Getting On With Your Life

“Would like some advice on this matter. I was married for about 12 years in a violent relationship;…

“Would like some advice on this matter. I was married for about 12 years in a violent relationship; had three children and eventually built up the courage to leave…

Fast forward – I met a very, nice, kind, and loving man 26 years ago and we have been together since he took on the role of father for my two daughters. We had a great relationship and got married in 2005. We had a daughter together and she is 21 and the love of our lives. I always had a great relationship with my daughter but about 10 years ago my son got in contact with his sister he had worked outside of the country for some time and he started to come home and stay at their house in another town so I avoided going there when he was home a couple of years. One of my daughters moved to our home town and my son asked my daughter if we could meet up, which I did, and it pleased me so much.

I had always felt that part of me was missing. My husband welcomed him with opened arms but he seemed very distant from us. He speaks if he must but very little interaction with us over the years.

My relationship with my two older daughters has changed. I don’t know if it because my son is back, but it feels this way. This has caused a lot of tows in our house. Family events and Christmas time feels like my family has split in two. My two daughters and son are one family and my husband and me and my youngest another.

One of my daughters never comes home any more, she goes to her sister’s house and stays there. Might call for half an hour before she leaves for the weekend. It very hurtful. I tried to ask her if there was a reason she does not come home any more and she gave me a story about the alarm in the house drives her insane but I think there is more to it. They plan outings with just the three of them and one of my daughter’s (she is married and has kids) used to call to my house before knowing I am without a job and only stays for a little while and goes again.

What should I do… just get on with my own life and let them get on with theirs? Any advice would be grateful.” -Anonymous

36 comments
  1. You cannot force a relationship if they aren’t willing. Just let them know you are ready when they are ready and get on with your life.

  2. Yep. Put on your big girl panties and move on. You cannot change someone else. Find other interests and find new friends and do not let indecicive family dictate your life. You have sacrificed ENOUGH. In my never humble opinion.

  3. Going through similar issues. Even my adult grandkids keep asking me what happened to our family. I’ve tried everything I know of to heal the issues to no avail. But, I prayed for them and I’ve forgiven them and I’m moving on. Out of 19 family members, I hear and see 5. I just concentrate on the ones that choose to involve me in their lives. Covid certainly does not help. I realize that how they choose to live their lives is their journey, not mine. Stay positive, love the ones who love you and find peace. Best of luck friend ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

  4. Yes…I have similar issues with my eldest. I finally just stopped trying and let him know that Im here when he is ready. Up to him…chasing was just too painful

  5. Is there any way you can arrange a round table chat for you and the 3 kids? Maybe sitting down with all 3 together, airing whatever issues they perceived, will shred some light as to the root of the matter.

  6. I wish I could tell you something that would ease the pain, but I know from experience, that there are no magic words. You must live your life to the fullest and allow them to do the same.

  7. Move on. Otherwise you’ll descend into illness, and damage the happy relationship you have with your new family. We cannot make anyone do what they don’t wish to do. If you can ‘cast off your previous’, a great weight fall from your shoulders, and you’ll find your interactions with them will become much more relaxed…it’s a case of ‘Live and let live’.

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