Forgiveness Archives - GreyFeathers.com Blog

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An Abusive Journey

ByGreyFeathers
May 30, 2019

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Forgiving Yourself

ByGreyFeathers
September 12, 2018

GreyFeathers

22 hours ago

“Has anyone has weaned off Ambien, and what was your experience?” -Doris ... See MoreSee Less

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PLEASE BE VERY CAREFUL! My 43-year-old nephew took his own life in early July. He had been on Ambien for seven years and had been trying to wean off of it. The last thing he googled on his phone, the evening before the morning he took his life, was 'side effects of Ambien withdrawal.' His suicide was completely unexpected. He had not complained of depression, was making future plans, etc. We firmly believe the act was due to Ambien withdrawal.

I have been taking Ambien since my ex husband came out of the closet in the early 2000’s. I will NEVER give it up! Being able to sleep is priceless! I combine 5 mg nightly with 50 mg of Benadryl and 10 mg of melatonin.

Ask your doctor the best way to wean off any long term medication. Never suddenly stop any medication you have been taking regularly.

My experience was waking up during the night on the floor with a jar of peanut butter in my hand never took it again no problem getting off of it

CBD is very good for sleep honestly. Also a weighted blanket.

I took it for years and decided to get myself off it. Be prepared for a few nights of little sleep. Start reducing how much you take, working down to none at all. The first week was rough, the second week much better. Now I take magnesium and melatonin at night and sleep great.

I called all my exes one night while taking ambien with no recollection the next day until one was kind enough to tell me. Not good!!

I take cbd gummies to help reduce anxiety and improve sleep…no side effects.

CBN from cannabis is a good sleep aid.

Just like I quit cigarettes. Just stop. My outlook is that the only thing stronger than me is GOD , and I prayed a lot.

When coming off any drug, especially this kind, go VERY slowly and wait until the 'jolt' has passed before taking the next step down. And preferably do it with your doctor's knowledge and advice. Best of luck!

I have! Off a full dose a long time ago. Went to half for a few months, then a 1/4 for awhile- now zero, sleeping fine til i need to pee and go bk to sleep right away. One thing wh helps is to sleep on my side as i hv apnea. Good luck- ifvi can do it you can🥰

Due to the neuropathy in my hands, I haven't been able to sleep without zolpidem in a long time. No issues from it, though - I just worry that I'll forget to bring it with me when I travel.

I was for about a year then switched to cbd.

It can be rough. Do it slowly. I had bad rebound insomnia and awful nightmares.

I just quit taking it and was fine

My husband couldn’t take these, they made him hallucinate.

I'm surprised it's still on the market- it's a dangerous drug.

This is a dangerous drug especially for older adults. My mom was addicted to it years ago before she passed and never could get off it. 😞

I used it years ago and wrote some.of the best poetry in the middle of the night without a memory of any of it. I had trouble getting off of it. It's definitely addictive.

I was an educator so I had my summers off and that is when I took myself off of Ambien after taking it for two years. It was a challenge but I succeeded.

Someone I know ended up in the psych ward addicted to Ambien. Got off Ambien after an evaluation and placed on meds for Bipolar 2.

My doctor is reluctant to prescribe it. I took it briefly while going through chemo. Now I take 6 mg of (OTC) melatonin and that does help me sleep.

I'm still on a low dose for about 15 years. It helps me a lot since I still work part time and on somewhat of a schedule. Any suggestions on slowing down my brain would help to rest. Thanks everyone

It is not easy but just do it. I was working at the time and took 5-6 days for me to feel at least a bit normal. Never again will I take a sleep aid.

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GreyFeathers

2 days ago

“My son, who is close to 60 years old, had a rough start, being the only child of divorced parents. He was eight at the time; I've never remarried, although I've had two major relationships post-divorce. I'm in my 80s now. Both his father and I were messes. For most of my life I've been in therapy and have been a present, generous, supportive parent to him for the greater part of his life. He also has done some work on himself. However, a lot remains unresolved for him, and he is, in my opinion, a man who wants to be accommodated but has no desire to accommodate me. As an adult, he hasn't been present for either of the surgeries I underwent, nor helped in either of the two moves I've made. I live abroad, but it's not he who helps with any paperwork that originates in the US. Two years ago, I sent him the money that is his legacy from me, as I knew he needed it, and I wanted him to have it while I was still living. Recently I asked him to enlighten me on why he refuses to be on Facebook, which is a venue I'm comfortable with, and which would make it very easy for me to send occasional information relevant to his work. He loudly and adamantly stated he was NOT getting on it, and that he didn't want to have to read stuff I might send, and then feel guilty for not doing so. I listened, once again shocked by the absence of any consideration of me, by his utter inability to do something simple and harmless just for me. Last time he visited, he'd said he would help with anything in the house, but when he saw the closet I needed help with, he said I should leave it until I moved. Translation: he didn't want to do it. I keep finding ways to stay connected in the face of his limitations, because he's my son and I love him, but the Facebook outpour really got to me. I told him I was taking a break and would call him when I could. I feel so very tired of being the accommodator, and I just don't know the way forward any more. It will be up to me to contact him to reconnect; he has never done it. Should I give up? We do have wonderful conversations and he always says he loves me. But my experience of him is the love only goes as long as there's no inconvenience, nothing asked of him.” -Anonymous ... See MoreSee Less

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You just have to accept he isn't the son you would love to have, he is the son you have. Enjoy your conversations and be blessed when he says he loves you.....that is still more than what some mums get

We are not defined by our children. He is an adult now. Let him know you love him. He is free to contact you when he wants etc. Pray diligently for him. Then go live your life. He has shown he can't be relied on so get others to help you. I have children that don't want to contact me etc. My door is always open to them but I don't try to force them through it.

Good advice from a great friend “You can’t fix him. Stop trying. You’ll be happier if you do”. I’ve made the conscious effort to stop trying to “fix” anyone other than myself and I AM much happier.

You’ve given him your legacy- he obviously doesn’t need to be there for you anymore. Make your own life and if he wants to be in your life he will make the effort. Sorry to be so frank but that’s what it looks like to me 😰❤️

You don’t say what your therapist has advised you to do or not do about this situation. Do you disagree with what they have advised? I was told by my counselor at one point to leave one of my children alone. I was constantly trying to get them to connect with me in a way I wanted, but just because I want something doesn’t mean I get to have it. He may not remember or see you as present, generous or supportive.

From another viewpoint.. I am 66 my mother is 86. I cut all ties with her 3 yrs ago, I know she is cared for in a nursing home. Myself and my siblings had a rough childhood, I accept that it’s how it was , but spent to long trying to talk to my mother about it. Her response was always that she was a good mum, did her best, and loved us all . In fact she only loved herself. In the end for my own sanity/peace of mind I cut all ties. I am finally happy xx

Unresolved childhood issues are manifesting now. Don't shut the door on him completely, however stop pining for accommodation from him, which deep down you know probably won't happen. You did your best given the circumstances at the time. Enjoy your twilight years by involving yourself in stuff that makes you happy.

We can only control ourselves. And, that is darned near impossible sometimes too. I hope he awakens to all the feelings that make a whole human before you are not here. I encourage you to be reflective of your true self where he is concerned. If he continues in his partially somnambulist state, that is just who he is. You are not alone. It sounds like there are thousands of children who cannot appreciate that their parents did their best...whether it was good enough or not, and have love to give now.

At ages 80 and 60, there isn’t much left to “accommodate “… he sounds like a spoiled brat….

Be kind. Keep in touch. life is short and keeping contact is important for you both, even if he doesn’t realise it.

It sounds like he needs to grow up, he’s 60 not 6. He sounds like a selfish person who is really only interested in himself and his own feelings. Let him reconnect with you if he wants to.

Interesting dynamics here...I sense some co dependent issues that possibly started with the divorce and parent/child interaction long ago. You cannot live your life, nor base your contentment/happiness through your son. It seems to be that your son has "disconnected" emotionally from your relationship. I'm sure there are reasons behind this that only he would understand. Unfortunately I believe there probably should of been some counseling long before now,, yet would possibly benefit both of you to some degree at this point and time. There seems to be a "push and pull" of emotions in order for you both to have a sense of control over the other. The best thing to do is for each of you to be OKAY with YOURSELVES. To love and interact without expectations and find acceptance in ways of your love and differences. Without expectations and acceptance you let go of trying to control one another and love should win in the end. Otherwise the two of are like mixing oil and water....pick your poison... LOVE OR INDIFFERENCES BATTLES OR ACCEPTANCE Life is short..Live it with no regrets.

True.

It is my experience with only children that they can be selfish regardless of their upbringing. He has had time to get over the divorce & time to become a decent human being and instead he has chosen to be an ungrateful & selfish brat. Sorry, but not sorry😳

Sounds like he has issues, possibly nothing involving you, but he's choosing to use you as an emotional punchbag. Look after yourself hun, he knows where you are.

I'm usually a silent observer, but - families are complicated and adult families even more so . I see this as a choice about whether to accept what can be given voluntarily, or to reject that because these gifts are not what you want or need. We only have the power to change ourselves, not others - perhaps the wonderful conversations can continue, if its possible to no longer expect or need anything further. I have a friend who has always grieved for what is absent in her son, this caused a lot of pain for her, and in the end an estrangement. Maybe it's worth concentrating on what works with your son, and to focus on finding support and caring from those who freely choose to be in your life

He is your son. Love him and call him when you want to talk. FB is not for everyone.

Never expect things from your children. You could be making him feel obligated. You also are the one who moved away, dont expect family to help you out for a decision you made. Also social media is not for everyone.

I would tell him how I feel in a hand written letter. Not a mean letter, but one from your heart. He's old enough to know better. He sounds like a spoiled child to me.

Why do you have so many expectations?? Having these sets you up for disappointment Live your life and let him live his. Children do not have an obligation to make our lives right abs vice a versus. I love my son and miss him and wish we had more contact but the world is changing and we are all trying to survive.

He is paying you back for the not so good childhood he had. He is hurting still. He doesn't seem ready for a relationship with you and at that age I doubt it will happen. Let him be. You have done best you could. Dont spend your last few precious years moping. Look for alternative interesting things to do...and friends. Keep busy and happy. Who knows...he may circle back to you.

Hi there, I'm sorry that you're feeling hurt by your son. You said that you do enjoy the conversation when you have them. In my opinion it doesn't matter who's reaching out at that point as long as the conversations are good. I feel that would be huge loss to stop contacting him. Sometimes people stop contact thinking that it will only be for a short while. Then, before they know it the time becomes so long that it is awkward to reach back out. I would Keep those conversations that you enjoy and the "I love yous" coming

We are only getting one side of this story. Has the OP given her son the opportunity to vent his hurts and disappointments without judgement or defensiveness? His POV might be entirely different from hers.

Why are you stressing yrself out. He obviously does not want you in his life. The saying goes" if someone "wants" to be in yr life, they make an effort. Do yrself a favour, leave him be. If he reconnects for the right reason, youve cracked it....not easy i know...

I have a grown grandson I raised who has functioning autism. I struggle every day with dealing with his issues. It sounds like your son has no real empathy for his aging mother. I feel your pain. Mine lives with me. I’ve tried all avenues for help. Sometimes I just let go and say he’s in Gods hands. I love him in spite of himself.

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GreyFeathers

3 days ago

“Help! I lost my husband over seven years ago after a somewhat lengthy illness. We were married for 33 years.
I met a very nice man. I’m 63, he’s 66. He treats me well and he’s fun to be with. I like him very much. He’s used the “L” word. I have not.
I don’t want to sound shallow and self-centered. However, when we met, he was about to get knee surgery. So, we never did anything that required a lot of walking. There was lots of talk about trips, and other activities after he got his knee surgery. I nursed him through his knee surgery. His mobility is still rather limited, he’s had some post-op problems, but has made an effort to do some things. He bought a camper so we would be able to travel. I’ve kicked in money, because I like to pay my share. Here’s the kicker. Now he needs a heart stint. We had planned a camping trip to the beach for a week, which had to be canceled. Regrettably, this is not the first time we have had to cancel travel plans due to his health. I am a fairly independent, active woman, with my own money, house and part time job. Here’s my issue... I’ve already been a nurse. I don’t want to go through taking care of another person. It seems like one health issue after another with him. Maybe that’s how it is after 60? I like him, I like his children and grandchildren. They call me Nana. I’m just sick about hurting anyone/everyone. Life is short. I feel like my life is on hold, and passing me by. I want to travel. He told me he wanted the same. But here I am two years later, still in a holding mode. He kiddingly asked me if I wanted to trade him in for two 30-year-olds. I sort of do. Except they require too much food (LOL). How do I get out of this? Should I get out of this? Am I being selfish? Self-centered? Shallow? A _itch? HELP!” -Anonymous ... See MoreSee Less

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ANONYMOUS WRITES: "Just go deep down inside your heart to know what you actually feel for this person. Do you feel intense love for him, and sacrificing yourself for him won't ever seem a big deal to you, and only just thinking about leaving him sucks out the life out of you, or burdens you terribly with misery? If 'yes' is your answer, then stay. Stay with him forever. However, if that's not the case and you don't feel as if he is your 'life' etc; and you want to help him sometimes like sitting with him to cheer him up once every, let's say, six months or so as a good friend but not each and every moment; you burdened when you think of dedicating your life to him and thinking about leaving him makes you feel okay after all he has his own family - grandchildren and all - it's not like he is all alone and helpless in the world! It's time you start to live your own life. Now is the time to gradually start parting from him, to be moving out from his life gently... not telling him point blank that you are leaving, just quietly begin to fade away from his life. You have been so kind to this person. You have done well by him without any sort of an official commitment. You never vowed that you would always stay! So now it's time for you to be kind to yourself too. Later on in life you will get on in years and not stay as youthful and active as you are at this moment. This moment is the right time to start planning your own life, for all those ripe years ahead of you. Now is the time."

As women, we tend to put other's needs before our own. There comes a time, when we need to put ourselves first. Do what you really feel in your heart, what will bring you the most happiness! Life is so very short..I'm just beginning to practise this myself..😊

Run fast as you can away from this love or it will eventually make you bitter. You already know the answer to what you want honey just be brave enough to do it you're not being selfish you're being honest. Good luck and many blessings and enjoy your life, I know🌷❤

Darling you do you! Life IS short! You have already nursed one sick husband. It’s time to think about yourself and no that’s no selfish! You only get one life ☀️ He has family to care for him. You must do what is right FOR YOU 💜

If you are already questioning this, therein is the answer. I am married and my husband is very ill; things haven't been easy but I am committed to the end - even through some very rough patches in our journey. I've determined to be a good friend at this point and see him through. No need to question perspective. What do YOU want now and for your future.

Take a break. Does it really have to be all or nothing? If you have feelings for him be honest with him. He already has a feeling something is wrong and it sounds like he really wants to be healthy to be able to travel and do things with you.

I think you already know what you need to do and are looking for validation...go with your gut..follow your heart..Set boundaries or the resentment will swallow you up alive .YOLO...Good Luck..God Bless...

Do a bit of traveling on your own and have a separate life from him . If he loves you he'll understand and encouragement you . Life's too short you are not tied to him and you could still be friends. If he doesn't like it then tell him to do one no-one owns you .

Can you have both. Go traveling with friends. Come back for time with him. If he can’t accept it then he can move on to something that suits him better. You may be completely done with traveling after a few years of it. Life is forever changing, grab it all.

go live your life plse - there are many care services and his family to take care of his needs and if he were a good man he would totally get it - love does not mean nurse maid!!!

You are thinking of ending the friendship ---- walk away before you become his oh so convenient caregiver.

He's not your husband. Be honest and help when you can but don't put your life aside. Tomorrow may not come❤

I took care of my life partner until he passed and I'm not willing to do that again anytime soon, so I get it. Be honest with him and move on.

Listen to your heart. I cared for my husband of 43 years until he passed away in our bed 8 months ago. We had a wonderful journey, but now I’m free for the first time since 1970! I’m enjoying being single. I’m 70 and still live adventure, not settling for a companion that will require “nursing.” It’s too painful. Be brave! Love is easily recognized, if you don’t feel it, it’s not there. God bless and guide you. 🌻

Read over what you wrote here. Your answer is right there. You don’t want to nurse anyone. You want to travel. You are independent. He's said he loves you and you have not responded. You would rather have two 30-year-olds. He sounds like a good guy. You sound like you want something else. My SO has had two open heart procedures and 16 stents since we've been together. He's also had a shoulder surgery and is now battling cancer. He is more important to me than anything else I may want. If you can't say the same, don't lead this man on.

I think you’ve answered it yourself. If you loved him wholeheartedly you wouldn’t feel as you do. Be honest and move on

I would be honest with myself. It sounds like maybe things got off track a little under the radar but it’s time for you to be truthful about what you want in life. At this point it feels like you’re stringing them all along. The easiest thing to do I think is get away for a couple weeks by yourself — a little retreat. If you don’t miss them all like crazy, you know it’s time to move along. Tough situation. God bless

This is a hard one. If you loved him it wouldn't be an issue. You wouldn't want to leave him. It sounds like he is in love with you but you just like him as a friend? Maybe you need to tell him this. The longer you stay the harder it's going to be to leave.

A stent will not put him out of action for long.

Be his friend Not his carer Life is short Get out there While you can

I would walk away. I lost my husband last November and I had nursed him for five years. I did that because I loved him and it was my duty. But it was hard work with not much in the way of thanks or appreciation. I wouldn't want to do it again. I'm six years older now but still active and want to start living my life. He has family to look after him and you must do what is good for you or your physical and mental health will suffer.

I would be choosing some boundaries, where you aren’t his nurse, but his friend, companion and lover. If you want a week at the beach, plan it. Take a solo holiday or go with a friend. I would choose a different beach to the one you planned with him... But don’t spend your life waiting

Follow your heart. You sound like you need to fly free. You deserve to be happy and to live your life. You can’t be the Nurse forever because life’s passing you by. I wish all the best for you.😊

I would follow my heart and it’s not with him You are already resentful as he’s stopping you from doing what you want to do I would make the break sooner rather than later You will just make it worse for everyone by ignoring the truth Good luck 🤞

I spent 10 years being a caregiver to my husband. I would do it again in a heartbeat. However I am now NOT looking for another companion. I do not want to be a nurse or a purse! I am planning on having some adventures before I run out of time. Being a little self centred isn’t a bad thing.

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GreyFeathers

4 days ago

“We have this situation where someone is spreading slander.
This is all quite hurtful as there’s absolutely no grounds for it. Friends and acquaintances are actively approached.
We have called on the person in question and asked kindly to please stop this. It all came to an emotional exchange of opinions where the person in question keeps changing stories.
In the end we kind of agreed to at least keep the peace.
My big problem is now that good friends got somehow involved and are very much influenced by this person. They are now considering breaking all contact with us. I find this heart breaking as we always got along very well. But it’s their decision, nothing I can do about it. All I do is pray… Any suggestions from the very wise people here?” -Anonymous ... See MoreSee Less

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If your "friends" are so easily swayed by someone's slander, they weren't really your friends.

You have a right to set boundaries. Quietly step away from this person. Let everyone else figure it out for themselves.the truth always comes out.

So sorry you have to go through this. I once had a terrible lie/rumor going around about me. I cried, hurt, lamented, felt shame and humiliation, despair, and many other pitiful emotions. After lots of prayer and soul searching, I finally asked myself: "Could this be any worse?" I found peace when my answer was: "It would be worse if it were TRUE!" Hold your head up, walk in the peace of knowing the truth.♥️🙏♥️🙏♥️

There's a saying I heard years ago and it has stuck with me. I hope you find it as helpful as I did ... "Don't tell me what she said about me. Tell me why she was comfortable saying it to you."

As hurtful as it is- it’s all part of a bigger plan. God weeds people from our lives sometimes, that we didn’t realize needed removed. I wouldn’t want to be a part of people who gossip anyway. If they talk to you about others then they will talk about you to others.

This happened to me a little over 15 years ago. Like you said the other woman had influence over our friends. I lost EVERYONE!!! In A small town it was devastating. Jumping ahead in time I found out the lie she had spread. Devastated AGAIN!!! But it was all my Higher Powers plan. What I considered my comfort zone of "friends" gone ot was was refilled with people I treasure. I am now surrounded by thoughtful, loving, faithful, people. I was able to evolve into a human I was meant to be. It was a unforseen gift. I wish you the same blessing.

While hurtful...the fact that your "friends" are doing this...says more about them than you. Painful, but,, Step back and let them go. I've always believed people come and go, for a reason! You are still Blessed!

If they are easily influenced by someone - they are not “good friends “. “Good friends “ stand by you & defend you.

I speak from experience, this exact same situation happened to me in the work place. One friend even went to a superior to say how wrong and deplorable it was. It totally hurts, I felt it too, there is nothing you can do honestly. Hold your head high, avoid these people, which I could not. She was in the same small office as me. People told me she was jealous of my like ability and work knowledge, I don’t know if that was it or not. It made for a toxic environment for everyone in that office. She continued after being reprimanded, so there was no hope. I felt the pain but stayed away from her as much as possible and when we did have to interact I remained professional. It showed more about her than it did me. Keep your distance, hold your head high and drop friends who did not defend you. Best of luck.

Why not have a private meeting with the ones considering letting you go. Say your peace then tell them you respect their decision. Step back and let them do what they may. I’ve found in several instances, God prunes the folks in our life. It can be painful. But He sees the big picture far better than we ever could. If these people aren’t a good fit any more, move on to ones who are!!

Never complain, never explain. The truth will out in the end & if those people were such great friends they wouldn’t have believed the worst of you. I’m sure you’re worth much better.

My experience has been that people are who they are. And those drama seekers stirring the pot will continue to disrupt people’s lives with gossip long after they move on from you. In time you will learn that they did the same thing to someone else and when they move on from you they will find a new target. Any of your “friends” that believe the gossip may find themselves on the receiving end in the future.

If your "friends" are taking the other side, let them go. Sorry, but they weren't your friends at all.

Your behaviors speak volumes… keep being who you’ve always been. Hard to change others’ attitudes or feelings. You can control your own- but actions speak volumes. I’m sorry for the hurt caused by one person… so sad

Truth always comes out in the end. Be patient and hold your head up high. Sounds like the people distancing themselves from you aren’t really people worth surrounding yourself with anyway.

That is so difficult, people who know and love you will not believe rubbish and lies. There are some who will be influenced and there is nothing you can do. Stick to the higher ground and hold on to your integrity. If people choose to believe stories with no foundation or truth then it is a reflection on them. I have been through something similar and it hurts like hell but it really shows who your true friends are and that is a gift.

We are living in times where seemingly intelligent people are being easily swayed/manipulated by very convincing liars. Very sad.

Let it be, it is never good idea to try to clarify lyes. You did what you thought best but obviously now is a bigger mess, so just step aside and let people talk and judge as much as they want. Time will tell the truth. Even better, you’ll find truer friends. Toxic people can’t be missed for that long.

I recently had a similar situation only the gossip was about someone else not me. It was hurtful and mean. I refused to discuss it or get involved in it. The bottom line is people who gossip about others are very unhappy/sick people. Ultimately, however, what other people think of me is none of my business. Keep praying! This too shall pass. I'm sure there's a lesson in here for you. ❤️

The biggest thing I've learned over time, is I can only change me. I cannot change other people or their thoughts or their actions.

So very sad. You need a ne group of friends. The one slandering you is pathetic and the ones believing him/her have the mindset of teenagers. They all deserve each other and you need to move on and be more selective in future about who you let close. 💜

I’m sorry you are going through this. I certainly have experience in this and it is really hard, people who you thought were close show their true self. I think when folks listen to one side of the story, without hearing both sides they are making uniformed decisions based on half truths and slanted views. I also believe when I hear something about someone, it stops with me. It’s none of my business and it certainly isn’t my place to have an opinion or to pass it along. Gossip destroys lives. I also feel that folks who listen and believe the gossip are no better then those spreading it and are better off out of your life. Good luck, here’s to brighter days ahead!

You could legally demand retraction then sue. By continuing to slander you after you confronted her, she is aware that what she is saying is not true, yet she persists. That demonstrates malice.

Hurt people hurt people, you know the truth on whatever it is. Hard as it is let it go.

Let those people go! No one stood up for you and said, excuse me but this cannot be true .

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GreyFeathers

5 days ago

Anonymous writes, “I am going to put it out there again that the medical profession is largely biased towards the health issues of women over a certain age. I’ve become my own physician out of necessity and that’s a dangerous path to walk.
Women’s pain is not treated with seriousness or compassion, in my opinion. My pain is getting worse by the day. It’s in my feet, ankles, pelvis, thighs, lower back and neck. I can’t stand it much longer. No answers. No one so far has done more than look but just stop when their current theory doesn’t pan out. I’m so frustrated. Maybe I’m just weakened and sensitive within my current emotional state but someone needs to hear me… us! It’s not okay to just dismiss us as over the hill, or not active enough, or a little plumper than we should be! Some days, I can’t get from my car to the front door of the grocery store! I’m Canadian and my health care system does provide me with access to care as long as I don’t mind waiting. I grateful for that. Now, how do I break through that biased barricade that exists for women over 50 and in pain. Please do share your medical suggestions as they are useful and needed. My husband of 34 years is kind and supportive but I’d like to get back to being his full partner as well. Our lives are very challenging at the moment. Thank you so much for respecting my need to receive only health advice.” ... See MoreSee Less

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ANONYMOUS WRITES: "Since the medical people haven’t given you a good answer to your pain problem, go over to the Turmeric Users page and see if they can help. It may seem that most of it is devoted to animal health solutions, but it is for all health solutions. Good luck."

I am 80 and tired of being talked to as if I’m senile. There was something wrong with my legs. Very wrong. “Oh it’s age…. To be expected….. don’t push….” My Dr. did nothing! I saw an as for lifescapes where for $125.00 they check all your pulses. I went on my own!! I was told I had no pulses in my ankles. Go immediately to the ER. Ended up with three stents for circulation!! I now walk like a 16 year old!’ Never settle!! You know your body!

Likewise here in Australia also. I was referred to a neurologist. She played on her phone through the consultation. When I ended up in hospital she was unable to be contacted. Came time for my next appointment. I rang to say I wouldn't be attending as she was indifferent towards me. In fact, I told the reception girl I was in two minds as to whether I should report her to the medical board. Guess what, five minutes later the dr rings me. I explained what she had done. How she didn't treat me. How the hospital couldn't contact her etc. She apologized then asked was I still going to report her? I told her I'd have to think about it. We are just a number over a certain age. Stay strong and demand attention. One of my favourite come back lines is, " would you treat your mother like this? No, well why are you treating me like this?" It works!

Take a look at these Facebook groups. Fibromyalgia support groups,Chronic Fatigue support groups, Epstein Barr, Hashimotos,and others. A wealth of information from people all over the world who are surviving illness and sharing information. I pray that you will find compassionate care soon.

I have found that we all have to be our own advocate. I find that I am the one that had to push for a certain test or bloodwork, as the doctor isn’t really into preventative medicine, and is more inclined to treat illnesses as they arise. Reading up on whatever it is that we think might be the problem is recommended, as doctors don’t know everything. Alternative medicine is also worth exploring for things like arthritis. I hear the non THC gummies are great for body aches. Eating clean, whole foods with walking as much as possible is a good habit. Good luck!

Well, the first thing I did was find a good internal medicine Dr. I believe most problems come from the inside out. Remember I said MOST not all. I went through a few before I hit bingo. Then I told the Doc, I am 68 and you and your services are not my hobby. If I come in here I am not bored or lonely , something IS wrong with me. I am now 72 and still with same Dr. you must be aggressive about your health.

Tell your doctor you want to see a specialist and don’t back down I’d try a rheumatologist , I told one doctor I’m not leaving your office until you call a dermatologist and make an appointment for me !

This is my exact story.... was told by male doctor I have lymphedema and there is no cure and I have to just live with pain. Won't prescribe stronger meds because of opiate addiction in our country, I have many moments of failure and weight gain and not wanting to be here anymore .

I started seeing a chiropractor. At first twice a month and now monthly. He told me most muscle pain was due to a stagnant liver. When your liver is clogged from years of food toxins it can’t function properly. It pushes the toxins into your tissue causing high levels of inflammation and pain. I went on a detox anti inflammatory diet. I take a very high grade of Tumeric/curcumin with black pepper. My pain level has dropped to almost nothing. Don’t give up..

I know how you feel! After years of no one listening or they would prescribe anti-depressants for pain, which than made me depressed but did not take care of the pain, I decided to find a doctor that would prescribe cannabis. I applied for a cannabis medical card, and I have felt so much better. I take it in a gummy form about an hour before bed and the next day I’m pain free for most of that day. It has been a life saver for me.

I recently had a conversation with my female doctor about this issue and she totally agreed with me! If it was a man’s problem it would have been solved already!

I had to get onto a 'Whole Foods Plant Based' way of eating/lifestyle change to get my health back. It works great for me and my partner....sure it takes awhile to switch over, but its worth it to get rid of the majority of your pain, possibility of no more meds, lose weight, feel fitter, feel a lot more happier, stronger, healther, plus my libido came back as well. Win win!!

Cut out sugar and bad carbs while you search for a new doctor. That is a natural way to cleanse your body. I don’t suffer like you but I did find the pain in my knees gone in a matter of weeks just by cutting out sugar and bad carbs

In health care MORE THAN EVER BEFORE…. it is all about the squeaky wheel. It has always been important to advocate for your self or have someone that can advocate with or for you but speak up and speak out. Your life depends on it. Signed, long time nurse

The medical profession is terrible for us ~ and when we turn to advice, people always say, 'get a 2nd, 3d, or 4th opinion' as if financial fitness is a never ending river of availability. Some of us have terrible health insurance which means, we either do what this poster is doing or, we are affluent enough to have good health insurance that will cover us until we find the truth. How many times do we allow the medical professions to dismiss us while we go undiagnosed? Sadly, right now ~ women over 50 are not a priority ~ millions are suffering. Your feelings are valid and real.

I no longer trust mainstream medicine so I found a functional medicine Dr that looks at your gut health. I had to do a variety of blood work as well. I would rather pay for supplements that help and support my body than some Dr throwing big pharma medications at me as a bandaid.

I know a few people who have started acupuncture and the all say it has been a life saver. My sister has been going to the doctor for years with no success. Three visits to the acupuncturist and she is feeling better than ever and losing weight.

I just changed to a Female doctor and was listened to … I am 75 and have multiple issues most of which I’ve ended up diagnosing myself over the years . There is nothing worse than being chronically unwell and needing to be your own advocate at the same time.

You need to find a compassionate female doctor

I think that with our kind of ailments over 50...we have to be more proactive with researching ourselves...no one cares if we don't is what I have found...so I pursue some things with my gp...but have found relief with other homeopathic things over time....get a diagnosis by all means but then try different things yourself...for me CBD without THC works as a rubbing lotion and orally but takes time to build up in your system...have used rubbing lotion on hands feet and even fractured ribs and my newest bucket list acquisition...a tattoo....I am 70 and although happy with our health care system mostly for diagnosis....I do a lot of research myself to find what makes me feel better...Good Luck <3

I have been witnessing this for the past five years myself. I have been told by two surgeons that my shoulders could not be fixed because there is just too much damage done. Was told to just go get shoulders replaced...however my bones are thinning and told by a different surgeon if he were to replace them and the bones left would not adhere I would be left without any. I recently had a serious knee injury I am 69 now and this surgeon said I was just too old for repairs. If I was younger there would not be a problem. Just deal with it until way down the road to get a replacement. I find this totally disgusting just too old to be fixed....just deal with it.

No the medical profession doesn’t care about the older generation. . They figure they don’t have long for this world and just does the least for them. 😡

This really struck home with me. I have had pain like this for several years,went to a rheumatologist and was literally bawled out because there were people who really had problems. It’s not that I want to have a problem,but at least if there was/is one, it could possibly be treated.

I mostly have female doctors. Huge difference in the way I am treated

My health care professionals for the past 30 years have been women. I have never been in better hands.

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