I Feel Like I’ve Lost Her

“I have two “entitled” children that grew up with a single mom, and never wanted for anything. Private schools, college educations without student loan debt. I have had respect issues with both, but first I would like help with my daughter…

Daughter is 32, successful, PhD, a great job. She dated a guy in college whom grew up in a rural area, and my daughter grew up upper middle class. He never graduated college, and has an abundance of student loans.

When I got divorced, I kept my ex’s engagement ring, as I wanted to pass it down to my daughter. Sure enough they were engaged in 2017, and were married in 2019. Her now husband had a conversation with me, and informed me that he wanted to add diamonds on each side of the one carat ring. He asked me if I could have my jeweler in town add the diamonds to the ring. I consulted with my jeweler, and he gave me a figure, I contacted her husband to inform him of the expense. He agreed. I dropped off the ring, I picked up the ring, I paid for the ring, with intentions of her husband paying me back the monies.

When I gave him the ring, he asked me if he could pay me for half now, and then give me the other half in six months. I agreed, and to date, he has never paid me the additional monies. Do to his, in my opinion unethical behavior, it has caused a barrier between him and I.

This Thanksgiving we (current husband and myself) went to visit my daughter, and he spoke about purchasing a new truck. I kept my mouth shut and didn’t say anything, but a few days later after this weighing heavy on my mind that he couldn’t even pay me a debt, how could he afford a $40,000 truck making $20 hourly?

Well, unfortunately there was a blowup, and my husband and I left and drove 1200 miles back home. I have not spoken to her for three months. She was rude, she stuck up for her husband naturally, and at 60 years old, I feel that I am not a big part of her life anymore, his family is. She was my world, and now I feel like I have lost her, because of him. How do I handle this situation? I am not ready to reach out.” -Anonymous

1 comment
  1. There is no doubt in my mind that your son-in-law and daughter owe you the money that you paid for the upgrade of the ring. However, I have a very wise friend from grade school that raised three children and she has told me that whenever I give something to my stepchildren, do not expect to get anything back. If I want something back, don’t give it. For some reason, children seem to think that their parents “owe” them something until you draw your last breath. You raised your daughter and she will come around in time but I would never do anything or give them anything substantial again if you expect anything back.

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