Skeletons in the Closet

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“My first husband could not have children so I was artificially inseminated. I wanted us to be a family. He had a good job but insisted on selling drugs…

I guess I was hoping by making him a father he would stop. He was more intent on impressing these drug dealers.

When my son was four months old the cops raided our house one night. He had stepped out the black door and was going to hide the cocaine when he saw a line of headlights coming up the driveway. I never saw him alive again. He hid himself while the cops searched the house and arrested me and took me to jail. He snuck back to the house but had a light on and the cops came back. He was placed in handcuffs face down on the floor… and overdosed and died there. I faced five felonies.

I was naive and thought I was ok. I just lived there. Wrong! I ended up pleading to one felony which is on my record forever. I was devastated, heartbroken and faced years of sadness. After many years I saw things more clearly. He was a coward! I feel so much anger toward him for leaving us that way.

I raised my son by myself and told him that his father overdosed, nothing more. He is 37 now with a wife and son. Do I tell him now that his father is not his biological father? At the time I thought it was enough to deal with that his father died on drugs. Now I’m not so sure. What would be the advantage of telling him the truth now? He is proud of him for serving in Vietnam. Should I leave well enough alone? He has no interest in genealogy or DNA so chances of him taking a DNA test are nil.” -Anonymous

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12 thoughts on “Skeletons in the Closet”

  1. Not one of us is perfect. The knowledge will be very important to your son. Tell him while he can ask questions. Despite your husband’s faults you loved him and that is what has kept his secret for so long. Be brave.

  2. Your son was four months old when your husband died, and you have let him believe for 37 that the dead drug dealer is his father??? Shame on you.

  3. You call the deceased drug dealer a coward but you have shown that you are too. Your son is 37 years old and you still have not owned up to his parentage. Tell him now before it’s too late. It is his life, he deserves to know the truth.

  4. Much as I understand your concerns, I think it best you tell him. For one thing, even though he has no interest in DNA, what if his kids do later in life when he’s still alive and you’re not around to explain? Or, what if, heaven forbid, some medical condition arises that requires genetic testing? Also, if there’s any likelihood he or any of his family should go for a job requiring a deep security check, the truth would come out, and they’d be perceived as liars for not disclosing it (I had a friend go for a TSA job and they were concerned because we were friends and I have close ties to Ireland!). I think it would seem less of a betrayal – which it really isn’t, but he might not see it that way – if you are up front about it. You are in a position now to tell him in person and answer the questions both of what happened and why you never told him earlier. Being left with unanswerable questions is more damaging than the truth.

  5. Tell him. Do it privately, maybe even with this letter. But first try to let go of your anger. Yes, your husband may have been a coward and feared the repercussions, but you also found good in him, which you seemed to have shared with your son. Do this while you are alive so your son has the chance to ask questions and can then determine his own closure. Most folks can get over learning the truth but rhe act of having the truth withheld (lied to) is so much more devastating.

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