Losing My Self Worth

This post is also available in: Italiano (Italian) “When did I lose my worth? I mean my actual…

This post is also available in: Italiano (Italian)

“When did I lose my worth? I mean my actual worth and myself worth…

I have realised that I have a loveless marriage, all I’m good for is cooking and cleaning.

We rarely converse on anything other than how we have no money. We NEVER go away, even on day trips as the husband doesn’t like going out.

I have children who all seem to need parenting despite being adults themselves.

I’ve dedicated myself for 20 years to my job but seem to get less and less hours each year in favour of younger inexperienced newcomers.

I’ve had cancer twice in the last three years, endured multiple operations and chemotherapy. I don’t have the energy that I used to have but hubby still thinks I should be working full time.

I’m trying to think long and hard about a new job, but where I live is small and not much to offer. As each day passes I wonder if this is what life is about… Is this all that there is to look forward to?

I have no idea how much life I have left and I fear that I have left everything too late. I’ve always worked hard and thought to myself that one day (when I’m retired) I will travel and have nice things and be able to help my children financially.

Life is so uncertain and it all just seems too hard right now. I wake every morning and give thanks for the things that I DO have as I know there are many people who have much less.

I volunteer my time at a shelter and I foster animals to try to give back to my community… I’m so lost I don’t know how to find my happiness or my worth anymore…” – Anonymous


  1. You sound so depressed I urge you to see a counselor. None of us know how much time we have on Earth. Whatever time we have should be spent enjoying life. Change is difficult no matter your age. It seems you want to make changes in your life. Be certain you have the skills to cope. You deserve to be happy! The first step is the toughest. Good luck!

  2. I relate to this article. I lost my husband, mother & father within one month 12 years ago & haven’t really gotten myself back since then. The were my fans, my support, my loves. I don’t feel that I have enough of myself back to give to my children & grands….I am alone & starving for love. Self worth is at a very low ebb.
    I am going through the motions, but feel rather empty….without enough to sustain me, I have run out of fuel. I know I need some counseling, but cannot afford it. I thought selling my art & knit hats would supplement my social security, but that has not happened. Some days I feel grateful for what I have, but there is a deep feeling that I am just not enough. I, too, thought at this stage of the game I would be able to travel & do fun things & help my children. This was not to be. Trying to move on, but I am feeling shame for my shortcomings.

    1. I can so relate to this. Many days I feel this way and see no light at the end of the tunnel.

    2. I had a similar series of loss in a short period of time and had a major breakdown. It took three years to bring me back and the stepping stone was carefully going back to work. Little by little I was able to handle it and get well. Never the same but could experience joy again. Seek counseling. Blessings to you.


  4. It is never too late to find yourself! I was in a similar situation, and it wasn’t until I divorced that I could find my SELF that had even buried under years of meeting everyone else’s expectations. Situational depression is different than chemical depression; get to a doctor to be evaluated. Once that’s solved take the next steps to find your joy! Good luck!

  5. I have been struggling with the same feelings along with the estrangement with my only child, my adult son. My son and I were very close, or so I thought. I have been living on my own for 2 years now after leaving my husband of 38 years. I don’t know if I did the right thing by leaving! I have also lost a lot of “friends” along the way. I use the term, friends, loosely because I question now if they were my friends. I don’t feel like I have anything to look forward to. I am getting counseling and have been all along and am semi-retired. I am truly trying to find where I belong~

  6. You know those hours you are free because your job cut you back? Get counseling in them. This isn’t something You are going to snap your fingers and make better. There’s a tremendous amount of grief and sadness, anger and rage that you will need to move through to come out the other side, a professional counselor will help…and there are even online options for help. Help You Help You! Take the first step.

  7. At this age when i feel exhausted with very low energy and almost the same type of marriage; i am learning self care. In your situation i would prefer to take rest and care for my personal needs and well being than volunteering.

  8. A loveless marriage is a death sentence for your soul and the light that is in you. Marriage counseling as well as personal counseling can help you see the right path for you to take. This is our time now so reach out and grab it. Wishing you hope and love of self and life.

  9. Agree with Christine counselling is a good idea but if not have you a non-judgemental friend who you can talk to? You must make some changes somehow.

  10. I have been on all sides of that coin hun. I have heard that having kids can be like getting pecked to death by chickens, although we love them it is kind of true. Two out of my four kids are very self reliant and never appear to need help, only a shoulder now and then. There is not enough money or energy to care for the other two. I am currently watching my 3 year old great grandson after I work all day for his mom to work. I get up at 3:30am for work and if lucky my day ends at 10pm. I am tired and just want someone to ask if I need a break or maybe do something for me for a change. My husband has had several medical issues and can only help so much. I started going to therapy this past year and it really helps. My Medicare and supplement pay for it. I am learning to set boundaries and say no for my own preservation. If your husband does not want to go places try to do things without him. You can find a friend or just go alone. Get out and do something besides work, you are worth it. Hugs.

  11. Go single! It’s much easier. After a dead end marriage of 35 yrs I will not give up! The only one who cares for you is you! Take care of yourself. Pamper yourself. Start a new life! I’m 66 and refuse to live the rest of my golden years unhappy. Make your own happiness! It’s all about you! ❤️❤️❤️

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