Resenting Behavior of Daughter

Sabrina writes, “I have three adult children. My two sons have children by choice my daughter does not……

Sabrina writes, “I have three adult children. My two sons have children by choice my daughter does not…

She does not talk to her younger brother due to his scrapes with law enforcement and the embarrassment he caused us all by his crimes making the newspaper.

His child who is only 10 years old, who he hasn’t seen in over three years, is a sweet boy. I am able to spend lots of time with him.

My daughter refuses to have a relationship with her own nephew and we all live in the same area. She is ignoring the child who has done nothing wrong and it breaks my heart. My grandson doesn’t understand why his Aunt never sees him. I am very sad about this.

Please advise me, I am really starting to resent my daughter for this behavior as I was treated differently as a child due to my mother’s misbehavior.”

  1. Talk to your daughter. Tell her shes hurting an innocent child and her behaviour is worse than the brother she despises. Give everything you can give to your grandson. He needs it. Your daughter is a misbehaving adult.

  2. Is she afraid her brother will try and initiate a relationship through his son? Maybe she realizes her younger brother is “toxic” to her and chooses to not be involved. If she is in law enforcement, maybe the actions of her brother cause her angst. Talk to her privately. She looks at things not as a Parent , but, as a sibling in regard to your son.
    I, too, had to deem my sibling relationship as a lost cause after many years of abuse. I’m sure my Parents would have liked it differently, but, I tried for many years. I had to walk away when the sibling started emotionally abusing my children, and our own Mother.

  3. I have never held back with my boys. I try to be diplomatic, but if something is bothering me, they know it. Being open has allowed them to grow into men who are able to ‘hear’ and realize they aren’t being attacked. From all you’ve said your daughter is placing here resentment in the wrong place. This poor child, while already living without a father, has also lost an aunt through no fault of his own. I would feel as you do – angry and once resentment takes hold, it’s very hard to shake it. If it were me, I would have to talk to her, time to grow up and accept her nephew for the innocent, lovely child he is. I hope it work out for you I truly do.

  4. You should not fault a child for their parents.Tell her that and repeat it if need be. It may take abit. But a child is always innocent.

  5. You should definitely talk to her about it, if you haven’t already. Have you asked why? Does she know that you suffered the same treatment as a child? If you can’t talk to her, maybe put it in writing, she’ll have time to absorb the words. Let her know your feelings but let her explain hers, also

  6. It is very sad if we CAN have a relationship with any adult or child family member and we dont.
    Another sad but very human issue is putting any sort of expectation > ours will live with having a good pure heart, have love to share, and the love to forget or harbour resentment… Enjoy thos memories with good energy

  7. It seems to me that she is afraid that by getting close to the nephew, it will bring her into contact with her brother. Your grandson is 10. When he asks, be as honest as possible and tell him that she and his dad don’t get along and that sometimes adults make bad decisions. I wouldn’t beg her or try to force her. If she doesn’t open her heart to him willingly it will mean nothing. Give that kid a lot of love and affection and let her sulk to herself. It is her loss.

  8. Suggest she try to have a get together with you and the young boy together and see how it goes..set up guidelines and give it a whirl…may be pleasantly surprised

  9. I agree about writing but I also think that maybe the daughter is carrying alot of hurt from her brother and has built barriers which is possibly why she is also not having a family herself.
    I would write a heartfelt letter, tell her how much you love her,tell her you understand the hurt and mistrust caused to her and your whole family. Tell her the healing joy your getting from this little boy and how much you would love to share that with her but also tell her that you will always love her and respect her decision.
    As for your little grandson, tell him that sometimes when people are hurt they put up wall to protect themselves and in doing so don’t realise they are hurting people close to them. This can be a lesson in empathy. Always speak lovingly about your whole family so this little boy,in loving you,doesn’t take your hurts with him. God is good and time is a wonderful thing. If you leave all doors open you just never know. ❤

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