How to Help a Friend

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Anonymous writes, “I have the most wonderful best friend in the world. She is approaching 60 and has had quite a tough life.

Failed marriages, not her fault and she’s ended up raising four children alone. Three are wonderful and an absolute credit to mum BUT one is an absolute disgrace and I’m watching him slowly destroying his mum and its breaking my heart.

My friend is overly kind and he plays on her nature, he’s in his twenties and hasn’t worked a day in his life. He stinks, doesn’t lift a hand in the home, she’s tens of thousands of pounds in debt because she supports him financially. He is a hypochondriac and Googles conditions then says he has them and they spend most days at doctors appointments and every time they tell her he’s fine.

She has no social life because anything she’s invited to he insists on tagging along and no one wants him there because his personal hygiene is ghastly and he has no manners or social skills. He now has her convinced he’s terminally ill and she’s in a terrible way, even though everyone knows there’s nothing wrong with him. If she tries to put her foot down with him he threatens to commit suicide. How do I help her?”

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9 thoughts on “How to Help a Friend”

  1. It seems glaringly apparent thus young man has mental health issues. This mother needs all the support she can get. Yes he needs help and so does mum.
    She needs to seek a carers support group. They can help her with tough love and sourcing support for him.
    I pay there is a light at the end for you both. Big hugs.

  2. The mother must be blind to all this; she believes anything son says/does. And she must have something wrong with her sense of smell. And, she must “need” the feeling of being so so needed.

    1. She needs some counseling or advice from a professional. You could give her some strong advice but I don’t recommend it because it may alienate her.

  3. If your friend isn’t ready to deal tough love to her son, there is nothing you can do to make her. Just be by her side and support her when she needs it.

  4. Tell him he has to go to counseling with you or he has to move out. This woman needs to learn to preserve the good in her family and in herself and not let anyone try to ruin it like this son is doing. Sometimes we have to exercise tough love. She is allowing herself to be a doormat.

  5. My word what a terrible situation. I feel for this woman, not the son seems he has her right where he wants her. They need a counselor to ween them apart.

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