Intimacy

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“I need some advice. I just ended a long-term relationship.

My boyfriend began having issues with intimacy about three years ago. The last two years we’d only been intimate one time. I remained faithful even though he said, “if it were me I probably wouldn’t want me in his life.”

We are both 57, and I feel as though I’ve totally lost my sexuality at this point. I know I’m not ready to give up this part of my life. Anybody else work through something like this?” -Anonymous

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13 thoughts on “Intimacy”

  1. Agree being sexually active enriches your life. Don’t think it can compete with a deep emotional, loving relationship. At different points in your life, is more important than other times. Make sure their are not physically cal or emotional causes for lack of interest.

  2. I read the above comments and – while I do not think sex is overrated – I can only say that for me there was a time with a very active and imaginative sex life until other life issues started impacting on our ease with intimacy. If I am not fully well in my mind my capacity to enjoy sex drops instantly. In fact at that same time I decided that I was not going to share a bedroom any longer either. Maybe he could separate things and live intimacy in parallel to certain problems that separated us, but I wasn’t. I honestly cannot dissociate my body from my mind. Maybe you should explore whether this is the case.

  3. Happened to me at the age of 80. We were intimate almost always 3 times weekly. Things happened that interrupted our routine for a couple of months and he couldn’t get it back. I still love him as deeply as before. I bought a vibrator and he helped me use it. Now, at the age of 85, I’m done, and we’re both as in love as we ever were. I think being friends first may have played a role in our forever after.

  4. The more years this goes on the more you regret not having intimacy. The longer you stay the harder it is to leave. Believe me, I have put up with this for 30 years and what a fool am I. I like my relationship very much but have regrets.

    1. I was alone for a few years when my first marriage broke up. I realised that my body image wrote was wrong. I realised that intimacy of which is sex is only a small part of, is vital to our well being. Remember that the person you choose to be intimate with next will be as nervous as you and that you will have already shared a lot before you made the decision. Good luck.you will be fine.

  5. Since your not married, I guess that would make it easier to walk away from. In my opinion, sex isn’t everything, but friendship and companionship should be the most important thing in a relationship. Try to help him to get help with his problem.

  6. Any man who is so selfish and insensitive not to understand what important part intimacy plays in a happy relationship is not worth keeping around. Let him pick up his own dirty socks. You are losing time. Still young enough to find a sweet guy who would love to be close. It could be his hormones have taken a nose dive….that happens for men as well as women around then so if he is at all a loving man he will get that checked. He can get injections for that and they will make him reaaaally horny. LOL

    1. This happened to us. For me anger and rejection.For him, they finally diagnosed him, bladder and prostate cancer. 5 years after symptoms began. Know for sure what you are angry or upset with.

  7. I wish I had advice for you. I don’t, only understanding. We are about the same age, same circumstance only there is a marriage. I had a vibrant sex life before and it’s very important to me. Although I love my husband, he is not interested and if it happens it’s boring. He refuses to change, I give up. I don’t know what to do but I can tell you this. If that man was not interested and saying you should not be in his life then move on. I sometimes wonder what my future hold but I’m sad and frustrated. You are not alone.

    1. Men are such proud creatures. When they equipment starts failing, they withdrawn. Ego. They forget you’re still there, and still need and want the pleasures you both once enjoyed. I think if you had feelings for him, you’d help him. Maybe it’s time to move on. Maybe a younger man!

    2. You are not alone, it’s been 2 years and mine is not interested anymore, but I am. Sad, angry, frustrated and aching for physical contact. We’re older too, but my interest at 66 is still very much alive.

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