How to Help a Friend

June wants your opinion or advice, “I just learned that my best friend’s father is choosing to end…

June wants your opinion or advice, “I just learned that my best friend’s father is choosing to end his life through Death with Dignity this Saturday…

I want to do something for her, but we live in different states now. Other than already being available 24/7 via text and phone for her, I’m not sure what to do. Send flowers? That seems so… minimal.

If I were there in person, it’d be different – I’d precook meals for her, clean house for her, take care of the mundane chores and tasks, but that’s not possible. We’ve known each other since we were 18 and are both in our 60’s now. My heart breaks for her.”

  1. That is a tough one. I think just continuing to be there for her emotionally and physically by telephone or perhaps Zoom calls so you can see each other (zoom is a free app that you can download easily on your smartphone or computer if it has a camera).

    1. I was going to suggest Zoom. Seeing her best friends face while you talk would be wonderful. And a text every morning, not requiring a response from her, just to say I am thinking of you today and you aren’t alone. Hopefully a friend reunion coming in the future at some point. 💚

  2. Seems your doing as much as you can for her. Just letting her know your there for her that’s a good thing. It’s a sad situation. Thoughts with you all.

    1. You can order food to be delivered to her house. Me, I would love that. They can call and set up a time.

  3. You are doing what you can given the distance between you. When my father died an old friend that I grew up with sent my mother a hand written note in which she shared her memories of my father and how he helped her while we were growing up. My mother cried when she read it and then we saw the first smile in days. We spent an hour or more talking with my mother sharing stories about my dad that I’d never heard before. Mom still has the letter and takes it out occasionally when she feels sad. Your situation isn’t the same, but a hand written note expressing your feelings and sharing memories that are difficult to talk about Given the situation may provide comfort and maybe an opportunity to smile.

  4. I have a dear friend who lives several states away from me. We keep in touch via social media, but every now and then one of us initiates a get together sit down. We set a date and a time, then each in our own homes, fixes ourselves a cup of tea, sits in a comfy spot and one calls the other. We sit , we chat, we drink tea, just as we would do if we lived closer.It isn’t just that we have a particular need to discuss. It is just a time that we can sit and talk. It is a joy to both of us. My friend initiated this,by sending me a card with a tea bag, a date and time, and the invitation. It may work for you. I hope it does.

  5. Continue will all you are doing. If you would provide meals if you were near, perhaps you could purchase and send a week of meals, or arrange a week of supper deliveries with local vendors.

    1. Just doing for her what you are already doing is enough. Knowing that we are heard; when we are ready to be heard; is three quarters of the battle when dealing with the loss of a loved one. Not judging is first and foremost when hearing the grieving too. You are truly doing the most important thing that you can do for your friend that you love. She is blessed to have you. Experience speaking here. 😢🦋🙏

  6. Being there for her right now is important but being there down the road is maybe even more important as folks drift back to their own lives. Sharing memories of her father, checking in with her about how she is feeling in a mont, 2-3 months even a year is right. Don’t hesitate to talk about her feelings, so many people are afraid to ask. If she doesn’t want to share that’s fine at least she knows you are supportive. Also telling her how brave her father is for taking this route is really supportive. Been there and still working on the feeling 4 years later.


  8. I see your dilemma….if you knew her dad I would write a nice note revolving around a nice memory. It’s ok to say your not sure what to do but I love you! Then give her two weeks and try a phone call….and then another one. Maybe in a month send her a treat, cookies, flowers….what she likes. I can tell you who was there for me 30 years ago when we lost my wonderful dad….and be sure I remember who wasn’t!! Do more than one gesture if you really care! ❤️

  9. Tell her before Saturday comes that you love her and when ever needs you you will be there for her. Tell to remember you are right there on the phone for her if she needs to cry you will listen!! She knows you are there but repeat it so she doesn’t feel alone and if you don’t hear from her for awhile just text her with a message about how you are there for her. Why I am saying this is because sometimes people shut down on you. Some get depressed even though they know it’s coming!! Send HUGS to her!! Praying for you and her!!

  10. Someone in my Myeloma group chose that, she had failed all treatment. She made a video, close friends had sent her comforting things. A soft blanket with cats on it. (She loved cats) A sweater, slippers. She cherished the warm, soft comforting things as she took the pill and went to sleep. They felt like hugs to her.
    I hope that helps.

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