Velcro Husband

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“I am 59 and my husband is 68…

He retired two years ago but still works part time, about 10 hours a week. I still work full time, about six hours a day, five days a week.

He has no hobby and hates being home alone. He will go spend time at a friend’s house tinkering on cars while I am at work, but as soon as I am headed home, so is he. He then wants me to help him with any and all things that need to be done around the house. On top of that, I still have regular “household chores” if you will.

Does anyone else have a “velcro” husband? I try explaining that I would like some time to myself, he gets a little defensive that I don’t want to spend time with him. I also started my own small business, making dog clothes and coats, that I just don’t get time to do unless I schedule an afternoon a week with him. Any suggestions or ideas?” – Cynthia

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25 thoughts on “Velcro Husband”

  1. I am so lucky because my husband does everything since I have become physically unable to do a lot of things since a bad fall. We had both been retired and doing what ever we wanted for several years. I don’t know what I would do without him. Hopefully I’ll be able to get back on my feet and we’ll be enjoying life again.

  2. Actually, you’re wrong. He does have a hobby. And that hobby is you. Women are the very worst in teaching other people how to treat us. It can be due to baggage we bring into the marriage, hurts that never went away because they were never resolved, Or just trying to show our husbands off to other women. Somewhere in there, we got something out of our husbands showing us that much attention. And sometimes, since we were instrumental in that process, we are now unable to visualize what it would take To disentangle ourselves from it. All of our lives, we as individuals, men and women, teach other people how to treat us. It’s time for you to teach your husband how to treat you. It won’t be easy, but having gone through it, I promise you it’s worth it.

  3. I love my husband very much. Married52 years this year. All he wants is ME. He has no hobbies. Doesn’t like friends over. I still love him as much as ever but I never get to be by myself. It’s not fair for widows to compare and say something to make us feel guilty. He always wants to know where I am. I am now like a trained puppy: “I’m going to the Bathroom” I’m downstairs at the laundry” “Getting the mail” etc. etc. His eyes light up when I enter the room, just like when I was 16 years old. Yes I’m grateful. The only personal time I get is from 5 am to about 8 am as I am an early riser and he is not. I help out a friend once a week since her mom has dementia. Only time I am really out without him, unless I am at church. He won’t do that.

  4. My husband has to go everywhere with me (clear throat), drive me there. I have a girlfriend I go stay with, at least once a month., but I need more time to myself. He has two trucks that need worked on to run. Instead, he wants to use MY Jeep to take me up and pick me up. It’s NOT happening this time!

  5. I thought it was only me. It is good for me to know other wives in retirement deal with this issue. It is driving me nuts. He acts like a whipped puppy if I tell him I want to spend some time by myself, doing things at my own pace without him standing beside me. If I go out, he wants to come with me. He claims hobbies do not interest him and they are a waste of his time.

  6. Since he is able to be left alone, arrange one time a week to go out on your own and do things you want to do. He will just have to learn to deal with it. I know that sounds harsh, but its true. We women need time to decompress!

  7. It took awhile being home but my husband became involved in the projects of our sons. Though physically he can’t help them too much, he gets to be the advisor and is there to deal with construction people etc when our sons have to be at work. He also drives our grandchildren when asked. It works out nicely for me as well!

  8. Mine retired a year ago after working a job that required him to travel extensively. When I wasn’t traveling with him, I stayed home by myself, enjoying the freedom to come and go, Eat (or not eat) when I wanted, go to lunch with girlfriends and sleep when I wanted while working part time from home.
    Now, he is with me every minute. He expects three meals a day, he wants to go every place I do and doesn’t seem too interested in having a hobby. I don’t think he ever wakes up and makes a plan to accomplish anything that day.
    I’m in the process of “retraining” him but feel like I’m being rude. I’ll eat crackers and cheese for lunch and tell him he’s on his own to fix something. He’s learning how to do dishes and load the dishwasher. I put him in charge of shaking rugs and vacuuming. He is good with it all and Is always in a good mood for which I am grateful. I figured out that he has spent his life on his work and never really knew what it meant to have lots of personal time or what it takes to maintain a home. He just needs a new sense of purpose. We have been married for 45 years and I feel like we are starting a new life together.

  9. I share your frustrations. Since my husband’s retirement due to disability I have zero time for myself. Due to health issues he can’t drive anywhere, can’t even go into a store without me. He is an uncontrollable diabetic and his diabetes are not controlled either. I’m tired of never being able to just go somewhere BY MYSELF and being able to relax.

    1. Have a look at Second Nature, a healthy eating plan specifically designed for diabetics and pre diabetics. I joined it to lose weight and am loving every moment. It’s a great plan. My husband became disabled due to a car crash and was medically retired from work at 44 years old. He and I have been together creating a new life for ourselves. He enjoys cross-stitch. It’s easy to pick up and put down and is a stress free absorbing hobby. Or jigsaws. That’s another one. Model aeroplanes. Etc. Do not let him give up. Kick him up the backside and tell him to get a grip.

    2. I can totally relate. We’re retired, only married 17 years. Had I known retirement would be like this I would not have married him. He thinks he sets the rules. His narcissism is full blown and I’m just about at wits end. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I thought I there was something wrong with me. Prayers.

    3. Do you fix him a large breakfast everyday? It will help the health problems like you wouldn’t believe ~ and they’re happier when their tummies are full🎯

  10. He needs a hobby, or maybe he can do your home chores while you are at work, or during the day he can do some work you delegate for your dog clothes business. That way you will have some free time in the evenings to devote to him after you have time to unwind.

    1. As someone with a similarly clingy husband, I can say that ‘he needs a hobby’ is not the answer. You cannot force them to take one up.
      I have made a point of making sure that I have one regular afternoon a week where I go out, for my own hobby. But if I tried to do it at home, then it would never happen.

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