Daughter’s Choices

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“I just need to talk this out. I have a daughter I love very much. She has done a lot with her life…

She became an RN and I could not be any prouder with her if it was her Masters. We have tried to always be there for her.

Married and divorced three times. To me, I feel like her happiness depends on a man in her life. She has four children; the youngest being 17 years old. He has worked the latest divorce between his parents to work for him.

The reason I am writing is that she changes her profile picture almost daily with it photo shopped to the point she looks as young as her 26 year old daughter. Why can’t she accept who she is?

There have been health issues in the last few months but not life threatening. Just does not manage things in her life as she should and I feel responsible as her dad and I have bailed her out with financial assistance more than once.

Again we love her but do not understand her. If you have advice I would love to hear from you.” -Anonymous

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22 thoughts on “Daughter’s Choices”

  1. It is past time to let go of your responsibility to monitor your daughter’s behavior. Allow her to work this out without your judgment or interference. Stay off Facebook and don’t bail her out any more. Pursue your own interests. Show her how to live a full, rich life by your own example. And pray.

    1. You don’t say how old she is but it is obvious that she needed to stand on her own long before now. I don’t mean to be cruel but you need to stop looking at her social media all the time. Its her life and she needs to know that you trust her to handle it. You can give her the confidence she needs but standing back a bit. Teach her. Remember, feed a man a fish, you’ve fed him for a day, teach a man to fish and you’ve fed him for a lifetime.

  2. Stop bailing her out. My parents did that for the youngest sister her whole life, now they’re gone and she is helpless with a college degree at 55 years old. Don’t enable your daughter, let her figure it out. And seriously, stop looking at her Facebook ….that is HER business, not yours.

  3. I was that daughter for a long time. But now I am a single independent woman in my 60’s. It took awhile for me to figure out I was at my best without a man in my life. Some of us are. She is who she it and will figure it out in her own time. In the meantime enjoy your life and don’t worry about things you can’t change.

  4. Definitely stop bailing her out. To the person who days they will continue to do so to provide the grandchildren…if things are that bad then IMO the concern at this point is stability for those babies. If the mom isn’t providing that, then the grandparents, if able and willing, should step in and bring them to their house until mom gets her act together. JMHO…

    1. The grandchildren are not babies the youngest is 17 the eldest 26, all of whom should have jobs, even if it is part time.

  5. Your daughter needs to learn that she is “enough. “ she has a great career and wonderful children. That is enough! She should live within her means and ENJOY her life. She is so blessed and doesn’t even know it.

  6. Poor woman sh obviously has problems about being loved. Always give time to her but please stop bailing her out. Don’t wait until she asks give her the word so she has time to get used to it. But make sure she knows you love her at all times.

  7. Sometimes what most people consider “bailing your kids out” is to us “keeping our grandchildren safe and in a good home.” If I am guilty of aiding and abetting my adult child, so be it. My grandchildren are not going to having utilities turned off, rent not paid, etc.

  8. I was like your daughter until I was miserable enough to seek counseling. At the same time (when I was finally willing to receive it) God brought a more mature woman mentor into my life & I learned so much from her about being self-supporting & reliant on God rather than men. When I got comfortable in my own skin, most of those insecurities were resolved. Best advice to you, stop enabling, & encourage older woman friendships & reinforce confidence building by pointing out positives rather than giving unsolicited advice. I took all well- intended advice as criticism & I heard, “you’re a screw-up” when NO ONE ever said that.

  9. At her age if she hasn’t changed by now she’s not going to. She’s a grown woman. All you can do is let her know you love & accept her. Love & acceptation that was the key for me.

  10. I recently received some excellent advice concerning adult children. You are only responsible for your beliefs, your actions and your life. You are not responsible for any one else’s choices. It is hard advice to swallow, but once you change your mindset it is very freeing!

  11. Reading this makes me feel I am not alone. My daughter is struggling finding a job just out of a 4 year college, and moved across country away from friends and relatives. I pray she finds her way soon. Very worried for her.

  12. If you bail her out, you are essentially saying, “I don’t believe you can handle this. You are not capable, and you need someone else to handle the consequences of your choices”. It makes her weak, and she will never gain strength this way. I too have a daughter, that we don’t see eye to eye on many things. But I am hands off on her life. I would rather have a relationship with her, than focus on what I would change. I can’t change anyone but myself. So I pray for her, and love her. That is all.

    1. It never occurred to me until recently that helping out/ bailing out would inadvertently send that message. Our sone, a lawyer went through a divorce and some pretty deep depression issues and while we are here emotionally for him, money was a real stressed for him so we did what we could to help him. In our attempt to alleviate some of his stress, I think we made him feel like he couldn’t do it on his own, or made him think we didn’t believe he could. A therapist gave some some lines to use so I could support but let him handle his own life. “ wow, that sounds tough. That sounds like a great situation to talk to a therapist about.”, I know that you are smart enough, strong enough to figure this out. I’ve seen you do it before.” They are my go to answers now when I want to jump in and “fix” things for him.

  13. Stop bailing her out . Time for her to grow up and for you to to enjoy life . At her age only she can change her life. Keep lines of communications open and always let her know shes loved.

    1. I have a daughter just like that. She has one beautiful son and is divorced following a very scary cancer diagnosis. She won a nice settlement for malpractice and blew it all in two years. I wont give her $, not even for her birthday. Bad choices in men has caused all of it. I agree, cut her off. She will be in a world of shite when you die. She needs to learn to be independent NOW!

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