Proper Bedroom

“I am 50 and I have three daughters who all went to university. The youngest is 18 and…

“I am 50 and I have three daughters who all went to university. The youngest is 18 and has just started her first year and is living in student accommodations in London. In this Covid-world, I know being a student is different than the experiences of my older daughters…

My youngest doesn’t like drinking or being out late – so she hasn’t gone out with new people even when invited. She keeps herself to herself and doesn’t really involve herself with her new flat mates – all her own choice though. All the teaching is online. She has been in London for several weeks so far and has come home every weekend.

Here is my problem: my husband and I have scrimped and saved to fund each child through university. We live in a small three bed, rented house and have for 10 years. The girls always had the largest rooms. Our bedroom was always a tiny box room that only fits our bed. I hang my clothes in the bathroom and my husband keeps his under the bed in a bag.

Anyway, a few weeks ago we started decorating the biggest bedroom. This was my youngest daughter’s (and since her older sister left she has had it to herself for three years) and all the girls always knew that once everyone left home we would change bedrooms and my husband and I would finally have a proper bedroom.

My daughter arrived home this weekend and was VERY angry that she wasn’t able to sleep in ‘her’ room because the furniture was moved and the walls were half painted. We had another bedroom that she could’ve used but she said it wasn’t good enough. She immediately packed her things and left to go and stay with her boyfriend.

Are we doing the wrong thing? She can still come home, but will need to sleep in a different room. My husband and I feel like it is our time now and we deserve to have a proper room to sleep in finally. Are we wrong? Thank you.” -Anonymous.

  1. You and your husband have waited patiently for this time to move into the space. Your daughter is young, has been well cared for, and is most likely anxious about so much change and her reaction could be exacerbated by the additional stress from the pandemic and being away for college. Some people need time to adjust to changes. Be loving and kind to yourself and patient with your daughter as you all adjust.

  2. No you are NOT wrong.your house your choices.all the other “adults “ in your house are now go for it woman.enjoy the new a picture on here when it’s done.I’d love to see it.👍💯

  3. You are not wrong in moving into the larger bedroom. However, even though it was understood to happen someday, the shock was unsettling for your daughter to come home and find it happening with no warning. I feel she should have been told (no asked) before she came home. Set her new room for her to match as best as possible her old room. Invite her over and talk about the situation and show her the new space reserved for her. Best of luck!

  4. I m sorry I wouldn’t have moved into the smallest room at all. Get it painted furnished and get back into the largest room…enjoy😁

    1. I agree. I would never have given them the big bedroom in the first place. When I went home and stayed at my parents I slept wherever they put me. I was there to see them…not some room!

    2. I’m with you Grandma, wouldn’t have lived in the little room from the start, and now go for it

  5. Take the room. She is being childish and immature. She needs to get over it and you need to live. It’s your time now.

  6. Who paid for the house?
    But maybe explain that as her life has entered a new phase, so has yours She is loved, wanted and welcomed as before but this is your turn to be first.

    Maybe invite her to decorate her new room as befitting a mature, independent university student.

  7. Your daughter will come around. We all do everything to give our kids roots to grow and wings to fly. They are flying now and she still can still come back to the nest (in a smaller room). Make the switch, create a beautiful space for you and your hubby – guilt free. You deserve it! She’ll figure it out and all will be good. These are crazy times, nobody is reacting the way they normally would. Congrats on your new project xo

  8. It’s your turn. It’s your home. She’s 18 and out into the world, even if she is still coming back on weekends. She will have to adapt – and with time she will recognize the sacrifices you have made to give her the life she has been able to experience. As another wrote, if necessary, let her decorate the new room that you’re setting up for her – give her the chance to make it hers with decorations of her choice. If she has a part in creating it she may appreciate it more. But don’t feel guilty for taking what is rightfully yours now. The birds have left the nest and are learning to fly on their own, and she will either get over it or she won’t, that’s not your problem.

  9. It was understandable that you gave the biggest room to your daughter’s when they were all staying with you,but now that they have left home,it is absolutely okay for you and your husband to move into the big room and have your space.Your daughter must realise the sacrifices you both have made to provide them with everything.You need not feel guilty about occupying it ,she will come to terms with your choice sooner or later.Just let her know she is loved and is welcome to come home anytime but she has to adjust in the smaller room.

    1. Absolutely correct, she’s too self centered. After all mom has done for her she needs to show some love for her mom,after all she deserves it

  10. I think her reaction is shock, when she’s had time to reflect I’m sure she’ll feel bad about behaving this way.

  11. I think you should take all of the three bedrooms and turn them into your own proper bedroom. Time for the girls to move on, time for you to have a wardrobe!

    1. No you have not done anything wrong by moving into that bedroom. Part of growing up on your daughters part. Your daughters have been fortunate that you gave up the larger bedrooms in the first place and that you have sacraviced to send them all away to college. When she provides her own roof over her head she can call the rules at her house until then this your house. She will adapt.

  12. Change brings change. One of the truths of life. You may just kickstart something in your daughter to make some more changes now, too. It’s milestone in both your lives and you will all react and cope differently. Sometimes, I’ve found the kids have to act out some anger to make the break bearable for them. As she matures things will settle down. Don’t be surprised if the next 6 months or so are a bit brutal. That’s her way of navigating this situation. And you don’t need her permission to make changes, remember. She will also make more decisions for herself as her individuality grows.

  13. She sounds like an entitled brat. Who’s paying your mortgage/rent? Utilities? Food? Garbage? You! You & your husband should have had the large room all along, & made her pay at least some of her college tuition. Maybe then she would not act so ungrateful & rude. She’ll get over it eventually!

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