Help Wanted

Anonymous writes, “I am retired, my husband still works and my 34 year old daughter lives at home……

Anonymous writes, “I am retired, my husband still works and my 34 year old daughter lives at home…

I feel like I should have continued working… now that I am retired I am responsible for everything around the house. I do 99% of all household chores; cooking, cleaning, dog walking, grocery buying.

I am exhausted… is it unreasonable of me to ask for help? They both work full time jobs 30-40 hours a week. Thanks”

  1. They both work maby they could pick up after themselves. Maby help with the dishes after supper. But I remember when I worked all I felt like doing when I got home was making supper washing up & going to bed. I left all my cleaning until my day off. Just my opinion.

  2. People are under the impression, that when you are retired, you are not doing anything. Living in a house with grown people, they should know better. You are not responsible for the mess they create. Everyone should be cleaning up behind themselves or at least taking turns doing the things that are necessary for running the home. You have already worked your years and now should enjoy your retirement years. I would charge them for your services or I wouldn’t do them. Go on strike for about 2 weeks. I bet they will straighten up their mess!

  3. Just because you’re retired doesnt make you everyone else’s housekeeper. They can either help out or go together and hire a maid.

  4. The stay at home member of the household is going to do most of the work during the day. However, if the working members are being slobs, they need to clean up their act. And you should go off the clock when they get home. When they sit down to relax, you sit down. That may mean unwashed dishes are left on the table or in the sink. So be it! Nobody will die from it. Good luck retraining your family.

  5. I am 65, a widow, still have 5 kids at home because my husband and I adopted in our 50’s (we had 12 kids in all), and i homeschool. I do the lions share of everything, but i always have. It’s my “work,” or my job. Think of it that way. Minimalism helps so much. I buy paper plates at the dollar store because we dont have a dishwasher. I cook doubles, and freeze one, or sometimes, i spend a day doing nothing but cooking, and freeze two or three weeks worth of meals. I used to pick up after my husband, but i dint always pick up after my children, i tell them to get it themselves.
    Just think of this as your “job” and cheerfully keep your house.

  6. Just think how nice it would be if your day was 8 &1/2 hrs long, with pay and weekends free! so time for family conference. You agree in exchange for help to clean up house all together on Saturday morning, you all pitch in, specific jobs, daughter, vacuuming, washing you change sheets with hubby, he does lawns washes car etc, and your contribution is, dishes in evening and cleaning up. Now, I suspect this will be met with stuff like, what about my golf Saturday morning , or oh thats my sleep in day etc. So have a plan ok, I want money from both of you for a cleaner, and get one who comes for a day, changes sheets, mops floors, vaccs, bathroom clean and various things like frig clean. And you go out. Meet friends, coffee, manicure, library, try on dresses shoes. The reason your family get you to all this ‘invisible work’ is cos you always have done. So simple answer stop but have a plan! PS make sure your husband and daughter do object because you need time off too, just like they do!

  7. Call a family meeting, and keep it kind and loving. Tell them you are exhausted, and ask them which duties they would like to take over (and write it down and post it on the fridge😊)

    1. I was a single mom and did all of that. Worked 40+ hours a week, laundry, grocery shopping, housecleaning, cooking, lawn mowing!!!! However, if there had been other adults in the house I definitely would allow them their responsibilities at home. Make it clear and write it down. Be good natured. You are being fair.
      I’m sure you earned your retirement and should be able to enjoy it.

    2. You can make a list of all the daily weekly monthly yearly jobs the number of hours each of them until if it represents 300 hours a month conservatively ER whatever it is and then ask them how many hundred hours they like to do because you are all my planning to die doing 300 by yourself… They can a take a third of the hours be pay someone to take their third of the hours whatever you’re comfortable with definitely not your 300 hours…

  8. What are you doing for the rest of your glorious life? You are a very important person that now has the time to decide what you will now do. Life doesn’t stop at this time; it starts – to live all the things, interests, and life that you have been yearning for. Be true to your heart. Get busy being you – you wont have to time to be a maid. Unless of course that is what you want to do!

  9. When I retired, we hired a maid to come in every other week. I did the laundry. Hubs liked to cook and do dishes as well as the floors. I joined the Lion’s Club and watched my grands. You need to follow your Retirement dream not become a maid. They need to accept you are not one. Definitely have a family meeting and write down your “demands” before hand. Give them the option of daily and weekend chores or hiring someone to come in and do the chores. You need to find your joy and be happy!!

  10. Your daughter should be taking care of her own laundry-clothes, bedsheets etc. does she have her own bathroom? If so, she should be cleaning it. Does she cook a family meal at least once a week? It’s ok to get a cleaning person. It might be the solution for you.

  11. I was put into a type of forced retirement after 30 years in banking my company laid off 1/2 their employees after a buyout. It coincided with us having to take in my mentally I’ll BIL who required a full time “babysitter”. My husband works long days in a high pressure job. I’m happy to have the work to keep me busy. Going out for groceries is actually a treat for me! I make cleaning my workout. I may no longer contribute a paycheck, but my work is still invaluable to the health & happiness of my family.

  12. So you say that both your husband and your grown daughter work full time, 30 to 40 hours a week. Have you added up yet hours you are working in a week. Are you not entitled to a couple of days off as well where you don’t have to do anything. You need to decide what you don’t mind doing and what you don’t want to continue doing for the family unit and talk about it with them. You are retired so you should have some time to relax, garden, volunteer your time basically anything you want to do. I’m sure that while you were employed you had a lot of work to do and did both jobs so it’s time that you get to relax. I agree with some of the comments above in that your adult daughter should still be doing all of her own chores, her own laundry her own cleaning her space that she uses and there should be a day or two a week when she and your husband help with some of the other chores. They get two days a week off so do you. Where is the household needs to chip in for some help so that you can get out and enjoy some things you wanna do.

    1. People can clean up, pick up after themselves. Tell them you expect them to pitch in for a housekeeper to help you, that should do it! I am in the same boat by the way.

  13. Your husband and daughter are working full time but so are you.Just like them ,you too are entitled for leisure time.All three of you need to share the work,ie how a family works.No one individual should have to be burdened with all the work.

  14. Wait, wait. Just because YOU retired doesn’t make you the maid! They need to keep doing what they were doing before you retired. You’re the one who needs more leisure, not them.

  15. Read books by Dr. Leo Buscaglia. You need to stop doing everything. Do not pick up after anyone. Do your own laundry. Cook your own meals. The message will be bloody but it will be received.

    1. I haven’t thought of him in ages! He’s delightful! I will check him out again. Thanks for mentioning him.

    2. If I was at work 8 hours a day and my husband was retired at home, I would expect a little consideration. Not too much to ask that I come home ( with my wage packet) to a meal and clean clothes surely?

  16. You are 3 adults sharing a house. Ok your husband and daughter are still in paid work. But that does not make you a maid, or housekeeper. Have a family meeting, state that you need time off as well, as I bet you do all the work and cooking weekends. Your daughter should tidy up after herself do her own ironing wash her own clothes and iron them. Also either Saturday or Sunday either they cook or you are taken out for a meal preferably just you and your husband and spend the afternoon doing something you both enjoy, not television watching. Make rules NOW or you will become just the maid. Good Luck

    1. Well said
      Exactly! Also take yourself out if the home if you wish, join groups & do fun things. If they don’t help the going laid rate for housekeeping is $25-$35 an hour! Stand your ground, you are not Cinderella.

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