Insecure about Financial Future

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“Been married to my second husband for almost eight years, together for approximately 10 1/2.

I’m 50 now, and after much conversation we decided to try to have a child together after getting married. We also discussed me quitting work, had been a pharmacy technician for more than two decades.

With a month left in my pregnancy I went on maternity leave and have been a stay-at-home-mom ever since. We have eight and six year old children together now. My dilemma is this… Husband refuses to make any investments in OUR names. It’s always him contributing to his current investments and I actually just stupidly agreed to him opening up two more accounts in his name only. I’m so tired of arguing over this.

I don’t know how to express to him exactly how this makes me feel. He kinda keeps eluding to “It’s my problem“ and straight up tells me that we’d figure it out in court if it ever came to that. I’d like to think that he’s not out to screw me but boy that seems naive.

Having been out of work now for close to 10 yrs, and being 50, I can easily say I’m nervous about earning a living if it came to starting over again.

Whew. Think that’s about it. I feel like I’ve sacrificed so much, including $60,000 of my own retirement to get us into a better town to raise our kids in. I’m just getting more and more deflated. Thank you in advance for any advice I can possibly use.” – Sue

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16 thoughts on “Insecure about Financial Future”

  1. I am 62. I haven’t worked in ten years because I have stayed home to raise a grandchild. I wish I was able to go back to work, even part time. I have contributed enough to qualify for SSI but would like to be able to squirrel away more. My husband and I share everything because we have been married 42 years, so I am not insecure about that. It sounds as if you should go back to work, and put your money into retirement and not depend on him. He should understand that need.

  2. Get an attorney. Show her the documents. Ask questions. Find out your options!!! Do not sit and stew in anger. Take Action. What are the laws in your state?

    If you have to drive to a town 25 -50 miles away so hubby doesn’t know you went to any attorney, do so.

    1. I couldn’t agree more! Don’t wait. If he said you could work it out in court that is a HUGE Yellow Flag. I don’t believe his intentions are good.

      1. If he is putting the money in retirement accounts the law protects wives from being left with nothing. He is not allowed to leave anyone else as the beneficiary unless you sign that right over. Hopefully you haven’t done that. Also the same goes if you get a divorce. Retirement is usually split with the spouse. Of course like someone else said you could see an attorney just to make sure.

  3. My life lesson: Do not put your security or future happiness in Anyone Else’s basket. Anything can happen, not necessarily that it will, but it can. Illness, Accident, Separation and Divorce, Adult Children’s needs.
    Be accountable for yourself. Open up your own accounts. Get any kind of income- part time, full time, and put all the money in your accounts. Your husband may choose to handle His money. Right now, I don’t see you have any. I hope the home is in both your names.
    Scary territory right now but you can instruct yourself, take care of yourself, and continue to strive for a happy marriage with mature eyes wide open.

  4. I am honestly scared to death about the same thing. My hubby and I have been married 15 years We both have children from previous marriages. He had a Will drawn up five years ago and wouldn’t let me see it. I managed to read it anyway. In it, he gives everything to his children and I end up not even owning the entirety of our home. I’ve been angry for five years. I’m considering my options now and plan on confronting him with them. He either makes it worth it for me to stay, or I go now

  5. Go back to work NOW! Been there done this it won’t get better and should the marriage end there won’t be enough to support 2 households. Even if it’s part time, go back to work NOW.

  6. Wow, almost like my situation. Second marriage, no kids, sold my home to build dream home in mtns. He had short sale on his home. I worry if something happens to him I would have to sell, cant live here on my income only. I dont get his retirement or ss, my ss is higher, I have IRA and my retirement. He has health problems, my worrying is going to give me health problems. I think I finally have given it to my higher power.
    Try praying, I know that it’s hard with little ones. Maybe a job when they both are in school.
    You have a good profession.
    Prayers for strength.

    1. Agree, but he doesn’t sound like the type who would willingly agree to counseling. Try getting a part time job while kids are in school and squirrel that money away or invest it in your name only. I wish you the best.

  7. You need to protect yourself. See a lawyer and ask what your rights are. It seems strange that he would want things in his name only.

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