What Should Mom Do?

Facebook
Facebook
Instagram
Pinterest
Pinterest
Email Me
RSS

Patt writes, “What would you do? My mother who is 88 years old, is trying to make a decision…

To stay in California, where one of her daughters lives, or move back to Wisconsin, where both her son and daughter and all her relatives are. She doesn’t like the cold of Wisconsin, but don’t think that would be a problem.

The one thing that mom worries about is that my sister would be mad and lay a big guilt trip on her. That is not fair to my mom. I think she should do what makes her happy, and she says she is happier in Wisconsin.

My sister seems too busy to have much time for her. Comes about twice a week to do a few things for her. If she was in Wisconsin she would be with my brother all the time.

I think she should do whatever makes her happy and to heck with everyone else.”

Facebook
Facebook
Instagram
Pinterest
Pinterest
Email Me
RSS

26 thoughts on “What Should Mom Do?”

  1. My mom was stubborn and positive about her decisions. If you wish to move, just tell your daughter you are moving and do so. Do not question yourself. Your daughter can visit or move also if she feels lonely. My mom Stayed in her own home and died at home at 93 as she was getting ready to go out. One must do what is best for oneself not for one individual.

  2. I would say, move to where she can be with all her family around her. Open communication is best so make sure you all talk it through.

  3. I (and my family) were in this EXACT situation with my mother-in-law. (same age). I expressed to my MIL many, many times that I/we would totally understand if she wanted to go back to her “home state” where all her other children lived. She had lived with my husband and I (with our 3 grown children & her great-grandchildren in very close proximity) for almost 6 years. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE have an honest conversation with the daughter. My MIL decided to “go back for a visit” and in a voicemail left a message that she had decided to stay in her “home state”.
    It was devastating and so very HURTFUL. Not because she went back, I totally get it and again, had the conversation with her many a time over the course of a year, that we would totally understand. It was hurtful because of the avenue she took to do it. I was left with grandbabies that constantly questioned when she was coming “home” & couldn’t understand that she didn’t say goodbye to them. I was left with explaining to her church friends. I was left with packing up all her belongings (clothes, possessions) and now “storing” them at our house, because no one has come for them. Please, just treat the one who is left behind with some respect and have a heart-to-heart conversation. We only ever wanted what made her happy………but would have not had such bitter feelings if the deliverance of the message was handled with respect.

  4. At this time of life she should do what will make her happiest and where she can be checked on. Her comfort and peace of mind are the most important thing.

  5. Please dear tell your mom to do what makes her happy. The sister in California may not be upset at all, she probably wants Mom to be happy too.

  6. At this time of her life she deserves to be happy! If her California daughter gets mad, that’s the daughter’s problem, not hers.

  7. She is 88, she should do what she wants to do. If your sister gets mad at her, so be it. She’ll get over it, or maybe she won’t, but that’s not your mom’s problem. Its time mom to pack her things, buy some snow boots and move to Wisconsin.

  8. If she is anything like my mom, she will choose to be with the daughter that she considers weaker and needs her. At her advanced age it is too difficult to make these big decisions. Choosing for her own happiness may seem like a frivolous idea to a woman of her generation.

    1. Not frivolous at all….
      That’s my generation (I’m 86…husband 88)
      Have her look at it from having the help she needs to be shared with several family members..her daughter where she is now will welcome sharing the responsibility ,,and having more time to herself..

  9. If mom is happy in Wisconsin and can be surrounded by family and help when she needs it, then I think that’s where she should be. At this stage of her life she has more than earned her right to be happy and enjoy her life! Your sister will adjust. Praying that things work out for all!!!

    1. Mom. Sit down explain to the California daughter how you feel let her know you love her & always will but got to do what will make me comfortable.

      1. Maybe nicely point out she would like some time with other siblings and family and dAughter can come to visit her any time. So long as mum is happy!

  10. I agree but before discussing with everyone else in the family discuss with this CA daughter. Explain how this is best for you both. That your decision is not made lightly and that you will truly miss your time together. Then make plans in the near future to move and to visit each other

  11. Mom needs to be where she will be happiest. In time she may requiere more of her children’s time and in California her options are limited. Perhaps this will lead to bickering between Cali daughter and herself. This desicion cannot be based on anyone else’s needs but her own. Be honest, be loving but be fair to yourself. In time everyone will benefit.

  12. Mom should sit down with the daughter in California and tell her what she wants to do. It’s not like she is going to be alone in Wisconsin. She should be able to settle down wherever she wants without any guilt.

    1. I’m about to do the same thing. I’m 78 and if I move I’ll have more physical and emotional support. We need to do what our hearts tell us to do. Am nervous about telling my one group that I’m leaving but I’ll be only two hours away. I live alone and at this age I know I have to take care of me. I know how stressful that kind of decision is, but good luck, Grandma. You can do this!

    2. Mom should live where ever she chooses to live. As long as she is mentally competent to make her own decisions, she can and she should. If her children in Wisconsin are good with her living amongst them…or with them…she is good to go. She should have a deep conversation with her daughter in California, telling her…not asking her…what it is she plans on doing, and then simply do it. Age does not dictate what we should or should not do in our lives. Health and physical abilities are the things that dictate what we can and cannot do in our lives. So, if this is what this lady wants, and she is capable of doing so, go for it and enjoy your later years. Life is for living it, not limiting it for the benefit of others. Go. Go. Go.🙏❤️😊🎉🎈💐💃❤️🙏

Leave a Reply