Protecting Myself

This post is also available in: Italiano (Italian) Anonymous doesn’t know in which direction she should go. “We’ve…

This post is also available in: Italiano (Italian)

Anonymous doesn’t know in which direction she should go. “We’ve been married 25 years. It’s never been easy. In fact, it’s been abusive. It was a marriage of convenience for both of us…

I didn’t realize what I was getting into, but I had children to take care of (from a prior relationship). He made it so I could give them opportunities I never would have been able to alone. The costs to me were inconsequential. The children only mattered.

I live in the United States. I want to leave. But I’m scared, not sure I can because of financial reasons. I’m on disability and my health is deteriorating. I’m sure the stress adds to that.

He’s stollen my money and now (he is terminally ill) he wants to go out in a blaze of glory. Drinking and gambling, putting all the bills, property taxes, even groceries on the credit cards. I’ve locked some money away he can’t get to but he knows it’s there.

Ugh, a complicated situation made shorter, I recently discovered he’s known how serious his health condition is (overheard conversation) and that he has been cashing in his life insurance. Thus leaving me legally obligated (at his passing) for all the bills.

How am I to pay for his “enjoying his play” while I’ll be left destitute?

I have no money to go to the doctor. I don’t know what to do, where to go. I can’t go to my children. I am not their burden. I’m disappointed and disgusted with myself.

Have you ever been in this position and what did you do?”

  1. Leave and go to your children. They’re adults now , odds are they know and are waiting to support you. Family is family , not a burden . Take your nest egg leave and get legal advice go now don’t look back .

    1. Divorcing him next week, or sooner, sounds like excellent advice. Have your lawyer leave him the bills, whatever it takes to do that. Negotiate but get out with your nest egg. Good luck!!!

  2. Get a lawyer and divorce him ASAP. Freeze your money so he can’t touch it. The bank will help you do this . Go to your local member of parliament and get them to get you emergency housing. There is so much out for you. Don’t sit there move now

  3. Ok…breathe. Don’t be so hard on yourself. First thing to do, is remove your money into an account just for you. Do not let him have no more access to your money. I am also 60 looking to divorce my husband because at this stage in life, you should be enjoying yours. Abuse is abuse. Mines is alot of mental crap. My son thought I was happily married and said he didn’t know. He said understood, like you, that I didn’t want to burden anyone because they have their own lives but I’m still their mom. I informed my husband, that I can’t be mad because I am responsible for how I let people treat me and one day I will be gone. Look to find out what help and resources are available where you live or wherever you want to go. I am also doing the something. I know about being on disability with limited income but you have to remove yourself from that toxic situation. You and your health is your priorty.😘

  4. Separate yourself legally so you are not responsible for his bills. Have your name removed as well. Depending on the state you live in you have to separate before you can file for divorce. Sometimes you need to post in paper that you are not responsible for your husbands bills as well. Don’t wait see a lawyer… like yesterday and get this resolved. ..otherwise he wins and you will be in a fight you don’t want!

  5. There’s to much help out there for you to stay stuck get out and get on with your life do what you need to do to protect and care for you

  6. Move! Get out! See a lawyer! Remember, you are your first priority! Take care of you, anyway you can!

  7. Don’t just get any lawyer. You need bulldog representation. Research the best advocate for you and act immediately. Alone is better than abused.

    1. Yes!!! Find a lawyer ASAP!!! Find out if there is anything you can do in your state to protect yourself. Take yourself OFF joint credit cards ASAP.

  8. There’s a lot of help out there. Legal Aid may be able to help you and if not, can point you to someone who can. Separate your money and yourself from him. Local churches and women’s shelters can also help you. Prayers and Godspeed.

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