Turning Back on Daughter

“About six years ago my brother started cheating on his girlfriend, they had been together 19 years. They shared a home and my mom lived there too. The girlfriend worked hard and paid all expenses including food; my brother never gave her a dime and refused to get a job. When he got caught cheating he was given a chance to stop but he didn’t, so he was thrown out and not having a job he’d no place to live…

One of his girlfriend’s co-signed for an old camper that he bought, together they moved into the camper, that didn’t last. In the meantime, he had another and another, finally one moved in with him again. He was stealing from people and selling stuff to pay camping rental etc., the thefts had been going on for years.

Mom took his side no matter what. The ex they both lived with for years still had my mom living with her. My mom had a huge fight with her and eventually was kicked out, so mom moved in with me. She had so much stuff that wasn’t worth keeping and refused to get rid of it all; I couldn’t keep her things either. She was never happy living with us, she had her own wing in the house, her own apartment, she was not happy and complained constantly.

On the 3rd of each month my brother would stop by and have mom give him her social security money. She was then broke and I had to pay for everything she needed.

Eventually she moved in with my brother and his current girlfriend in that little camper, but she left her belongings with me. Eventually they got kicked out of two more places, each time mom ended up with me. Same situation, my brother would come over and take her money, then she was sneaking him over at night and giving him food I paid for. It started getting back to me how she was talking about me behind my back. The things were cruel and hurtful, and she became resentful to me and lied to everyone about me.

Finally my brother got a job and rented a mobile home and mom moved in with him. In the meantime I remained friends with his first girlfriend that he lived with for 19 years. My brother had deeply hurt her while she paid all the bills and supported our mom.

Mom was resentful of me and felt I should be on my brothers side even though he was the guilty party. My brother robbed the ex blind and had sold everything, but I was expected to support him and I couldn’t do that. When my brother started working and mom moved in with him once again, the cold shoulder started; I got blamed for every bad thing that happened to my brother. It was my fault and I was a troublemaker, even though I was the one that took care of mom, rescued her and gave her a home. She was angry because I not only was friends with the ex but because my husband and I lived comfortable and owned our own home. She thought I should support my brother since we “had money,” which we didn’t, but we had more than she and my brother.

Eventually my brother had an accident (which was questionable to me); he sued his employer and won, and with his settlement bought an old house. Fixed it up and mom, brother and current girlfriend moved in. Mom refused to tell me where they moved and they blocked me from calling to check on her. I sent Christmas gifts to her (we live about 100 miles away) but I’m the only one that ever gave her gifts, took her out to eat etc. She was still at her old address when I sent the gifts and she said she did get them, never once said thank you.

Mom lied about the area they moved; after investigating I found their new place. She has shut me out of her life and has chosen my brother, even though he has done nothing but lie, cheat and steal. I’m the bad guy. I sent her a Christmas card just to let her know I knew where they lived now. She has always chosen my brother over me even though I’ve always been the one taking care of her, taking her out, and buying her gifts.

I feel this is a huge slap in the face to me, am I right? Should I keep trying to contact her even though she lies and gossips about me or do I move on?

She also said, in the past, she expects me to pay for her funeral, not my brother, as she has nothing saved for that either.

Am I wrong not wanting to take care of her final expenses while my brother doesn’t have to? They lied about me, they made me out to look like a bad person. My mother has hurt me more than I can express. How does a mother turn her back on the one child that did nothing but help her for years, accusing me of being a trouble maker and block me from her life. Do I forget about her and how do I do that with the hurt I feel, I need advice, thank you.” -Anonymous


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