Three Daughters

“I’ve a problem and need advice. I am the mother of 3 daughters. I was so happy when I found out I was pregnant with my second daughter because I had always wanted a sister and I just knew my girls would be best friends. And they were for many years and then things changed…

My middle daughter, let’s call her Belle, is a gorgeous woman but very independent. She is a people pleaser but also knows what she wants and she wants to make sure she is not following in anyone’s footsteps. Belle has gone out of her way for most of her life to make sure she didn’t do the same things as her sister. Belle got married young and moved away to live her life with her husband.

My oldest daughter, we shall call her Alex, left home at 18 while still in high school to live with her boyfriend. (Boyfriend and his family were controlling and they made Alex change everything about her life because that is what they wanted). Alex is a very intelligent woman but made a few bad choices while young and it effected/hurt us all. Alex has tried to apologize for her actions and has gone out of her way to make amends with her sisters.

Then there is my youngest, Clara, who was too young when all this took place to take sides and just loved her sisters.

The reason I’m writing to you today is that #2 daughter, Belle, can’t forgive Alex and is jealous of both of her sisters. The choices made and lack of forgiveness have put a huge wedge between the rest of our family. Alex had stopped speaking to us and barely was a part of our lives for years (she has been back in our lives for about six years now) and now my middle daughter has walked out of our lives and she refuses to try and get along with us because she got mad at things that were said.

Here I am, a woman who adores her children and can’t even speak to one of her daughters (they moved 3,000 miles away and we don’t even know their address or phone numbers. Plus they have blocked us from all social media) and my only grandchild.

I say my prayers and try to count my blessings but I am a 50+ year old woman who just wants to be a grandmother and enjoy my daughter and her family. I miss Belle dearly and I don’t know what else I could possibly do to help this situation. I’ve had two daughters walk away from our family (for different reasons) and I just want to spend my remaining years together as a family.

My parents are both gone and in a few years I’ll be the same age my mother was when she passed. Is it asking too much to want to have my children by my side? I don’t blame myself anymore as I once did because it doesn’t do me any good to play the blame game.

Belle has canceled everyone out of her life besides her husband and daughter and that isn’t something I can control. Yes I made mistakes but I don’t understand why she doesn’t want anyone from her past in her life. I would take any prayers anyone would be willing to give.” -Anonymous

2 comments
  1. Out of your hands, stop stressing!
    I have a son that decided drugs and others were more important than his family.
    He doesn’t have anything to do with his three kids, of which I raised 2 of them.
    He has 2 grandkids that he has never seen, nor seems to want to. He lives in another
    State with a woman and her kids. He is very good with her kids and her grandkids. He
    claims and treats them as his own. He has nothing to do with any of us, even though I, his sister and 3 brothers reach out to him. He will comment sometimes on FB. Nothing you can do to make your daughters conform to your wants, needs, and desires. Just go on with your life knowing you did your best. Life is too short to not have some joy.
    Pray for them, and hope things change.
    Good Luck and God Bless!

  2. This reminds me of how my mom endlessly hoped my eldest sister would “come back.” It really hurt her a lot, but there was nothing she could do to change my sister’s heart. When my mom was dying, my sister came to her and whispered, “I forgive you.” Oh, what nerve. I hope the LW can practice changing what she focuses on. Right now, my kids both think very differently to how I think, and I hope I learned from my mom to go and live my own life, as they are doing. It’s tough! It’s just not the family you dreamed of. It just isn’t.

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