Estranged Son

“Several years ago my husband passed away. We had been married for over three decades. It was a second marriage for both of us and we each brought children from the previous unions to the marriage…

He had a son and I had one son and one daughter. We raised them as ours, the biological parents being out of the picture. We legally adopted the children. It was not always easy, but we loved each other and our children.

By the time my husband passed, our children were married, with children of their own, and out of the house. I struggled with the loss of my husband, we all did.

My son (I do not call him stepson) and I have always had a great relationship and expressed this verbally an in many other ways. Several years before my husband passed, our son went through a divorce and married again. I did not like her.

Once he married this lady, he started pulling away from the family. I understand this is normal for children to go out and have their own lives, but this was different. Family events, he acted differently. If he did come, he kept to himself.

Fast forward to after his father’s death, he really pulled away, became very distant, and if he called or came around it was very obligatory. Especially if she was there. Mainly he tried to reach out without her being there.

When there were times he was around without her, he seemed himself. The minute she showed up he acted differently to myself and his siblings. The final blow up was over a phone call during which I tried to discern why he was so distant and he let loose on me for over an hour about how I had ruined his life by marrying his father. He said horrible things about me and his siblings.

I then found out afterward, his wife had been saying many horrible things about me on social media. I tried to apologize for whatever slights, real or perceived. I forgave them both for anything I felt they had done. I just tried every way to keep the family together.

It has now been eight months since I have seen or spoken to my son. I know this would break my husband’s heart, as it does mine. Any suggestions? Any similar circumstances? Needless to say, I have done most everything I can do.” -Anonymous

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