Place to Live

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“Adult daughter needs place to live soon.

Husband and I can’t have her live with us due to her repeated past emotional and behavioral disabilities. She has no income except monthly Social Security Disability Insurance checks (SSDI).
She does have seven thousand in savings due to back dated money from SSDI, which makes her over the five thousand dollar limit to apply for public housing. Even if she “spends down” below the five thousand, there is a one to two year wait list for public housing. And homeless shelters are a temporary option, plus we would feel terribly guilty is she ended up there.
Husband and I are discussing possibly buying a small house where she can live, paying us a reduced rent.
Your experiences, ideas, and thoughts are welcome.” -Anonymous
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13 thoughts on “Place to Live”

  1. Not speaking from experience but there is help for people who have problems bu not straight away. I would not buy her a small house as she will be there forever. A one bedroom flat (rented) with as suggested above her paying some of the expenses. However if she thinks mum and dad will pay this week as I’ve spent the money you are in a bad position. Please do not stand guarentee for anything because she doesn’t pay you do.

  2. I have no experience except insisting a young adult grandchild get his own place (he was a slob, loved to party, ate me out of house and home, wanted “companions” allowed for overnights) so I will send you strength, and patience and understanding,, on angels wings.

  3. Contact your Dept. of Rehabilitative Services. It may be called something else in your area. Due to her emotional disability she should qualify for services.

  4. Nope, don’t buy her a house. If she trashes it, then you got to fix it back up after she leaves. She probably is not able to handle maintenance issues (a leaking sink, etc.) so an apartment in her name would be better. But, first off, get social services involved, or your church. But don’t buy her a house. She’s just not up to it and you will regret it.

  5. Really hate the idea of her having to live alone. Maybe you can find a group situation, where she’d be happier. So sorry. This is going to be very devastating for her.

  6. Agree with Fran. Thinking possibly it’s better if apartment in her name instead of yours in event there are problems it will go to her and not you. Fran sounds like she has experience that I don’t, however.
    Best wishes for a good outcome for all of you.

  7. Don’t have any comments on this haven’t had to deal with anything like this before. Must be a very hard decision for you all. My best wishes for all concerned.

  8. ask everyone to help you find a support group, there are other parents out there that LOVE their child but cannot live with them.. they will offer the best solutions.. aska social worker to help you find support or your doctor..and keep positive thoughts for a solution

    1. If you have money to buy her a house, then you have money to provide subsidized housing for her. Find an affordable apartment and rent it in your name. Get the shortest term lease possible as this might not work. Insist she pay 30% of her SSI for it each month. Also, insist that she use another 20% of her SSI to hire an attendant to check in on her several times a week and help her keep the apartment clean. You may have to subsidize the attendant pay too. Make sure she is on food stamps to help with the cost of food. If she receiving services from her local mental health authority? If not, get that set up too. I have two children with mental illness. I know what you are going thru.

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