Narcissistic Child

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“I would like to know how parents live with a narcissistic child.

The one child who is so smart yet rude, belittling to everyone (siblings, wife, parents, visitors), the one that will say anything to make others look or feel stupid. The one who also doesn’t cope in social situations and will isolate the ones he loves.

Usually being rude to finalize a social situation or turn against friends just because he doesn’t agree with the way they have chosen to do something and then says they ‘dropped’ him.

He seemed to get worse once he got home from time in the service.

He was always bad in social settings but now home life is almost unbearable. He can be so lovely and help anyone.

How have you been able to live with a narcissistic child?” -Anonymous

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16 thoughts on “Narcissistic Child”

  1. Maybe anti social IDK, doesnt sound Narcissistic to me.
    Cant do much anyway, he needs to believe he needs and would benefit from help.
    Worked in Psyche. Really dont want to diagnose as only a Psychiatrist is trained for that.

  2. I am being tortured by one now. I can’t even begin to explain how cruel he is to me and his siblings. I am scared of him most times. I love him. But just don’t k own how to help him. When I do help him it just makes things worse.

  3. None of us truly realize the horrors of war, unless we have been there. As a military Mom, I would suggest his issues have more to do with his inability to adjust back to civilian life. Our young men and women in the military in country are at the pinnacle of their training and on high intensity. Their lives and others depend on it. I do not know where your Son served, or what he did, but I recognize some anger issues and lack of adjustment defining who he is now. Hopefully, you can heartfully have a conversation to draw him out….listening to him with no judgement. Professional help is always a plus, if he will go. Good luck and HUGS. Hopefully, this will be only temporary.

  4. If you haven’t already, I would try to reach out on a feeling level, talking about Your feelings provoked by him. I would be honest talking of hurt, helplessness, etc. It would explain in advance the boundaries you were setting and why you were setting them. I would definitely try to direct him to a Counselor/Therapist. Best of luck.

  5. I too wonder if his behaviors have to do with a mental health issue – perhaps anxiety. Military service can lead to many different mental health problems and if he is suffering he may lash out at others to “defend” himself for what he may see as a personal “attack”. He may not even realize how his behavior is affecting others. It can be difficult to have a discussion with him without making him feel even more anxious, but it could prove helpful and he may take some time to look at those behaviors and agree to therapy. I wish you so much luck with this and send healing thoughts and prayers your way.

  6. Does your son actually have a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder? There are many potential reasons or diagnoses for his behaviour. I find it interesting that you mention his behaviour has gotten worse since he returned from duty. Sounds like he might be struggling with some mental health issues. Believe it or not depression can manifest in unusual ways. Would he be open to therapy? In any case the only thing we can ever control is our own behaviour and responses to other people’s behaviour. Set good boundaries. Let him know you love him and want a relationship but make it absolutely clear which behaviours you will not accept and what will happen if they occur. For example, if you come for supper and insult everyone at the table you will be asked to leave and not invited again. If you are rude to me I will end the conversation/encounter immediately. And follow through with what you say. That is important. It might not create any changes in his behaviour but you will be respecting yourself and you can feel good about that.

  7. I’m not a psychiatrist but what you described doesn’t necessarily seem narcissistic. It sounds like he is a troubled insecure person who is probably suffering the emotional/mental effects of his time in service. You can’t ever change anyone else all You can do is get yourself some good support from a licensed therapist to deal with Your emotions around this issue, then You will know what actions to take.

  8. There are consequences in life for every action. I would not put up with rudeness regardless of from whom it has come. If they are of age you can tell them it’s the end of the road and that they have to get out and make their own way. Soon enough life will show them that you were right. No one is going to applaud them for being a bully or similar. We all have to be nice when we would rather not. It’s not complicated. Treat the other person as you would hope they would treat you.

    1. My 33 year old daughter and mother of 2. Not married. Lives with me and her step-dad and the 2 boys. All she cares about is her. No matter who it hurts. So I went to therapy for me. Since I can’t change her. I go to help me deal with her. I’m feeling much better. She is an ok parent. But the boys have me and pappy

  9. After years and years of dealing with a narcissistic step-daughter, she removed herself from our life for the 2nd time. When she wanted to resolve the situation, near Christmas just like the previous time, my husband said “let’s just leave things as they are”. It’s unfortunate, but so much more peaceful. Don’t miss the drama.

    1. So true and I speak from experience, it’s a very sad situation and no doubt it’s painful, but there’s no substitute for peace of mind and not having to walk on egg shells. I wish you well x

    2. Sounds like my situation only the step-daughter is also a sociopath and that is not a good combination. Habitual liar, always blaming others, self-centered (conceded), talks big about herself when in reality she is a user, selfish, thrives on drama, turns situations around so she is always the victim, deceiving, and dumps friends when they are on to her crap, loves her selfies! Severed the ties and life is so nice now. Miss the grandchildren though because she keeps telling us that we can not see them. Thanks for your comment. I needed to vent.

  10. Being a mother of 4 sure teaches us that personalities differ.
    There’s the highly intelligent one, the ‘I don’t give a damn’ one (but really they do its just a cover), the academic career minded easy going one & the caring, smart, fun loving one.
    They’re all tough & hard working (like parents!) & would be there for each other if anything went wrong. The normal sibling rivalry is handled okay, however the over the top almost jealousy has the potential to bring families undone:(

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