Hurt and Angry Mom

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“Has anyone ever dealt with discovering their adult, married daughter (aged 33) was having an affair?

They’ve been married nearly 15 years and have two children.

How did you deal with it?”

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29 thoughts on “Hurt and Angry Mom”

  1. Did that and suffered the consequences…painful for all. Did find happiness again and have livid trying to deserve it. Hard to see the big picture until much later in life. Give her support and unconditional love or she may turn away. We have one life to live and hopefully have been given the tools to do it right. Sometimes bad mistakes are made but can be used to learn hard lessons. Wishing happiness after the war.

  2. Hard for me to get my brain around-“Say Nothing.” Agree with post of seeing a train coming down the rails and daughter and grandchildren on the tracks. To not yell “Watch Out!” Sounds almost criminal. That’s not judging. I would hope they would warn me of impending disaster if they saw it.
    Agree to support daughter and her family- always. From personal experience, divorce can be very traumatic for all- especially children.
    Lastly, heard once, “You are punished By your sins, not For your sins.”

  3. I’m not sure where all these comments really come from: do not judge. Absolutely I would judge, especially someone in my family committing such a destructive act.

    These people on this forum who say do not judge, do not condemn, would you say the same if her daughter stole a car? That if she got caught she should not be condemned (prosecuted?).

    Theft hurts a lot less than what’s she is doing.

    However, you have no authority really anymore over your daughter. You can tell her how you feel but that’s about it. I hope she wakes up before it’s too late. Affairs tear the seams of a child’s heart.

  4. she is going to hurt a lot of people–even her own children–be an adult–face whatever you need to and get a divorce. Cheating is never the answer.

  5. Love her and her kids and your son in law – doesn’t mean u condone her actions. Continue to pray for her. She will reap the consequences of her actions and have to live with them also. Just be there for her in amongst the coming storms.

  6. Your daughter is an adult and makes her own choices which are none of your business. Your job as a mom is to listen if she needs you to listen and support your grandchildren with out choosing sides.

    1. I think so far, the best answer read!
      You could advise her, if you’re aware of it because you don’t know their private situation, otherwise, “you don’t know, don’t see. If she ever comes to you for advice or help, that’s a “call for help.” You do what you can, for them all, otherwise it is their life.
      As a parent/mother, it is not easy, when you cannot intervene. Pray for the family, for “common sense.”

  7. How and why You are “hurt” by this defies logic. Keep Your opinions to yourself. If you love your daughter you’ll be there to support Her through this difficult time for HER, and you will try to do so without judgment or condemnation.

    1. Well, let me help you out: she does not just love her daughter, she loves her grandchildren and her son-in-law. Affairs are acts of selfishness and they disrupt and destroy families, which hurts children and adults.

      I would hope I had brought up my children well enough that they would not make such poor choices. When they do, it’s hurts.

      Hope this helps.

  8. Of course, you must say something! You have an interest in this because she’s your daughter and is behaving abominably and in a way that is not in her best interest nor her children’s. You must speak up and let her know that you have deep concern about what may happen to her and the children. If she is unhappy in her marriage, there are more honorable and constructive ways to deal with it. No excuse for cheating!!!

    1. She needs your love let her know you don’t agree with her choice but your there for her & you love her no matter her choices. My opinion.

  9. I think I would stay out of it. My son told me his wife had an affair. I said nothing. He wanted to know my thoughts. I told him it was for the two of them to decide what would happen with their marriage and that even if I was a professional counselor, I’d have to recuse myself. Say some prayers for them and make sure your grandkids are happy. If you can, offer to take the children for some R&R at Gramma’s house once in awhile.

  10. I agree stay out of it ,she is an adult with her own mind and mistakes or not to be made . You only concerns should be for the happiness and care for your grandchildren ,be there for her and for them !!!don’t judge ,if she wants to talk to you she will ,it’s called unconditional love

  11. Keep your opinions to yourself and mind your own business. YOU do not know what is happening behind closed doors in her home. If she asks you can answer her questions, suggest counselling but YOU DO NOT GET TO JUDGE HER. This is her life, her mistakes, her consequences….she is an adult, treat her like one. You don’t have to approve, but you don’t get to butt in.

  12. This is a really tricky one. She will know what she is risking (hopefully). She could lose her children and her home and the respect of family and friends. Does she know you know? She may come to you for advice? There may be things going on in the marriage that you are not aware of. I’d be staying out of it but if asked would get her to think about what she could lose but let her know you love her and not judging.

  13. I would let her know how wrong I think her actions are.
    Though tempted I would not tell her husband but would urge her to end the affair immediately.
    I have very strong views about cheating, it’s an absolutely not for me.
    I would want her to put herself in the other wife’s position and see how hurt she would be in the same place.

    1. My daughter did the same thing with a married man. I was pulled into it and found it hard to accept. I always and still do believe in getting a divorce before before committing adultery but that’s old fadhioned. They both got divorced and now I’m not invited over for cookout, grandkids birthdays, etc. A word of advice is leave it alone and pray for the best. The only one to get hurt will be you.

  14. Keep your thoughts to yourself and your tongue still….unless your daughter asks you for your opinion. This is her life to live…not yours. Our children get to live their life in their own way…just as we do. Be there for her, but don’t interfere, and do not judge. Just my opinion.

  15. Stand your ground on your standards and pray for her. If you get in the middle too far, you will only embolden her and give her more excuses to run the other way.

    1. I agree, be silent unless asked. Do not judge it is not possible to know what goes on behind closed doors and she will need your support one way or another. Pray for her that God takes the wheel to work his will in her life. We don’t always know what that may be.

    2. Been there done this….disaster…be there for daughter and children…keep opinion to yourself as she will do what she wants….it’s taken years to mend due to my stating my feelings and never quite the same again.. You end up resolving your own feelings on your own…sadly the disappointment, heartache dosent effect what she is doing…you find just how individual you and yours are as grown children!

  16. Mind your own business —— obviously, she’s looking for something she isn’t getting at home. Whatever, she knows what she’s doing, and knows the risks she’s taking, and she’s made her peace with that. Stay out of it.

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