Anonymous writes, “I have two grandsons. We live in a multi-generational home with the oldest grandson who is special needs, partially blind, learning disabled, autistic and is seven years old…
My other grandchild is a six year old boy who lives in another state and comes to see us once or twice a year. They are both only children.
Our special needs grandson has a very stable home with his mother, Grandma (me) and Grandpa. He is an extremely sweet child that rarely gives us trouble unless he is feeling poorly or tired. Our younger grandson, until recently, has not had a stable environment. No abuse, just not too stable although he lives with his mother and father.
Here is the problem: the younger grandson is insanely jealous of the older grandson, to the point he competes with him in everything, calls him stupid, tries to take everything from him, hides his cousin’s toys from him, etc. He is a sassy young man and smarts-off to his mother and Grandpa. He tries to smart off to me, but that does not fly.
He argues about everything and will expend huge amounts of energy trying to find a way to get around anything you tell him to do. Just one example: He loves to play in the yard. Great!! We have a huge yard with a tent, hammock, swings, etc. The only rule was to not leave the yard without an adult nor go into the road. What does he do? Walks right to the very edge of the driveway, puts his toe into the road, and looks back to see if anyone sees what he is doing (I know, attention anyway he can get it, even if it is negative).
I try to give him lots of positive attention as it seems he needs it so badly. If you are watching the news he will come and stand directly in front of your line of vision so that you have no choice but to look at him. AHHHHHH!
His mother has dreams of him coming and staying in our home for a summer so that he and his younger cousin can be best buddy cousins. It puts me in a cold sweat. Yes, I have tried to gently talk to his parents, but they always make an excuse for him. I do not know what to do at this point. I want to enjoy him, but it is so hard. HELP!!”