Gossiping Neighbour

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“Hi lovelies, after some advice please. l live in a retirement estate, and there are many people here who gossip about each other.

l started being friends with one of my neighbours who loves dogs. l have a small dog and she would come over to see her often. This lady is very dominating and opinionated and talks about other people here to the point where l found out twice it was about me also to others.

l broke our friendship twice but now we are friends (again) but l don’t trust her. She complains of others borrowing money from her. My problem is that my dog has allergy skin reactions. My neighbour came with me to the vet; vet gave her injection which lasts six weeks and cost $120 each six weeks. l can use cortisone which is cheaper (for me being on a small fixed income), but my neighbour now is constantly saying she will pay for it each six weeks. l keep telling her no, she can’t do that l don’t want her to it’s not right. l know we are going to get into an argument as l am going to the vet soon to get the cortisone instead. l don’t want to break the friendship as l am quite lonely at times, but l feel it’s wrong but l can’t make her see this, and l certainly don’t want to be gossiped about my financial affairs. What do you think?” -Anonymous

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13 thoughts on “Gossiping Neighbour”

  1. As far as accepting her offer to pay for your dog, tell her you think it is an insult for her to suggest such a thing. You need to make new friends, and wean yourself away from her gossip, before others think you too, gossip.

  2. Call her on her behavior. Tell her it bothers you and then walk away if it continues. Lifes too short and there are so many nice people out in the world who dont do that

  3. I have a friend like this as well. Her fun and personable personality sucked me in too fast and I became close to her before I knew her true nature. I have distanced myself and just never seem to be available. I worried she was bad mouthing me but know I have nothing to be bad mouthed about and I think others will eventually see or already have seen through her as a gossip. Distance yourself but stay polite.

  4. Try to widen your circle of friends–this person may seem a friend but it will not end well. Shes trying to buy your friendship and obligate you to her. I’ve dealt with a situation like this and some distance from her will be better for you.

  5. I also have a gossipy friend! And have learned to be very careful what I tell her. She is also very generous but her generosity is self serving because she always lets everybody know about it! Even if it was a confidential matter. Be firm about your boundaries and be careful with your comments!

  6. Goodness, I believe I would gently be less available to her and look for true friendship elsewhere. Kind of her to offer but taking her money will obligate you to her and, I believe, she knows that. Free yourself of that obligation and widen your friendship circle.

  7. At this point in life, who cares what people think about me?

    What would you say to child that is being “bullied and talked about behind their back?” These “ladies” have nothing better to do but cause drama. Do you really need to invite drama into your life?

  8. A good book I read (wink) says, “tell the truth in love”—my nature is to be a truth teller. The part I’m learning is the “in love” part. I often take it and take it and take it from friends like your gossipy neighbor—and then blow up, saying things that are rude and hateful. I need to learn to say direct things that could help someone but not when I’m personally irritated. The book I’m referring to also says, “bless those that curse you.” It’s hard, but by being good to those that harm you puts their nastiness on pause and their head on tilt… like, why are they being nice to me? Anyway, this is longer than I meant for it to be. Best wishes, I’m up against people like this all the time.

    1. Gossip can be toxic. She is not really a friend, she sounds domineering and spiteful. She would probably talk about how she is paying your vet bills. Gossips can also embellish the truth. If you live in a community there must be others there you could reach out to. Friendship should not cause you problems, friendship should help solve them.

  9. The neighbor is going to gossip and know things she really doesn’t simply because she gossips. It’s a unhealthy “friendship” to begin with for you. Surely she is not your only choice of friendship in a Senior Community. Be upfront with her, she needs that.

  10. Just firmly continue to sat no. She will react the way she act. Her reaction is out of your control. Try not to worry about it too much. It seems like she wants your friendship too so hopefully that will continue.

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