Miss my Daughter

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I lost my darling mother to cancer two years ago. She died in my arms and I thank God for that every day.

We never sold mom’s home after she passed away, and I spent a lot of time there looking after the garden, etc. My daughter lives not far away from mom’s home and because I did not visit her on dark winter evenings (I can’t drive in the dark) she hasn’t spoken to me in nearly a year now.

When I have tried to talk to her she says that she thinks our relationship is broken but she won’t tell me why. I love her so much.

I miss my mom and my daughter so much. I have nobody to talk to and I don’t know what to do.

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26 thoughts on “Miss my Daughter”

  1. Similar situation. My son and his wife bought a new home and asked us to move into their old one and rent it from them. It’s cheaper than what your paying and you will be only 5 min away from us so we can come visit more they said. They don’t come visit. They say they are too busy. Here we are now two years in a new town and they have not once come over to visit unless we call and tell them we need something and then one of them will come. They have all types of excuses. I just don’t let it get me down. I remind myself I am the only one responsible my happiness

  2. My youngest son did that to me when he was with his first wife. When he left her he promised he would never do that again. He is now married a second time, and is doing it again, no explanation. He will speak if I call him, but he never reaches out. I’m sorry as I can be that this happened with your daughter, but I will never again expect him to change. So I will continue to reach out, and when I’m gone hi he will to do the same, but at least he will know I tried.

  3. I haven’t heard from my daughter in over four years. She was always the sweetest child, quiet, and gentle. I thought we were very close to each other, and I felt so lucky. We never fought, not even once. After she grew up and moved away, we always spoke by phone several times a week, sometimes for an hour or so at a time. I was so proud of her, and proud that we were able to give her a good home, with stable, loving parents. We tried to hard to provide everything we could to her so that she could have a good life with a good foundation. She was so thoughtful, always gave her father & I the sweetest gifts for birthdays and Christmas. Then, in her early 30’s, she suddenly unleashed how she had been feeling for most of her life. It turns out, she was the type of person that collected grievances, internalized everything that ever happened to her, and we were to blame for…you name it. We were shocked and heartbroken, we had no idea that she felt that way. She never said anything remotely like this in all those years. (If only she had). So, she had her say, we both apologized for whatever we may have done wrong, for not realizing how she felt, for anything/everything. We said we would always be there for her, to please take her time, but we would always love her, and would do anything to work on our relationship, just give us a chance. But, that was it. She was done with us. We went from having what we thought was an almost perfect daughter/only child that we loved dearly to realizing that she was actually a stranger that we had no idea who she was. I pray for her every day, and pray for us to continue to be able to carve out our own life without her. I am so sorry that there are others in my situation. The shame, feelings of abandonment, loneliness, and the fact that no one understands what you are going through is sometimes unbearable. It is also a grief that never ends, with no hope of closure.

    1. I pray for you to find peace in this situation. You have probably done nothing wrong. Your daughter’s perception might very well be wrong. You gave all you could. Some day, she might turn around and call or appear at your door. Many have the same situation. Pray for strength and peace. You are not alone.

  4. I felt the heartbreak in your explanation. You can not keep apologizing for something you medically have no control over. We are not psychic. We don’t know what is in our Daughter’s minds, if they do not speak the truth. Many times things go unsaid and they seem to develop a life of their own. Please accept the situation. You have said you are sorry. Do not allow this to dominate your life. I think of all the time and effort we put into our children teaching them socially acceptable behavior: If you hurt someone’s feelings, you apologize. They accept it and you both move on, learning from this episode.
    None of us are perfect. We know that. We try our best. That’s all we can do. Continue to remember her birthdays, special occasions, send a post, a card, whatever you are comfortable with. Develop your own network of friends. Make every day count. Sending you blessings of relief to know that you are important. Your life matters too.

  5. As someone who cannot see to drive in the dark, I don’t think many people can understand how horrible it is. I alway try to leave wherever I am before dark gets close. I have had to leave my daughter and her family’s home one day and it made me so sad. My daughter has been in the car with me and knows how I just cannot see. I had cataract surgery because someone said it would help…it didn’t. The heartache of not being able to drive after dark is enough … then your daughter should understand and be glad you don’t want to risk your life as well as others by driving when you cannot see.

  6. Apologize for anything you did that hurt her.. even if you don’t know what it is. Keep showing your love for her anyway you can. Forgiveness has to come from her, a change in her heart. Focus on the love you feel for her and ask God to bring you back together. He hears and answers.

  7. I know exactly how you feel’ My daughter hasnt spoke to me in 10 yrs. I have tried so many times and still no luck. She has kept my grandchildren away also. It is ok for people to say try to do this or that until they walk a mile in my shoes every day it doesnt get any easier

    1. It’s been that long for me also. Two daughters and three grandchildren, and I don’t know why. My heart goes out to you❣🙏

    2. It’s going on two years since my daughter has been estranged from her father and me. We have tried everything – apologizing (but we’re not certain exactly what for), therapy for reconciliation (backfired), and so many other things others have suggested. My husband has a terminal illness, and no one knows how quickly this will progress. What we’d like is to see their two darling children (ages 10 & 15), but the younger one has been poisoned against us, I’m afraid. Our hearts are broken, but she is so heartless. We are in our 70s and at a loss of what to do so we just carry on, taking one day at a time and praying for a miracle.

  8. My Dad died a year ago in Aug. I think what we forget that that was her grandmother so maybe shes struggling with the pain too, but in a different way but its still pain. Invite her to your mothers house when you go, so she can heal too. I say this because when I was going through my sadness she was going through hers and I didn’t relize

    1. Peace in His presence💙. Let His Peace give you love . From His love, let courage build up to reach out to your daughter💙. Pray for strength to hear her broken heart💙. Pray for strength for your broken heart💙. Pray for a new relationship to grow forward to bring renewed pathways to give and receive the love you have💙. It takes courage and forgiveness.

      1. Ignore the words and start out with cards, uplifting short letter. My own relationship with my daughter is damaged. Maybe because we want the relationship we had with our mothers but the young generation cannot give that. I have no great words of wisdom

  9. We are all so human, flawed. We make mistakes. We hurt each other, sometimes unintentionally. Err on the side of forgiveness and generosity of heart. Be the one that was wrong; gain the relationship, in whatever state or is in. Cry alone later.

    1. Cynthia … so wise. Much better to be humble, accept the blame, and have a relationship, than to hang on to pride and have no relationship.

      1. I feel your pain. Pray and stay busy to keep your mind off it.
        I am thankful for the good times my daughter and I had and pray she will come around. Best of luck to you.

  10. I’m so sorry.Your heart must hurt terribly. I pray that soon she opens up and accepts you back into life,after all you gave her life. God bless and comfort you.🙏🏻

  11. I have a daughter that won’t forgive my past mistakes and hasn’t spoken to me for quite a few years. It’s hard not getting to know her and her children. Her children are now having children. I pray that one day she will forgive me. I pray for them all.

  12. So sorry , I can’t imagine not speaking to my daughters. Could you maybe write her a letter explaining you were and still are grieving for your mum. Even if your not in the wrong, say you are sorry you have upset her and if it’s because you didn’t visit her when at your mum’s house say something like ” with hindsight maybe you could have done differently such as calling in to see her on the way to your mum’s” . What I can’t understand is, if she lives quite close to your mum’s house why didn’t she call over while you were there, it works both ways. I do hope you both somehow work your differences out and become friends again xx

  13. There will come a day when she will be heartbroken and missing you, the same as you feel for your Mom now. Give her the opportunity to be with you now. Tomorrow is always filled with regrets. Visit with her more often instead of Mom’s house. The memories you seek there are the very ones she will need to grieve her loss of you. Make that happen now💜

  14. I didn’t speak to my mother for some years after my father died, I felt she had not been nice to him.

    When my daughter had her first baby I felt I wanted her to see him and from then on we were OK. I spent a lot of time with her in the years before she died and I truly made up for it. Things change all the time.

  15. I know your pain. As I grieve for my long-dead mother with so many things left unsaid my daughter is only available to me by text. I hope it helps a little to know you are not alone.

  16. Oh, this breaks my heart❣️ I hope that your daughter will put down the barrier and open her arms & heart. Will she consider counseling? I pray that you get this resolved. I’ve known this pain, I thought I would die💔💔

  17. Wow, I am so sorry. That doesn’t even make sense. Mine didn’t speak to me for almost 3 months except for a rare text after her baby was born, turns out I think, her husband was upset with me for something I won’t go into right now. Some things I won’t put into writing even though I know the reason, they would probably argue against it and say it wasn’t. But anyway that time almost killed me emotionally. I was heartbroken. All I could do was not push but let her know I was here. I was sorry for anything that happened and wait. I guess you could write her a letter explaining how you feel, just be careful what you write, once something is in writing, you can’t take it back and it can be used against you. Continue to send cards, be nice and wait as well as lots of prayers. My relationship is much better again, not completely where I’d like but better. People see the same situations differently. Good luck. I feel your pain.

    1. I could have written your note. My daughter married into a codependent family and ever since, she gets upset with me over the slightest thing, but they do the same to me and I am the one raked over the goals. Ihave become the scapegoat. I pray all the time to keep the peace so I can maintain my relationship with my 2 grandchildren.

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