Needing Help

Anonymous writes, “It all started some years back when my fiance’s family rejected me saying they had issues…

Anonymous writes, “It all started some years back when my fiance’s family rejected me saying they had issues with my mom’s family… and for that reason their son couldn’t marry me and this brought serious issues. At the time I decided to walk away only to discover that I was pregnant…

I told my fiance’, and he accepted the fact that I was pregnant, but later told me to abort because his friends advised him. My sister advised me of the same, but only because our parents were deceased – but I couldn’t see myself doing such a thing because it’s against my belief. I left my sister’s house to a friend’s place who accepted me and eventually my ex-fiance’ decided to send me money to rent an apartment. After delivering my set of twins, a boy and a girl, everything changed and he hated me with passion.

I have been the only one fighting to take care of the children who will soon be four years old. I haven’t paid their school fees since before the lock down, and their father is somewhere enjoying himself with different women.

We beg to eat because I can’t work as there is nobody to take care of my children while I go to work. I have tried doing business with 20k a friend gave to me but the business collapsed. I am tired of begging before I feed my kids… My siblings have tried assisting in the little ways they can because none of us buoyant yet… I need advice on how I can help myself without affecting my kids. Secondly help / prayer for God to find a house and a job for me.”


“Good day to you all. I appreciate all for your contributions and I also appreciate those that mocked me… First of all, for those who asked me to state my location so that they could know how to advise me… I am a Nigerian. Here things are not done like the rest of the world because of bad government… I have tried many ways to get help from the government and the twins’ father, but nothing has worked. I don’t have other options other than to come here believing that my fellow women might help me.”

  1. There is help for you, not sure where you live, but the government will pay for day care. There are food stamps. I believe this is our for people while their down not a lifestyle. Ask for help and hold your head up, while you work or go to school. You can do it! Thousands of women have.

    1. The comment above, thousands of woman have done it. What an unhelpful useless comment. Society needs to hold these men to account. It is bewildering why a woman would want to be involved with any man that has a trail of destruction behind them. Laws need to change where they are imprisoned for this behaviour of abandoning their children, so that society start to understand the gravity of their behaviour. Absolutely tired of women not supporting women. If we did that men wouldn’t do what they do.

  2. Are you in the US? If so, some states have child support laws which would require him to pay.
    Good luck! Don’t give up!
    Your kids are watching and learning from you.

    1. ‘ALL’ states have child support laws. She should just take him to court. But this letter doesn’t read like she’s in the States.

      1. I Raised my children without support. At one time I worked three and one time two, jobs to do so. It is very hard but you can do it. I didn’t have support from family either. My advise to you is to get your children and you into a good Church. They have access to more help then you do. Take this kindly…you can do it.

      2. I don’t think she is in the US. It sounds like some country where families have a great deal of influence over their children’s personal lives.

  3. I cared for my two young children all their lives by myself! They are now 31 and 29! There is always a way! There are groups that will help you and food pantries as well! I hear a lot of excuses for not succeeding and all I can say is move on and be positive! If you work then there Are day care programs available! Not trying to be harsh but stop the excuses and do what you need to raise your babies

  4. I’ve been a single mother twice. Once for many years with no child support. However, in the US you can get state help and they will insist on a paternity test and he will have to pay. Find a way to get to school and get a better job. There are day care available. Stay strong !!

  5. I don’t believe you are in the USA. I believe if you are having such a hard time finding a babysitter, so are other single mothers. Is it possible for you to provide that service to other single mothers and make enough to support your children?

  6. Do you have a car? There are lots of delivery companies you can join and work for, like Door-Dash, Uber Eats, etc etc. Fight for child support!! IN ANY COUNTRY there are laws on this and Children Protective Services offices and organizations that will help you with legal procedures FOR FREE!! It is your duty fighting for your children’s rights!

  7. There are numerous groups in states and countries that offer support. Maybe attend a church you can connect with that offers support. Pray about it, God will lead you faithful servant and mother

  8. It doesn’t matter she is she needs prayers and help.
    Good Luck and God Bless!
    God will see you thru.

  9. If she lives in the states, there is help available. The Dept. of Family & Children’s Services would be a good place to start. She will have to be honest about everything pertaining to her situation to get help with housing, food, health care, childcare while she works/goes to school and how to start the process for child support. If she doesn’t live in the states, she needs to check every resource possible rather than trying to depend on family, Seems if she was able to contact you she has the wherewithal to contact agencies. She needs to settle it in her soul that she is going to make it happen. Women do it every day.

  10. I have mixed thoughts. I feel with 4 years olds.. there’s gotta be a way to get a job-like people said maybe band together and watch other kids and get paid then get a job and find someone or work around each others schedules. but where my problem comes into play is women and men fooling around and never broaching the what if a pregnancy occurs scenario. A woman has a right to her body and has the ultimate decision, but can affect someone for the rest of theirs who doesn’t want a child (or with that person). So people should be more choosy of whom they interact with and the quality of the person and careful when they embark on a sexual relationship. I am conflicted on this.. whether the man should be held accountable if he doesn’t want the relationship when the woman decided to continue a pregnancy. and no i am not pro abortion. in the end no one wins sadly and the adults have done a disservice to the children brought into the world – providing for them, loving them (when one doesnt’ want them) etc.

    1. I understand your thoughts, but discussing this right now is like shutting the barn door after the horses ran off. Its a moot discussion and does nothing to advise or help the OP.

  11. I raised 5 kids on my own. Get daycare help. Go to a trade school. Then get a good job and take care of those babies! You can do it! Women are the strong ones!!!

    1. When I was a young single mother I went to community college. The college had free day-care for preschool children. Also depending on where she lives, social services usually has some kind of day-care service. I am sure she is overwhelmed. She needs to focus and reach out to every kind of help that is out there. Make a list of every organization and make the calls. Once the children are in full time day-care, she is free to work. But she should also reach out for any service she may be entitled to. Maybe also call the department of labor for some advice or direction on getting back to work. Definitely contact child support services even if he doesn’t show an income. Trust me on that one. Praying for you. You can do this! Also try contacting your local church…an outreach church offers more services.

    2. Try finding a job at a daycare. One thing people forget is ironing and housekeeping. I charged $1 a piece and ironed fast 80 pieces a day and cleaned for other people. My kids went with me and behaved even helped. You’d be suprised.

  12. Look into any social programs that could help you. Is there anyone who could help with the children? Could you possibly trade childcare with another single mother? Do you belong to a church? Look for help there. I wish I could offer more help to you in Rwanda.

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