Feeling Heartbroken

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“Tell me, does anyone have any advice on moving forward when you have been deserted by the people you love the most in this world?

Namely your two boys… that’s besides crying your eyeballs out on your pillows and not having value for anything anymore in life?How do you move forward when the love you once lavished on them has no place to live?

Dying for advice — feeling heartbroken.” -Anonymous

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36 thoughts on “Feeling Heartbroken”

  1. they are your boys and will come back just like the birds no matter how far they fly into the sky they always come back to the nest.give them time and they will realize your worth.

  2. I’m having separation anxiety, kids are living a good life busy , they love I know that , I gave up my life for there lives , my mistake, didn’t think about when they leave , I am having a awful time finding me , I’m introverted so not a lot of friends , quite lonely, working on it , it takes so long ,Depression makes it so much harder , if I could find someone similar to myself would be fantastic, praying for you , praying for me , we are worth it , learn to love ourselves 💜

  3. God designed it this way, they are living their life. Get busy and start loving life with friends and family that you didn’t get to see when you were busy raising your chikdren, they are probably in the same boat. Your life isn’t over it’s just begun

  4. This is your time. Too often we are so devoted to our husband and children that we become lost once we reach the empty nest stage of our lives. This is your time to do as you please. Call up the girls and plan a get away for an afternoon. A weekend or a day away will do you good. Sew craft ski do whatever you want. You no longer are on anyones schedule but your own. Be happy. You have done your job. Now time to move on to taking care of you!!!

  5. Dear Friend,
    One life lesson I go by for children is “Children never stop leaning from you until the day you die. Even in the process of death they are still learning, learning how to die”…. what I am trying to say is that your boys may not be present for the lesson but the way you live your life today still counts.
    From this moment, go forth with gratitude and as though your life is the example they need. They may never actually be blessed to learn the lesson but trust me, there are others who will, others who need it desperately. If you step forward in gratitude and faith, God will take you the rest of the way. If you are so overwhelmed you can not take the first step alone, first know that you are never alone, God has you. Second, grief counseling may help you transition back to a place of peace and power. Your sadness touches my heart. You will survive this time! Prayers to you my friend.

      1. ❤️Jean…. I know so many who are struggling with this… very sad indeed. The heart loves what the heart loves, the heart wants what the heart wants. What I’m saying is that only in retrospect after having the courage to step forward out of our darkness, do we see how God provided not only cover, but filled the need we cried out for. We will never forget the loss of our children, we’re not supposed to. But it is possible not to suffer so sadly, so tragically, for in losing yourself in this pain it becomes twice the loss.
        Have courage to step forward in possibility. God Bless❤️

  6. As someone who was never blessed with children I am probably not perfectly suited to answer this. I will tell you that, once I knew that children were not part of my future I realized I had two choices…I could sit and let that lack dictate my life or I could look for other ways to enrich my life. I did a lot of volunteer work and not only realized that my problems were not the biggest one out there, but as a bonus met numerous wonderful children. From my volunteer work learnings and contacts, I moved into a wonderful and fulfilling second career in a charitable organization. I also evaluated my personal interests. Loving to read I joined a book club, loving to dance I started jazzer use and now Zumba. Loving to sew I took lessons on quilting. In all of these I met many wonderful people and over the years many have become a family to my husband and I. My suggestion to you is, find you love and find a new way to get engaged with it. I’d your sons are no longer part of your life, you may find there are many others who will embrace you as a friend, like a second mom, as a confident or as a colleague and you will all enrich each other’s lives. The person you need to love most is yourself and the love of others will be attracted to that.

    1. Agree. There are plenty of places to volunteer and you meet the nicest people. Hobbies or things that interested you but you didn’t have time to pursue while children were little.

  7. I am so sorry for the heartbreak you are enduring with the separation of your precious children from your life. I too, have endured the stretch and heartbreak of losing my two boys. One by his own hand, when he decided that life here on this earth was just to painful to endure any longer, and the other to unresolved differences, and disappointing choices from both of us. There is no heartbreak like that of losing a child, whether by death or by their decision to remove themselves from your life. However, I can tell you that there is no healing like the healing that comes from our Heavenly Father. By placing my trust, hope, faith, and my life in His hands, I am healed. My heart is completely healed from the grief of losing my youngest son to suicide, and there has been restoration with my oldest son. Relationships with our children will always require work throughout this journey of life…like all relationships. Sometimes we have to love them from a distance, but learn to love them unconditionally, trusting God through it, believing in His love for us. But, while we wait on God, we can’t stop living our lives, we can’t stop experiencing His joy, and His peace. The pain and suffering we endure from family, can be more devastating than any other, because our expectations of family is on a much higher scale than any others. Just remember the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Take a stand against the enemy, and put on the full armor of God! Not today devil!

  8. Lavished your love on them , so now it’s time to lavish love on yourself . I’ve never understood how parents don’t understand that kids are supposed to grow up and leave us . Maybe this is some of the issues kids have with parents .

    1. Daisy,

      Having raised 3 children who have all flown the coop, this dear lady’s heartache sounds like far more than just her boys growing up, developing a life and moving on.

    2. Sorry but, there is a huge difference in a child going out on their own than deserting your family and cutting off all communication. Prayers for all families dealing with this.

  9. I would probably volunteer to work with children, since it seems you have a lot of love to give. It won’t take away your anguish, but it might give you some peace and happiness to know you’ve helped others. It’s also a mind blowing experience to see just how good we have it! I’m sorry you are having to go through this.

  10. Don’t let your happiness depend on anyone but yourself. Love them and pray for them. I have a daughter that chooses not to have anything to do with me because of choices in the past. I don’t know her children or her grandchildren. But I love them and pray for them. Find things to do and keep busy, but love them and pray for them.

      1. Not necessarily , kids grow up and get busy and only think of their own lives . They think we will always be there for them when They need us. They don’t stop to think that maybe we might need their attention or help because they just focus on their selves. Kind of similar to the Harry Chaplin song , Cats in the Cradle .

        1. I heard this song on the radio this morning. As a teen I loved the song. Now as a parent it really hits home.
          I know from my own feelings we all feel a little left out in the cold when our children are grown and out doing what they are supposed to do. I am there.

  11. Although we love our children more than anything in this world, sadly and probably rightly so, they do not feel the same about us. They have to go on to build their own lives which someday won’t include us. It was a very hard realization when I finally got it. So I have learned to love them just as I always have but with many less expectations. Show them your love and appreciate the time they give you. But most importantly go on with your life too. It is just the natural order of life.

    1. This is exactly what I was going to say. I lost one son to death and the other son is just really,really busy living his life. I make all the “dates” to see him and his family. He loves getting together but just doesn’t make the effort himself. I have learned to accept this and I have found peace and have a wonderful life.

    2. That is the true circle of life. We give birth to them. We love them. We live our lives and make decisions that were right for that time, and we live with those decisions. When our children become adults…whom we have taught to think for themselves…they will live their own lives and make their own decisions, sometimes not liking or understanding the decisions that we made. This is life. Mine disappeared out of my life and are living their own, in their own way. I respect that. But l miss them dreadfully at times. Every generation deals with the life that they have to live with the worlds influence affecting their life style. I don’t understand my children’s world…nor my grandchildren’s world…and certainly not my fret grandchildren’s worlds. I have a hard time keeping up with this world at all. But l try. I have built a satisfactory life for myself filled with loving friends and grandkids, and volunteering. I learned to shift my focus from what l didn’t have to what l do have, and my faith keeps me strong. Was it easy? No! Was it necessary? Yes! Am l at peace with myself! Yes! Have l found contentment in my heart, soul, and daily life? Yes l have! And believe you me…if l can do this…l was as stubborn as a mule…you can too. I wish you nothing but the best and send you many blessings for your future. 🙏❤️🤗🙏

  12. Identify with you honey. My daughter has chosen to estrange herself and refuses me to communicate with my grandchildren because of a choice I made. Bear the pain and love them quietly anyway. It’s excruciating but there is peace in sacrifice. Bless x

    1. I also know this pain. It is devastating to know that the sons I gave everything for would turn away from me. I’m not “allowed” to be in their or my grandchildren’s life because of a mistake I made. It’s been over 2 years since I’ve saw any of them. I’ve tried everything so now I just love and pray for them and try to take it day by day knowing that God knows and sees everything.

    1. Don’t know the circumstances, but I can tell you that one of my sons deserts me for many years because I disagreed with some choices he made. I prayed every day for restoration and forgiveness on both sides. It took years, but we have a loving and caring relationship now. There is hope! Never give up!

  13. A lot depends on them but if they have chosen to distance themselves than you must respect that – give them time- see a therapist but your happiness is not attached to them. My son and I just had a conversation on whether I love him more than he loves his dog. They will grow and understand or not . You must do the same and live your best life and every once in a while invite them into it. Expect nothing from them and you may be surprised

  14. Start loving yourself. No one owes you happiness. That comes from within you. Yes, you probably sacrificed yourself throughout raising them. Get over that mistake and make a life for yourself. Is it easy? No. But do you really want to.be miserable for the rest of it?

  15. ??? I don’t mean to be “mean” but why did they desert you? Did they die (hope not), move away (for college/job), simply marry someone? You sound devastated.

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