Should we have Another Child

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“My question is to some of the women who are only children themselves. I’m an only child in my early 40’s… I have a very small family as does my husband.

We are blessed with a gorgeous little boy. We don’t live too close to family and don’t have additional family support which can be tough at times. Our child will grow up also with no family circle as such…

So grand parents who are aging and one uncle whose children are much older than our little boy. We are trying to decide on another baby. I know of course at the end of day it’s our decision but I’d love to hear from any women in similar positions – what they did and how life panned out.

I often see when people wonder about adding to their family, people advise if you have the financial stability and family support to go for it. However we would really be doing it ourselves with not huge money. We both work but housing and childcare costs are very high.

I don’t actually know other adult only children so would love to hear if there’s some collective wisdom out there. My own main motivation for another baby would be for my child to have a sibling” -Anonymous

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9 thoughts on “Should we have Another Child”

  1. I am the oldest of 5 , however have a niece , who is an only child & recall her saying.** i see the kids in the street , playing with their siblings & at times feel that I havd missed out ** .
    Years ago i saw the following comment in a magazine & it resonated with me .
    ** i was an only child & now I am.an only adult , ALL the decisions about my parents are on my shoulders . I wish I had someone to share things with .**
    However , as a mother of 4 ( now adults) , i used to say ” Even though I have 4 kids , i have no guarantee that I will have 4 adults , But at least they will have memories of shared experiences .*

  2. As the child of parents who were older when they had my brother then, 2 years later, me, I just want to say “Don’t do it.” My dad died when I was twelve. My mom worked hard and did her best, but that’s all she did: work hard. She couldn’t bike ride with me, skate with me, play baseball with me, play tennis with me. She was always too afraid of falling or getting hurt. She didn’t bake or do crafts. She did not attend awards programs or graduations because she always had to work the next morning and she was old enough that a full day’s work exhausted her. Intellectually, I appreciate what she did. Emotionally, I have always felt deprived. I got married when I was seventeen, had my daughter when I was eighteen and my son when I was twenty. The kids’ dad died March 2020, but my kids were in their 40’s, with children of their own. They put me on skis when I was 36 but I wasn’t co-ordinated enough, so they put me on a snowboard, which I rocked! I still snowboard with them and I’m 62. I roller-blade with my grandchildren. The point I’m trying to make is: if you’re going to be a big part of your children’s life, make sure you can do the things THEY enjoy doing. You don’t get to pick their hobbies to fit into your physical health limits.

  3. You are taking a chance, genetically speaking. You would have to be prepared for that. Also you will be nearing retirement when that child would be graduating from high school. Do you have the energy and patience to deal with anything that could come along?

  4. I’m going to come at this from another point of view. I am one of two. My sister was the polar opposite from me which isn’t necessarily a bad thing but for us it was. We have never gotten along and 20 years ago she cut our while family off. For those who are thinking “that wouldn’t happen with my children” I’d say it can happen in the best of families. You never know what personality your child will have and siblings aren’t always built in playmates. I think sometimes being an only is a blessing. JMO

  5. I was an only child, and only grandchild on both sides of the family. I had three sets of aunts and uncles who had no children. As a child I enjoyed being the only child and getting the love and attention of all the adults. That generation is all gone and I now have no one who shares my childhood memories. That feels sort of sad. I have two sons. They enjoyed each others company as children and we enjoyed their very different personalties. I also think it was easier as an adult to have two children who could enterain each other. As adults our children still keep in touch, and when all together often talk and laugh about things that happened when they were growing up. Bottom line is have another child because you want one not for your child.

  6. If you want another child for the sake of having another, yes increase your family. My husband and I are only children but we have 3 now adult children. Your son is not going to miss what he doesn’t have and there is no guarantee that they will get along as adults; however it could also be a strong relationship. The question should be do you and your husband want to raise another child. Childcare and housing will always be high. Unless the extra costs will be such a hardship that you would not be able to have the quality of life you have now it is not really a factor. Good luck in your decision.

  7. I am an only child, my Mother was an only child. My Father had 3 sibblings but much younger then him, basically he grew up as an only child. My family life was lovely, but lonely at times. No siblings no cousins, my family felt so different from what I saw with my school chums families and their extended family. I really didn’t have an extended family. When I started a family I new no only children for me, I had three, with no regrets.

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