Heartbreak

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“I’ve posted several times about my situation. My husband is moving out after 22 years.

Heart attacks or something has changed him into a different person.

I can’t understand how it can hurt. After all the emotional abuse. At 66, can someone tell me, give me a word of encouragement. I didn’t think it would bother me this much. I wish I had the man I fell in love with back.” -Anonymous

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30 thoughts on “Heartbreak”

  1. I had a girlfriend who had been married happily to the sweetest man. Then he had a heart attack. They stopped his heart and started it again, and gave him meds that changed him completely…..and he became a demanding abusive shouter and complainer even though she took great care of him as a priority. Finally she couldn’t take any more and he couldn’t change. She left him in the care of his family and I never saw her again.

  2. Many wise comments. May I add, make sure your finances are protected. Talk this over with your lawyer. Even if you stay together this is very useful. You need to enjoy your own company, whatever lies ahead. Best wishes!

    1. I agree. Protect your finances and yourself. My ex tried to murder me after 32 years of marriage. didn’t see it coming nor did I ever think he would take the whole bank account. Stay strong. better days will come too.

  3. My husband left me after a 38 year marriage, just calling one day and saying “I’m not coming home”. While his leaving was ‘out of the blue’, after a very long time, I came to realize what I missed wasn’t the man. It was the idea of what the relationship could have been. My faith, good counseling and great family and friends got me through. God bless you on your journey.

  4. There are many great ideas posted, I want to add, pray And ask yourself, what would make you happy? Then do them. Here are some ideas: libraries, museums, day trips to places you always to see. You can open new worlds and small escapes will help you heal.

  5. My husband wanted to separate after 30+ yrs of marriage. I asked him if he thought our life was worth saving. He said yes and we went to counselling. Turns out it was his job he was dissatisfied with. We stayed together for 2 more years. Again he wanted to split up. So we went to lawyers, got the house ready for sale. The time spent working on the house brought us back together. Unfortunately the house was sold and we started over in another community. He was being bullied at work and had a nervous breakdown at the time which made him want to leave our marriage. We are still together after 4 years. Things aren’t ideal but we work at it. I no longer love him in the same way but I do love him. Maybe I should have left and started over, who knows.

    1. I married a man older than me. After a while I recognized we always did what he wanted, when, how& where. He had female friends he corresponded with, sharing sweet sentiments. Our marriage turned upside down when I had my own thoughts and began to want to do some things that pleased me. After 15 years, he left and now lives with his girlfriend. I did grieve for what could have been. I’m happier than I’ve been in years and have made a life based on my family, friends & faith. Ivulunteer and am in a study group. You simply make your own happiness.

  6. My healing took time, but it has now come full circle. My 1st marriage ended Sept 11, 2001 due to my spouse’s unfaithfulness. He married his mistress. I ran amuke for a spell till God repaired my brokenness. I married my 2nd husband in 2014 after his wife left after 25 years and married her affair. Now, 19 years later, God has brought my ex out of his brokenness and is working on rebuilding him. I am sitting in a doctors office with my ex as he gets established for follow up. Understand that even though we get off the path, we have no idea how God will bring that path back and yield us onto His path. This couldn’t have happened 10 yrs ago. But because I yielded and forgave him, I have more than enough Grace to share. My suggestion for your situation… keep praying and let God battle for you.

    1. it can be difficult buy at your age you need peace and a beautiful life you know you don’t need any sort of abuse from someone who is suppose to make your days joyous. look deeper within yourself and sure enough you have the strength and courage to pick yourself up and make your life great.

  7. There really are no words of wisdom I can offer except to just feel the pain… live through it in whatever manner you can. Talk it out, wriTe it out over and over, talk out loud to yourself in the mirror all to get rid of the pain. One day while talking to yourself in the mirror you will see the one who is making it through and a small smile will form. You are the one who makes you smile again.

    1. Dee Dee you are a wise woman. You can heal and it takes time, time to find you and time to heal. You will heal when you let go and by doing those things that Dee Dee talks about you will bring it about. You will discover a “you” that has long been forgotten and put aside and you will learn to love her and that will be enough to fill you up with joy perhaps for the first time or again. Time – it takes time and it is worth the wait. I wish you goodness and grace on your journey.

  8. It sounds like you’re mourning more for the past and a happier time, more than the current situation. People change, relationships change…it sounds like your relationship hasn’t been a positive one for awhile. Just because your husband took the first step, that doesn’t mean it isn’t a good thing for you. No one deserves abuse, and the longer it continues the more your self esteem will suffer. This is your time to live your life on your terms, and spread your wings. My only suggestion would be not to get into another relationship too quickly. Use this time to learn who you want to be.

  9. I never thought I could move on when my 30 year marriage broke up. It takes time and yes a few years but you will find a whole new you and you can concentrate on your happiness. Start fresh ,head high and you will be surprised how much your can do by yourself
    Take care of you first

  10. We can’t know someone else’feelings or thoughts after you have done everything you know to do & left nothing unsaid. Let go. Go live your life. Sort your self out. Find yourself & what makes you content.

    1. Spend time with friends, family. Go out, look at nature, brief the air. Join groups that may interest you. Be around people. Have fun. Live.

      1. Find your own peace. Go get a makeover! Try something new. Smile more, even if you have to fake it until you make it. Foster a pet. And remember, rebirth can be beautiful.

  11. Some people have anger issues after heart attacks, or heart surgery. I would suggest your husband sees a counselor about anger issues. If he won’t go, you go. His wanting to leave has an underlying reason. You are always better off away from someone who won’t get help for themselves. Blessings.

  12. Talk it over with a counsellor, but be aware that there is a life out there that needs living. You can rely on yourself and enjoy the best you can be. He no longer suits you. People change, life evolves and somewhere you can be content. Widowed for 15 years and loving my independence.

  13. This happened to me after 35 years. At first I was full of anger and hatred but it didn’t take long for me to realise how lucky I was. I no longer had to put up with the abuse and narcissistic behaviour. I surrounded myself with happy people and learned to laugh again. I’m still on my own 5 years later mainly by choice. But even on my very worst day I’m happier than I was in my miserable marriage.

    1. Same happen to me after 30 years ,I was thinking till dead us apart .He had other plans and with his adultery and narcissistic behaviour I am glad I am free from him . A lot of anger but You know I had to go through it and nobody could walk my journey. I look back and its four years God sees me through. As His grace was more than enough for me. I move on and met the most beautiful person who treat me with respect and love me for who I am. Much happy where I am. I still struggle with the debts as he walk out like a free man. My lovely sons stand by me and together we made it. It will take time to get on my feet ,but I know God is my helper in time of trouble. Just so sad that the kids suffer as they are the men of tomorrow. I try to be kind to myself and see things in a different light. At the end its my life and I will never ever let another human being robe me or hurt me again.

  14. I have been married for 23 years. My husband retired from the military in 2015. He was not able to find a job. He got heavily involved with church and changed drastically. It hurts that he asks for a divorce and the only reason why is because I am not as big believer as he is. A man who used to solve his own problems and be proactive now thinks if he just prays more and believes more that GOD will fix everything for him. When that doesn’t work then he will say his faith wasn’t strong enough and will double down on it. He is still a good man and I get a glimpse of the man he used to be which gives me the strength to carry on,but I miss the man he used to be.

    1. Sounds like he lost the brotherhood of service and has replaced that with the church. His identity and belongingness is tied closely with these groups. Perhaps he hasn’t changed so much, but his personality was /is a reflection of these relationships rather than an image of what is in his own heart. Hopefully this might help explain his actions and motives, not sure if it helps the situation?!

    2. Katie, your message saddens me. I work for a church and we encourage people to love one another unconditionally. This means not pressuring a spouse who is not as committed, but lovingly accepting them and leading by example. We would only support separation where abuse is a factor. Sounds like your husband may not be as committed to church as he is making out and may just be using faith as an excuse. Perhaps challenge your husband and suggest you make an appointment with a minister or counsellor from the church. His reaction may at least start an honest discussion and give some clarity as to what is really going on.
      Thinking of you.

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