Greyfeathers.com Archives - GreyFeathers.com Blog

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Children

Getting On With Your Life

ByGreyFeathers
November 3, 2020

“Would like some advice on this matter. I was married for about 12 years in a violent relationship;…

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Aging
Spouse

Secretive Husband

ByGreyFeathers
September 22, 2020

Anonymous is looking for advice, “I’m 60 and my husband is 57. We’ve been married for 14 years,…

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Children

Resenting Behavior of Daughter

ByGreyFeathers
September 17, 2020

Sabrina writes, “I have three adult children. My two sons have children by choice my daughter does not…

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Epileptic Daughter

ByGreyFeathers
September 14, 2020

Anonymous writes, “Hi! I’ve been a single mom for the past 16 years with a completely absent father…

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Should we have Another Child

ByGreyFeathers
September 11, 2020

“My question is to some of the women who are only children themselves. I’m an only child in…

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Anxiety

To Marry or Not

ByGreyFeathers
September 10, 2020

Anonymous writes, “I’ve been a single mom for over 20 years, I gladly devoted my energy in raising…

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Abuse
Spouse

Protecting Myself

ByGreyFeathers
August 21, 2020

“I’ve been happily divorced after being married for 42 years. The abuse was physically, mentally and emotionally. He…

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A Raw Glimpse into a Troubled Marriage

ByGreyFeathers
August 13, 2020

“I am almost fifty-five and my husband is fifty- six. We have been married twenty-seven years and most…

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Stories from the Flock

Should I Stay or Should I Go

ByGreyFeathers
August 9, 2020

Anonymous writes, “I’m struggling with something and I have no one to bounce it off of…

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Disinterested and Resentful

ByGreyFeathers
July 13, 2020

“Hello GreyFeathers Community… I’m seeking advice from my ladies 50+…

GreyFeathers

14 hours ago

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I could except I would have loved to have had the app to see where my teenagers were so I didn't have to worry! I loved calling someone and not knowing who was going to answer the phone. You got to talk to the other people in the house even for a little bit.

In certain cases"Yes",I can manage without these,but in some cases I need them,specially to remain connected to my dear family and friends abroad.

I could go back to the 1700's

No, I like the convenience of technology. In the 70s I lived in NT with no phone, only public phone or satellite phone with very bad reception. Mail took forever to get through and I was away from family, with 2 little children....it was horrible. 😥

I could, but would want to keep my kindle. I'm visually impaired and can no longer read even large print books. I was a book worm for many years. My Kindle brought reading back to me with it's extra large font and other features for the visually impaired.

No. I like being informed almost at a moment's notice. I at least like the access to information and technology when I want it need it. I like the way the truth is accessable more readily and makes most people more accountable. The struggle is not allowing it to take over your time to excess.

You mean when people actually spoke directly to one another? Technology has done many wonderful things...but unfortunately now it seems to control us! Yes, the simplicity of life in the 70s would be a blessing!

Well I’m torn, I wish kids had a chance to live what we did in the 70’s, but won’t lie, I like my smart phone and being able to work remotely. How about parents hold off on giving kids smart phones until they are 18 😜 then they would learn to socialize..

We were deep in a recession, gas rationing, unemployed with 3 little kids, the repo man came for our car.....no thanks!

Yes I could. All these devices have alienated us from being in the real world. Everyone has to have instant access to what everyone is doing or saying immediately. I dont want texts from people I want a visit or a phone call. We do not bring telephone to the table or jump up and answer the phone the minute it rings. Life was less tense and edgy. People were more able to practice patience and politeness.

While technology is great and I have got to say i am dependent, it really is just throw away money when paying for the cost of cell phone, internet and Cable $125 a month I spend would be nice to help with actual living expense or savings

Life was so simple back then. I don’t think the internet and smart phones are the problem . I think we are. So many people can’t put their phones down. We are the ones responsible for spreading negativity on the internet etc. Choose to spend less time on your phone and less time on negativity. The internet and smart phones etc. Can be a positive thing if we choose not to let them take over our lives.

It would be hard to give up GPS maps and cell phone to call for help when your car breaks down.

Yes I do. It would mean more face to face contact, more library time, more interaction with neighbors, family & friends. We could all use that right now. Maybe my grandchildren would put done the electronics and get more physical exercise and physical play like skating and sledding. I think it would be great!

Yes, just to name a few...It would be healthier. Children would be outdoors more, people would communicate face to face. You would have more peace from not having everyone around you speaking on their phones in public places. People were more polite and considerate of others.

In a Heart Beat. It's all those LUXURIES that has turned this world into the mess it is. We weren't born to be MECHANICAL. Live the way God/ Nature intended us to live. Not under a microscope. God didn't intend us to KNOW EVERYTHING. How's that working for us??

We didn’t know the difference then so it would be like an addict going through withdrawals for awhile. If everyone went back then yes we could and would survive. While the Internet has been great in many ways it has also caused evil to surface.

We could, of course. Technology is not a bad thing. Anything can be used for good or bad. We have to make choices to live morally and ethically good lives.

Definitely not during this pandemic. The ability for many office workers to work from home has undoubtedly saved both jobs and lives.

Grew up in the mountains literally! Climbed trees for its fruits, water was from a natural well from a cave, our house had incomplete walls, but we were safe. Loved the rustic life. I will go back in a ❤️beat!

Yes. The main reason is inflation, though with all this computer cr4p, life has become an endless complicated irritation with very little peace. In the 70's I never had to have a spread sheet, especially for the gazillion passwords necessary to access any service vs just a phone call, to a real person, to sort things out, and when we had actual government employees, not contracted temp workers, or contracted private businesses doing the work of our infrastructure; things didn't get as screwed up as now.

As a young couple living far from our family and friends in the seventies, my husband and I had limited communication with our families. How wonderful it would have been to be able to talk to them ( we could not afford many long distance calls in those days) daily. FaceTiming would have been a godsend then. The letters we shared were nice, but delivery was slow. Nowadays, especially during this pandemic, I can speak to and see my family, even if it is not in person. Furthermore, the seventies were rife with racism and misogyny, much more than today. No, I always look forward, and live in the present, not the past.

Yes. 90% of it all is just talking about "I am so stressed out". All we talk about is stress itself. I am so tired of hearing about it, all we do is feed it with this technology

I'm easily acclimated, being in the Military made me that way. Living in different countries and states will teach you to live with what's available at the time 🤷🏾‍♀️

Technology has its place in our world. It better for business n keeping in touch with distant families. But the tweeters, Snapchat, Instagram stuff we can live without it.

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GreyFeathers

14 hours ago

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Home School Help - GreyFeathers.com Blog

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“My daughter is planning on leaving her husband she and her two children will move in with us…

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My personal feeling, after reading your post twice, is that you are far too optomistic at what you feel you can accomplish. These kids are going to be in a ton of pain, and confused, no doubt, as to what is going on. You will end up not only teaching your grand kids, but also parenting. Your daughter will be tired when she returns to your home at days' end, and will expect you to have dinner ready, etc. I think you need to establish some very strict boundaries as to what you can - and cannot - do. Now, who will be caring for these children once your daughter has found a home which she can afford? Will they be dropped off to you, for you to continue with their education. Good luck with getting them to be fully co-operative on the chores front. With reference to your SiL, be kind as you can. Perhaps there is something more than what you have been told. I will tell you that I was fully prepared to take my daughter's "side" in the separation from her partner. THEN I found out what really had happened. I am estranged from my daughter, and on excellent terms with her partner, and our two grandsons. Things were not as she had represented. Be cautious as you do not want to make a misstep and alienate your daughter, and not be able to see the grand kids you love so much. Most of all, Good Luck!! Keep us posted.

Always good to help instill a love of learning. Ppl by nature r curious n it's a big ingredient required in all learning. So allow the children to explore their environment, their thoughts, their creativity. N no need to put dad down. We all 've faults as well as strengths. Look for his strengths n encourage the children to see them too.

I teach virtual school for my grandkids. Structure and routine are very important. Plus a study/desk area. Make a daily schedule according to their online classes. Follow that to a tee. This time should also include only a 1/2 hour for lunch. We start at 8:30, lunch from 11:30 - 12. We end our day at 3 p.m.

GreyFeathers

2 days ago

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Concerned What He Will Say or Do - GreyFeathers.com Blog

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“I’m in a situation and need input. My daughter and I moved to where her college is located…

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You owe no response. You no longer have to see them, and you and your daughter are out of being placed in at best an uncomfortable situation with a vindictive, licentious letch. She'll get the message with your silence. He's her problem. If you run into her and she pushes, smile, make an excuse and don't break stride. Usually, honesty is the best policy, but since you feel he's vindictive and fearful of that opening that can of worms with wife can serve no purpose but to worry you and start drama you want no part of. They are a package deal, so all contact with them for you and your daughter is a no go. Remind your daughter to not accept any invite from either of them, even a ride. x

Just tell her that due to Covid you have decided to keep your distance with everyone. If she persists just say “thank you, but we’re not available.” If it gets nasty, then just say it’s best not to see each other. Failing this, tell her the truth, although her husband is quite likely to turn it around and blame you. Good luck.

If that husband is vengeful, and you fear for your safety, you may need to ghost her. I hate that option, but your safety and your daughter’s is utmost important.

Tell her the truth. She's probably already aware her husband has a problem. Tell her you can see her but not him, if that's what you want. Personally, I would tell her the truth, ask her not to contact you anymore and then avoid them. I would be hyper vigilant for awhile and make sure my daughter is too. Contact your police if you have any issues.

So you moved to a few miles away from them now? You can not have a friendship with her without dealing with him. For all you know she may be well aware of whats going on and might be 'twisted' Cut them both off. No need for a reply or getting into any discussion. Block them if necessary and get on with your lives. Hes a creep and his wife's problem. Dont make him yours, by continueing contact. If he crosses 'that line', talk to authorities.

Be careful the wife also may be " vengeful " and turn on you if you say anything negative about her husband, keep making excuses and stay away.

You are in a position to model some truly powerful behaviour to your daughter. This is an issue that she will encounter again in her lifetime and you have the honour of modelling effective behaviours and communication skills that will empower her throughout her life. Do you know what those behaviours are? They don’t include running away, hiding, lying or any other behaviour that makes you feel afraid, bullied or powerless. Perhaps this is also an important learning opportunity for you as well. Seek help from your professional community to find the most effective way to handle this issue in a way that will have a lasting, positive effect on both of you.

The writer of the story said the guy is not a nice person he’s vengeful and she’s afraid so I don’t see why she has to say anything to either of them just stay away tell her you’re busy and don’t have time just leave them out your life that’s the safest thing to do

I can see why you are concerned what he will say or do if you break off contact. That is evidence enough to be alarmed about what he might do if you DON’T. Make sure you make it clear to your daughter not to reciprocate contact, accept a ride, etc. even from the wife.

If you enjoyed her company, then have ladies only dates.

Truth is the best ..

SPEAK UP & tell his wife!!! Who are you protecting by keeping quiet? I bet the wife knows but she deserves your honesty!!!! So does your daughter; so she doesn't think that is acceptable behavior.......

First of all, you don't "owe" anything to this woman, you don't HAVE to be friends with her, you have the perfect excuse you are far away from each other, that will do, make new friends, get engaged with other people and interests, if she calls just say you are busy, let the friendship fade away. She'll stop insisting. If life puts her again in your path and she wants to rekindle your friendship, have "the real conversation" with her and tell her the truth, she must have noticed what's going on with her husband by now

Tell them together right away. I too have been in those situations. Clear it up with honesty. Walk away. Suggest your concern for her. Walk away. Do not hide it. I did that . It is not easy.

Perhaps plan some "girl only" outings with the wife ...... a day at the spa, shopping, "girls night out" for dinner and a movie, etc. She might like to get out and do something fun with just females for a change. If she wants a 'couples' get together, tell her you are not a 'couple' and prefer female-only outings in the future.

I get it, you don’t want to hurt her feelings. In reality you don’t owe your friendship to anyone, just cut it off. If she is persistent then tell her that her husband makes you & your daughter uncomfortable.

Respond to the wife that you are dealing with some family issues right now, and will not be socializing for a while. Eventually, she will stop reaching out to get together.

Be honest with her which isn't easy but the best in the long run. Say "this relationship isn't working because..... You and your daughter don't need that in your life.

Make a social time with just the wife! It can be done! Be unavailable when invited to events he will be there!

Simply tell her that things have changed and you can no longer be the friend she needs.

We’re in the middle of a world wide health crisis. Just tell her you are isolating and block her number.

Be honest and tell the wife.

Just keep saying no and stay busy.

Be straight forward, if you got any proof show it, or tell her simply that his chemistry has changed so I feel to distance myself, and bye

Plus, I add..... If *you* can't speak up for you? Who will!!???

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GreyFeathers

2 days ago

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Bacon grease works for butter and cheese.

For those of us with weight issues a lot of these are very helpful. I’ve lost 150 pounds with WW, lots of struggle but I’m not giving up. Yes, thinly sliced carrots do help me, carrots are sweet and the crunching helps too. I do eat cauliflower fried rice, I do substitute a lot of formally favorite fattening food. I am almost 69 years old, I would rather eat the way I am eating now and stay alive.

My dr told me cheese is the enemy. 😪 Need real milk for my coffee and spaghetti squash works for pasta. Sigh.

love this meme.!! As someone who developed multiple food allergies in my 40s After a childhood of home cooked and mostly ok diet with very little junk food and even less fast food,then at 20 beginning to eat naturally and mostly organic with a 3 year stint of being a vegetarian during my 20s, I have come to believe we are all so unique that for one a certain food is great nourishment and for another it is almost a poison. We need to learn what our own bodies tolerate and abide by that to have a healthy diet.

I changed to par boiled rice because it takes longer to digest and most of the nutrients are still there; a great alternative to brown rice

I am sick and tired of hearing how good coconut milk is for you. I personally am allergic to coconut. It means I have to read the product list before I buy anything. They are adding coconut to everything to my detriment.

Love the last one best!! Variety is the spice of life....everything in moderation.

What is wrong with butter and cheese. Fat in low amounts are good while carbs are the problem.

Funny this just popped up as I was looking at the mostly plant based diet from the Mayo Clinic!

Coconut milk, never. Can live forever w/o tacos. Can't survive without cheese.

If you are serious about it, just cut the size of portions and enjoy

To each of his/her own flavours!

Thank you for my chuckle of the day!

Coconut milk is not necessarily healthy to drink daily. There are other ways of consuming calcium enriched foods

I was ok till you got to the milk....NO SUBSTITUTIONS!!! EVER!!!!

I'd rather have carrots and hummus than chips any day!!!!

Thank Goodness coffee isn't on that list!

Cant have pasta, cant have milk, cant have tacos! 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ welcome to my world!

Does coffee taste good with coconut milk?

Never take the milk out~so much that you need in there.

Some you can change and easily but it's wrong to change everything otherwise you will feel deprived, so just try changing one or two items not all

I'm loving this new diet. New me!!

I wondered where this was going.

Make your own. Put in what you can have and enjoy your meals.

Good morning have a great day and week ahead with your tacos lol

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GreyFeathers

3 days ago

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Need to Feel Better - GreyFeathers.com Blog

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Anonymous writes, “I have been with my husband for 28 years but there have been no random hugs…

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You asked what I'd do. I would find a way to move into town no matter what I had to sacrifice to do it. Why? Right now the only "reality check" you have is someone who tells you what you think and say is wrong. You are dying a little each day. In a town you would rub shoulders with all kinds of people. You could volunteer to help your your community. You would be acknowledged by others. As a woman of your age, I know our culture does not highly value women and/or women of our age. Still there are SOME human beings who would see your worth in town. Right now no one is going to walk into your living room and visit with you. ANY type of living arrangement would be better than what you have now. The shock may or may not jostle your spouse into realizing you are not happy. Don't count on any specific response from him. You isolation from other people is killing you drop by drop.

this makes my heart hurt. Know you are welcome to come live at my house with me. my sister, and the cat. there is plenty of room for you to heal.

Take care of yourself first. Find a therapist to help you work on your issues that have led you to accept this shabby behavior for so long. Second consult an attorney to find out about divorce options and your legal rights. Third begin to plan for a more fulfilling new life by cultivating people and experiences that impact you in a positive way. Life is too short to be miserable with an abusive person.

Sorry for the way you feel.But let me assure you your self worth is in your mind ,not in your husband's or anybody else's .It is important you should love yourself the way you are,with all your Positives and your Negatives.We all have them.Why depend on someone else to show love? You have spent 28 yrs with your husband ,a pretty long time to know what you value.With age people s behavior changes and there is nothing you can do about it.Consider your options carefully,do you really think you can make it on your own at your age? Or you are better off with a husband who perhaps is not very demonstrative or communicative .He may be also going through something.Talk to him openly and tell him about how you feel.See how it goes .Find things to do which you enjoy,so you are not solely dependent on him . Connect with friends in whatever way you can.Good Luck Dear!

I’m sorry. Most of us need affection, not just during sex. Living with someone who makes you feel like you never do anything right is hard. How about putting yourself first and get some counseling for yourself. Counseling is a wonderful way to help you take the baby steps needed. You need to have a plan. You are worthy, remember that.

Some men believe woman was put on this earth FOR man. These men are emotionally absent from their wives and do not love their mates “as Christ loved the church.” Try to squirrel away some money. See a good female attorney who can advise you of your rights and help you make a plan to leave. There are places you can go while you get your footing. And leave, you must. He is not going to change. You are valuable and worthy. Dig deep down and find the strength and courage to leave him. You deserve better. I wish you well.

I would leave. My momma thought me not to stay where I don’t feel welcomes and loved and I honor her memory. I’d tell him to fck off and leave. Probably a long time ago.

Maybe start by telling him you want to move in to town,who knows,maybe he will agree. Once your there you can start joining clubs,church groups or whatever,be out more than you’re home,let him get his own meals,he might start to appreciate you.

Call a friend...connect with someone, somewhere...talk to Jesus & see Him work His miracles. Touch yourself=clap your hands tiny quiet claps thanking God for air, & light, & food etc. GOD grant you a hobby & many of them to absorb your mind in. Write the autobiography of your life...memories from earliest age & what you enjoyed as a child etc. pains & how you overcame them...God grant you healing in Jesus name Amen.

Can you join a club or a community hub to be with people whom you can enjoy the silly girly stuff or the straight talk about everything with.these can be a huge help right now.stay safe n well.🌹

My heart breaks for you! In times like these especially we need the reassurance of a close relationship. If you are going to stay with him then you’ll need to find ways to make yourself happy. Occupy your time with hobbies or exercise. Good luck and God bless you with peace.

Striking out on one's own at age 70 after such a long marriage would be difficult. Through history and in other parts of the world people don't expect a spouse to be all things ( as we do here in the States). Leaving the husband isn't going to lead to affection from someone else, most likely. Perhaps she just needs to find ways to make herself content . What I would do is what I have done, enjoy my hobbies. Get outside in the sunshine. Do yoga. Enjoy music. Pray. Be grateful. Happiness is an inside job.

1) How someone treats you is about them, not you. Get that solid in your mind first. P Second, your feelings are generated by your thoughts. Interrupt thoughts that are negative or down on yourself (or others) and replace them with positive and grateful thoughts. With practice your positive and grateful thoughts will become a habit and that habit will become who you are. Leave him or not is something you decide, but your thoughts and feelings will be with you whatever you choose, if you leave they will go with you. Change yourself, that's the only person you have charge over. However if he is physically or sexually abusive, then get outside help and leave. There is a book/study called Biblical Response Therapy that helped me. It is available from the Black Hills Health Center, Rapid City, SD. It changed my life. It is focused on how to heal emotionally with Bible principles. Author has many videos on free YouTube Dan Gabbert, Through Different Eyes. May God bless you.

Oy, you've been accepting this behavior for so long, if you try to change now, he probably won't even understand. I say get your fulfillment from activities you enjoy - what ever that is painting class, walking clubs, a part-time job, etc. Meet people and stop being isolated. I know it's hard with Covid, but I would try. You're worth it!

I believe that we teach people how to treat us. There is nothing to stop you from being the hugger is there? Some people are just not that affectionate. He may have been raised in a home where hugging was not something that was done on a regular basis. I would respectfully suggest that you sit him down for an honest conversation. Ask him why he does not hug you. Tell him how he makes your feel. Think back to your marriage vows and why you took them. Marriage is hard work but the work is necessary. No one has a perfect marriage without putting in the work and even then one can not know what goes on in a marriage unless they are one of the two people in it. Honesty with your husband is necessary. I think that you would likely benefit from marriage counselling. I wish you peace.

Head high lovely lady. My heart goes out to you. I hope talking to him will turn on his heart and produce "lasting" change. You have every right to raise this hurtful and destructive pattern of behaviour. I so wish you well xo

I'm sad your feeling this way. I want the same, I don't get it unless I say "give me a hug" I wish it was not this way for either of us. You may benefit from a counselor or social group. I'm not on board for leaving him. If you want a hug, can you just get up when he is standing and reach out and hug him? I even just go to him in his chair and hug him!

The man doesn't hug. This doesn't make him abusive and bring the necessity of lawyers and leaving. Something may be going on with him. Maybe he's depressed but whatever it is communication needs to happen.

Life’s too short to live in a cage! The door is not locked. Open it and spread your wings and fly, soar and live. Being alone at 70 can be liberating and the best years of your life. You’ve got so much experience from which to draw. A loveless marriage is a prison. Self-doubt and fear can be traded in for better things. It’s up to us to take the leap of faith, trust the Universe and tell it what we want and need. Most importantly, we have to believe we deserve it and it is ours. Bury the corpse of a dead relationship and move on!

Definitely have your own money no matter how he tries to weasel it outa ya, my last husband said sell your land your house sell your car, don't do real estate don't do midwifery, so many sad stories a big NAH, bye bye so long, it wasn't good. Lovely to get outa it.

Start with a road trip with a dear friend or two or three or go visit a dear friend or two or three. Take two to four weeks. It’s hard to live with a joy sucker. Hugs. 💐😘💐. And then reassess.

There's still a lot that's in question here. When you first married was he more loving then and has since changed? If you do decide to leave are you financially able to take care if yourself? Do you have children or grandchildren that you could possibly get away for a short visit occasionally? He might decide he likes having you around if he has to go for a while without you. You don't want to make things more difficult for yourself. But whichever you decide, find things that do make you happy.

I've just done it 68yrs old, 30yrs marriage. Same reasons. Feeling better each day. Ahhhhhh. 😍

You have lived and accepted this behavior for 28 years say that you lack the courage to leave and want others to tell you what to do? If you have not let him know in 28 years that this behavior upsets you, and your not going to leave no one can say anything that will be of any use to you.

That’s very sad. Has he ever given u an explanation. I suppose you’ve had enough. Have an honest talk with him. Everyone needs affection, ask him why he doesn’t seem to.

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