Need Strength and Love

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“GreyFeathers, I write from Italy but even I’m so far I need your help.

My husband is ill having great problems with his heart.

It happened 26 years ago when he was 45 and I was 44.
He had the breaking of his aorta and was saved with a surgery of about 17 hours. The doctors said he had no more of one year of life. That was 26 years ago. He didn’t die but we spent all these years in and out of the hospital.

The last autumn he entered the hospital the 14th of September. Every day doctors told me he wouldn’t last the night. On the 6th of December the hospital told us to take him at home to die. We didn’t bring him home but to a beautiful place where you receive only palliative treatments to keep him comfortable until his death because this was what he wanted.

But after three months without special medicine he felt better and stood up from the wheelchair and he put on weight arriving to a normal weight.

He is at home now. At the home that was of my parents with a caregiver and I’m in my home next him.

I was his caregiver for 26 years. I also had a surgery the 5th of June and I can’t to do it all alone.

The problem is that he is continually saying that he wants to die. I feel psychologically very tired because I’m afraid he can do it. I know that he has the right of choosing for his life but it’s difficult for me to accept It. Also, because I think he would live but not so well. He should accept his actual condition.

I feel destroyed, my son feels destroyed – but he has his family and his job which helps occupy him.

The good thing is that now we live in different houses so I can sleep at night. The bad thing is that I have so much anxiety for him.
Excuse me, I only needed to pour out my sorrow.
Excuse my English but when I read you all, you look to me a great beautiful family.” -Marina

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23 thoughts on “Need Strength and Love”

  1. Marina I admire your strength. You are stronger than you think. I will pray for you and your husband. Please remember that you are a brave, courageous woman. Never give up.

  2. I will pray for you. Last year I lost my best friend who suffered greatly with melanoma. She called it death by a thousand cuts which included multiple brain surgeties. When she died I was torn between relief that she suffered no more and the huge sense of loss. Selfishly feeling cheated of the many years I felt we should have had together. She really fought to live for the many people who loved her, she managed to last till her youngest was 18 and earned a place in college. Loss is so hard. Maybe your husband really is ready to go and is trying to get you ready for his loss.

  3. Marina my hope for you is that you sleep peacefully each and every night knowing you have done the best you can each day. We cannot make others happy, they must find happiness on their own, just as we must find what provides happiness for us. Each day look for what makes you happy, small moments as well as large moments–and enjoy those moments, and perhaps encourage your family to do the same.

  4. Take care of yourself dear lady! If Hospice is available there I would have them come and talk to your husband! Hospice can bring such peace to end of life care! He may be searching for “permission to go”. Truthfully if he is still eating, he’s not ready to go! Such a hard, difficult time. Bless you for being you! 🙋🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

  5. Sending love to you across the world. Take care of yourself first. Visit and love him, but also fulfill your life. You deserve to be happy too. Meet friends for lunch, have positive people around you.
    Sunset, South Carolina USA

  6. Hi Marina, I too took care of a very ill husband, but not nearly as long as you! At 52 he was diagnosed with type two diabetes. By age 68 he needed insulin . He was not the best at following a diet but after being put on insulin, he gained a lot of weight. He felt hungry all the time. I won’t go into all the details – it’s too long. But he developed multiple myeloma and that’s what finally took his life at 77. He was 10 years older than me. The last year or so of his life, he couldn’t do much for himself except eat of course! Eventually he told me he didn’t want to continue chemo. I know it’s hard, but give it to God. I am praying for you both. God’s grace to you dear.

  7. Dear Martina,
    I’m so glad you took the step to care for yourself. Your life has been an extreme roller coaster of emotion and exhaustion. You are a saint. Continue to take care of yourself.

    1. My late husband was diagnosed with eosaughageal cancer, refused treatment. Was given 3 months, lasted 9…i was angry at first, because he refused any treatment, but what he did in reality was set me free… He didn’t want the burden of caring, the cost of treatments, etc… He had 4 nights in hospise, and died peacefully and on his terms… If your husband wants to go, please give him permission… I know it’s hard, on you and the family.. But he obviously wants peace x

  8. Prayed for strength and understanding . May I suggest that you talk to a counselor ? Someone who can give u coping skills, and insite . Iv lost 2 husbands at an early age 10 years apart and if not for a truly wonderful counselor I’m not sure how I would of ended up 😬God bless you and your family

  9. You are a brave woman and stand by your man ,till dead as apart. May the God give you strength to persevere and be that strong woman . It is sad to see your man suffering ,but also your love will endure for ever. Be kind to your self and look after you. Burn out can be a disaster. Your love surround your husband and he feel sometimes he is a burden ,but you keep on be that carer. Surely you will received your blessings. All of the best ,in my prayers.

  10. God Bless You Marina! Continue to express your love for your Husband. You strength has helped him endure. Sending you healing wishes for the return of your health and well-being.

  11. Dear Marina, Sending Love & Prayers for you & your Family. Your dear husband has had heart problems, yet pulled through. May your faith be a source of strength. Please take care of yourself 💗🙏

  12. Dear Marina
    You are doing what is most helpful for you right now by reaching out to others. That is brave of you. Many of us have been where and what you are going through- nursing a very ill husband. You my dear have had many more years of this than most of us Undoubtedly, all that work, worry and stress has taken its toll on you. Fortunately, you are in a position now where there is some relief for you. Take it knowing that you well deserve it . You and your husband have fought the good fight so be very proud of that. Now let nature take its course – what will be will be.
    You will stay in my warm thoughts and regards as comfort. Love, Violet

  13. Be brave n face it all. You have been stoically by his side all these years n i know you can do it. Love, hugs n blessings to help you on your way…

  14. Dear Marina, sending love and prayers for you and your family. You have struggled very long and hard for your husband. Try to turn your worries over to God and I hope you and your husband find peace in your hearts.

  15. Everyone is correct, you must take care of yourself and your own needs as well. I will pray for comfort, strength and peace, for you, your dear husband, and your family.

  16. Being a caretaker is probably one of the most difficult tasks in the world. Please remember to look after you too. If you don’t, then you can’t care for anyone. You count too. Your life matters just as much. Please be kind to you so that you can be kind to him. Sometimes some counselling helps everyone understand what their physical, medical, and emotional needs are in order to survive. Check out what is available to you both…and take a deep breathe…and do what you need to to. I’m sending hugs and love to you both on the wings of a prayer. I have been in your shoes and l think l understand how you feel. 🙏❤️🤗🌿🌸🍃🙏👏

    1. Marina,
      You are such a strong woman and a wonderful wife. A lot of women would have given up. My prayers for you for peace & comfort

  17. Bless your heart. I have a husband with heart trouble. I know the how scared you have been. You need to find things that make you happy. I have made a life for myself. That gives me a peace of mind. I quilt at my church. I go out and eat with friends. I volunteer at the hospital as a pink lady. I also wash hair at a nursing home. Find things that you love. It will do you alot of good.

  18. I know it is difficult Marina. Being a caregiver for so many years is exhausting. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is rest and take care of ourselves. Try to rest, listen to music and the birds. Breathe in the sunshine and light to lessen your load hopefully. Chris

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