We Realized We Have No One

Anonymous writes, “I am 64 and my husband is 76. Both retired. Our daughter lives close but, by her choice, has estranged herself from our lives. Our son lives 6 hours away…

My husband has no siblings left and is not close at all to nieces and nephews. I have siblings, all older.

We have come to a point in our lives where we are needing help with some things. We are in poor health. If I share things with my son he gets really stressed over his inability to assist due to distance. He will have panic attacks. He used to talk about getting a job closer to home to be near us, but now he has a fiance who doesn’t want to move.

We have realized that we have no one. That thought is starting to overwhelm me. If I were to die first, I don’t think my husband could keep up with the care of the house and yard. The thought of moving to an assisted living place unnerves me.

What do people do in my situation? I am so depressed over this. (I came from a family with six siblings and as my parents aged, they had all of us that were there for them. I guess that is why I am just now realizing that we dont have that. It scares me.)”

2 comments
  1. I am older than you but younger than your husband and essentially in a similar situation except that I did not have any children so my whole life, I expected to age alone and have to take care of myself until the end. I have nieces and nephews but they are far away. One nephew is my POA and will take care of my final affairs.
    You, on the other hand, expected your children to be there for you and the fact that they can or will not makes you depressed and scared. It is what it is.
    Assisted living comes in all sorts of forms and some even have small houses where you live independently but have dependable help available when you need it.
    I think it is good that you are planning for your future where you or your husband may be alone and I suggest that you tell your children that because of this, you are looking at moving to a community where you can get some help if and when you need it. Unfortunately, they are expensive and there may not be very much left over for them.
    I would bet you will get the help you need.

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