Changed Partner

“I have been married 40 years and work full time. I am very active but my husband won’t do anything with me. I tried taking him walking in the forest. He was sullen and angry…

I joined fire brigade to have something to do with him. He stopped going. I am planting hundreds of trees on the back of our farm. You guessed it, he has never come and helped. I have owned my current horse for two years; he has never seen me ride him. Today I changed the oil on our generator. Did three loads of washing, vacuumed, cleaned solar panels on a ladder and plank. When he got home from work all he wanted to know was why I hadn’t carried down the drop saw from upstairs to cut wood for the fire. (I asked him to help me with this early in the week as it seemed awkward to do)

He works hard but has an ongoing problem with alcohol and just seems so resentful all the time and lacking any energy or drive besides work. I am supportive of his work and try not to expect anything from him. He sleeps for at least 11 hours a day and more on the weekend.

I feel very lonely and feel that he just doesn’t appreciate the faithful motivated wife he has. We could do so much together but I just keep doing it all on my own. It’s not worth the eye-rolling and hand to his forehead I get when I ask him to help me. I’m not sure how I ended up like this. I don’t know how to fix it. I am thinking of seeing a councilor for myself but I know he wouldn’t go. Do many of you have partners this age who have changed to become like mine?” -Anonymous


  1. Leave now! I stayed in a marriage, where alcohol was a problem,for 43 years. I left with very little when I was 60. One year later my husband passed away from liver cancer….direct result from Hep C….then cirrhosis. He refused to stick with AA.He was in the hospital for 3 months.I was by his side everyday for that time. I have no regrets….he had so many chances and blew them.We had 3 beautiful sons who are men now.It broke my heart when the youngest got married and raised a toast to his Dad….and when another son received his plumbers Red Seal…his dad was a plumber….he said he wished he (dad)could have been there to see him.Damn it! He should/could have been there!!My heart breaks for my boys that there dad was too selfish to think of them and get help.I try to compensate….but a boy( man) needs his Dad.😢

  2. I have been married 33 years, I was 32 when we got married. My first, his second. We used to do some things together. Mostly what he wanted to do. Lately, he goes drag racing with his friends and I stay home with my pets. He says this is why he doesn’t ask me to go. Half of his race friends don’t know he’s married. We each have children, I like his daughter(it’s been a hard road) My husband hates my son and doesn’t want him here when he’s home. I am furious about his childish attitude, but I go to visit my son and he comes here when Bill isn’t home. I choose to stay, I enabled my husband to be like he is, but he’s 76 and he needs me and I believe he loves me. I am unhappy but not miserable. It’s a different way than I expected, but oh, well.

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