my life without a hitch!

My husband of 54 years is in congestive heart failure. They said 6 months to maybe 12. That was nine months ago. He's still here and I'm blessed to be healthy enough to look after him and make the most of each day.♥️

I picked up my paint brushes again after quite a few months. A wounded duck is starting to trust me and called out to me to feed her while she was alone. All the other ducks push her away. Hopefully with trust building I can hopefully can fix her wounds.

My Dad's surgery went well.

Went to a line dancing social all afternoon I danced to at least 10 songs

It is awfully early to be asking me about my day. My first thought is, Well, I woke up.” Then I realized, That is a good thing! I’m looking forward to more good things today.

I was able to eat some fruit without being sick. I’m 3-days out of hospital after lung cancer surgery, so finding a food I can stomach is wonderful.

I woke up and am enjoying watching a gentle rain fall.

I saw my first humming birds at the hottest point of the day. Then the fattest cardinal. Bees galore in my St. Francis garden and a grass hopper on a blade of grass. Ive been sick. My first hour out in weeks. Be blessed Sister.

I am thankful I’m in my own home, well enough to start another day. My family are well and together.

I went most of the day without knee pain and I was able to talk with a regular voice for short periods of time

I woke up this morning and had coffee outside in my garden while the world was still asleep and talked with God! 😇🦋🌻

First time since Covid that My husband and I were strong enough to take our favorite walk through our neighborhood to the intracoastal! Thank you Lord for your mercies!

Went for a walk with my 14 year old Dog . He is getting slower but loves his walks ❤️

I took my grand dog Marley for a walk, he is 11 and I just love him❤️

My 18 year old granddaughter shared a photo of her hand she jammed in her glass sliding door ! Not good news that she jammed it but good news that she shared it with me !

I watched a small feral kitten outside our door. He was rolling around and cleaning himself. So sweet..

I turned a healthy 77. I heard from so many friends. Awesome.

I babysat my three year old granddaughter yesterday. There was a time when she didn’t care for me much, but I didn’t push myself on her. I would just say “You’ll love me some day.” She has been getting better with me gradually and today I got several unsolicited hugs and kisses. Worth the wait!

Delivered 10 paintings to an exhibition..... fingers crossed...

My son thanked me for being a good mom!

Got to hug friends for the first time in 1.5 years.

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Amazing portraits of the young and older actors.

Many of them look better older than they did younger. They aged gracefully indeed!

I love all these actors and love how they were placed together in their pictures!

Great pictures! We should all do this.

wow how absolutely fantastic - some have aged well, some havent but this collage is really great !

Oh, my…time does its thing to,us all,,

Oh wow, thanks for sharing, little trips down memory lane.

Always drawn to Clint Eastwood and all the good movies he made over the years. 💖

This is so cool. Some are actually better looking with age.

Hugh Grant...just as good if not better

Some have changed a lot and others so little .

Benjamin Joel There is something that You can consider of including into YOUR ARTISTIC Genre?

Most of them look better after they have aged !

I think Tom Cruise sold his soul…..lol

These are awesome! What advice would you give your younger self worthy!!

Clients ask me why our hair grays, I tell them if we didn’t wrinkle and gray, no one would know our ages! God had a plan!

Did anyone else notice that most of the mens noses changed shape, mostly larger or spread out somewhat.

These are awesome pics...but why does our body have to change with age? Not as noticeable with other species. 🙁

Love it ,I think the older versions look the best

This was fun, I loved the older version of many of them, is that because I am 79 and no longer 17?🥴👏👏

Very nice. Some pics look like parents and child and others look like younger versions of themselves

Time & age; a privilege denied to so many. A blessing to most.

Just amazing pictures…really loved seeing these. All wonderful then and great now!

So cool and yes some of the older versions are better

I want to have photos like this. How can I get them?

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