Olive Branch

Anonymous would you like your perspective. “I’ve been estranged from my daughter and her husband and two grandchildren for over a decade. My crime was having the eldest removed due to my daughter being in a physically abusive relationship at that time, and being addicted to drugs and alcohol. I tried to help her in every possible way, but eventually knew the child could no longer be in such an unsafe environment…

I raised her for nearly five years. My daughter was clean then and able to take her back. She immediately set out to destroy me by not allowing free access. She twisted the child’s mind completely, telling her I made up lies about her Mum to get her in trouble! That I wanted her all to myself!

That child now hates me and on the odd occasions I’ve seen her, has been verbally abusive (with witnesses). They want to come and visit this Sunday and I am in two minds. Yes it’s an olive branch, but there have been no respectful conversations, and I am still not allowed to have the grandchildren because I will ‘make up stories’ about my daughter. (despite all information on OT records!)

My partner says his gut is saying they’re afraid of being left out of my Will. I’ve thought of neutral ground meeting but… I actually don’t want to see them. The pain has been too intense for far too long. ANY thoughts appreciated. I’m normally a very forgiving person but I have spent years healing and putting up boundaries. Thank you for any thoughts to help unravel my mind.”

  1. You say you don’t want to go, why go? It will be a difficult meeting and you don’t trust them already.

  2. I don’t know if you are a Christian or not but I am so here is my answer with a Christian bias. The Church Covenant tells us to watch over one another in brotherly love, to remember one another in prayer, to aid one another in sickness and distress, to cultivate Christian sympathy in feeling and Christian courtesy in speech; to be slow to take offense, but always ready for reconciliation and mindful of the rules of our Saviour to secure it without delay. That said, you can pray for and offer aid to (doesn’t have to be money – can be a kind ear) your daughter. You can sympathize with her and speak nicely to her. You can not be easily offended by her and always open to reconciliation with boundaries. I have found that if I do the right thing, God will handle the details.

  3. It really might be worth the ‘risk’ of giving this a chance. A step in the right direction. Perhaps she will actually take some responsibility for her past. I like the idea of a public place meeting (although not too public so you can talk freely) because if it gets too painful for you, or seems futile and a mistake, you can exit quickly and easily.

  4. If you don’t want to go, don’t. Just because you share DNA does not mean you have to put up with disrespectful behavior, or even like that person. Respect YOURSELF enough not to do things you have no desire or need to do.

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